FHM # 36, September 2003

FEATURES
84 QUOTE, UNQUOTE
SIMEON RICE
If the NFL gave out a buck for every sack, he'd be a 78 doltarnaire.
86 PLAYING THE FIELD
HEATHER MITTS
They've finally found a way to make soccer interesting—have girls play.
94 FANATIC
RAINBOW MAN
Get inside the head that looks Like a multiflavored snow cone.
102 INITIATIVE
CONTROL HER MIND
Mess with her horoscope, and you mess with a lady's psyche.
106 JOY RIDE
LEILANI MUNTER
You'll never complain about women drivers again.
114 20 BEST PLACES TO BE ON...
GAME DAY
A key criteria in the rankings: Ease of access to Cool Ranch Doritos.
126 A NIGHT OUT WITH...
JEREMY SHOCKEY
With NFL players, it's all about the two S's: steak and strippers.
128 COVER GIRL
TARA REID
She has a $100,000 watch and likes football. What more could you want?
136 QUOTE, UNQUOTE
GEORGE MALOOF
Owning a casino is the best way to make money from gambling.
IN EVERY ISSUE
30 LETTERS
A female employee makes excellent use of her boss's desk, and an artist etches Vida into his flesh.
36 REPORTER
Enterprise's Linda Park, bacteria-laden food, beer for the homeless and furniture made of women.
63 REVIEWS
Mini golf with Andrew W.K., plus sit-down chats with Barn Margera, LL Cool J and Boris Badenov.
139 FASHION
Prepare to overhaul your wardrobe ,. after taking in our 24-page extravaganza of cloth.
168 MACHINERY
Because no tailgate is complete without a good grill and tiny football players painted on your fingers.
172 GASOLINE
Rolls-Royce revamps the machine lurking under the world's most-coveted hood ornament.
177 BIONIC
The Phillies' Bobby Abreu divulges the secrets to his workout routine. Big green mascot not included.
ADDED VALUE
82 BAR ROOM JOKES
A tip for budding comedians: Take this page to your next gig and read it to the crowd. When they still boo, you'll know the problem is your delivery, not the material.
182 TRUE STORIES
Tales of extreme humiliation, topped off by a schmuck who found a new way to get crabs from a night of love.