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Introduction ix
1 Can You Hear Me Now? 1
2 There's No Place like Om 7
3 Dulcet Tones and Hidden Gin 11
4 A Mime Is a Terrible Thing to Waste 19
5 I'll Always Have (South) Paris 25
6 Sometimes a Low Road Is a Highway 29
7 Frozen Dishes, Bottled Pigs, and Flexible Tubing 35
8 Thoreau Another Log on the Fire 41
9 Hopping Planes and Achieving Orbit 47
10 (Much) Better Red Than Dead 51
11 Physics and Bliss 55
12 Long Days and Short Spurts 59
13 Nuts, Sluts, and Heads of State 65
14 Lassie's Choice 71
15 Howdy Doddy, Bye-Bye Boston 77
16 Ready for Breakfast 83
17 And Now for Something Completely Different (with Apologies to Monty Python) 87
18 Why the Red Face? 93
19 Kill the Puppet 97
20 The Peter Principle Pox 103
21 Salmon Chanted Evening 107
22 Viva Liz Vargas 111
23 Live McCree or Die 117
24 Whoopi's Cushion 121
25 The Adventures of Captain Spasm 125
26 Tic-Tac-Toe-Hold 135
27 Game Changer 145
28 Coffee with the Captain 151
29 The Agony and the Annuity 155
30 Something's Amiss America 165
31 "Marco," "Polo," and Watts 169
32 Six Weeks of Sequins 175
33 A Step in Time Saves Mine 185
34 Dance Partners 193
35 Something to Plinko-ver 203
36 Yin, Yang, and Your Mama 209
37 But Enough About Me 223
Acknowledgments 227
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