FHM # 49, October 2004

FEATURES
86 Immortality
BE G.I. JOE
Remember playing with your sister's Barbies and longing to be Ken? Now you could be the toy that kicks his preppy ass.
88 Drama Queen
EVA LONGORIA
Stereotype laws say that a Mexican woman has to either be a naughty housecleaner or a sexy Salma Hayek. Meet the senorita who's the best of both worlds!
96 Bowl-a-rama
PBA INFERNO
Due to the threat of bankruptcy, TV deals and stricter playoff guidelines, pro bowling is going through its largest revolution since the invention of the plastic beer cup.
102 Fantasies
MY DATE WITH VIDA
What would you do on your once-in-alifetime dream date with backside-beauty Vida Guerra? One man blew chunks in the first 15 minutes.
104 Wet Dream
AMANDA RIGHETTI
This hottie jumped The O.C. ship and was deserted on an island. Fortunately, that isle is Hawaii and they have TV cameras.
112 Viewing
GUIDE TO TV
So long, social life! The new TV season means billionaires are picking friends, Roy is back to his tiger-taming tricks and Drew Carey needs to justify his existence.
122 Cover Girl
ALYSSA MILANO
She's gone from cute to hot to sexy to goddess among TV women. So why is the small screen's finest example of evolution still diddling herself?
130 Quote, Unquote
ROGER EBERT
Even after beating cancer and getting a second thumbing partner, this former-fatty film critic can still put Steven Seagal in his place.
IN EVERY ISSUE
22 LETTERS
It's a clown-off—Yucko challenges the champ! Plus, FHM finds a nerd-loving hottie and the world's sexiest teacher!
30 INCOMING
Hometown Honeys go head-to-head—and you have the final call! Then, size yourself up against the world's tallest man and listen to the animals taking over metal.
51 REVIEWS
Behold the largest fake mammaries ever! Then, catch up with Motörhead's Lemmy in Vegas and take some fan-appreciation lessons from the Wiez himself!
78 LADIES CONFIDENTIAL
FHM's newest section will showcase a sassy guessing game, Howard Stern's girlfriend and 20 hot and woo-able women ... every single blessed month.
133 FASHION
All the casual cloth you'll need for work this Friday. Plus, enter to win a watch that can actually tell you when that day comes.
150 MACHINERY
TV was there for you even when your folks weren't. But unlike your unloving parents, TV sets have changed. Get schooled on how to fully enjoy the boob tubes of today.
156 FEED
Next year's tires will come with really cool body kits. Buy one, then check out freak animals, beer-can castles and the world's best corn dog on FHM's ultimate road trip.
172 BIONIC
Work out like cycling's mono-balled king Lance Armstrong and shatter wood like the world's fastest board breaker. Plus, proof that Conan is TV's funniest/weakest host.
ADDED VALUE
28 TRUE STORIES
Our readers have the worst luck ... or so it would seem from their nightmarish tales.
76 BAR ROOM JOKES
jokes so funny you'll demand a refund for that Jay Mohr ticket.
176 WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?
Find those Fuji film fugitives with our tried-and-true tracking service.