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My Mission, Should I Choose to Accept it 1
The Persuasive Powers of Shopping and Allowing Lee Greenwood into My Life 11
Why Must the Media Always Discriminate Against the Make-Believe? 25
Enter the Stool 39
Neoconservatism Becomes Kristol Klear 57
Ideologically Ambiguous Mermaids, Family Research, and the NBA Finals 71
"We Get the Party Started!" 89
These Crazy College Kids Today with Their Nutty, Fun-Loving, Ethically Shady Backroom Maneuvering 109
Alphonso Jackson Lives in Fear 115
Don't Have Gun, Will Travel Short Distances 127
It Must Be Safe if it Towers Above Everything Else on the Planet 137
I Put the Id in Idaho 151
Independence Day 165
Rexburg Is from Venus, Talk Radio is from Mars 181
Moral Turpitude as it is Realized Through a Pastime not Unlike Chutes & Ladders 187
Climbing Inside the Radio 195
Think Globally, Conservatize Locally 209
The Gay, the Kangaroo, and the Proselytizing of Sammy Sosa 219
Twinkle, or Man, that Ronald Reagan Sure Loved Popcorn 229
Dicky Really Is Tricky 247
Courtesy of the Red, White, and Blue (State) 263
Keepin' it Real with Ford, Coors, and Chaw 275
What Ended up Happening 297
Acknowledgments 311
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