Robert Burton, Philosophaster Book

Many rich, few learned, none wise. (5.4)

If anyone speaks loudly in the schools, reads common books or mentions certain foolish, uncommon words, he is considered the greatest philosopher. (5.4)

Don't trust appearances. (5.5)
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There is misery in being too learned a man. (4.7)
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'But for the sake of old friendship, tell me, my friend, how can I advance just as you have?
'How can you? Not by remaining at the university and not by studying. Although you may boast of encyclopaedic knowledge, surpass Augustine himself, or press Chrysostomus to the list in moral virtue, patrons do not care unless you bring them something. "If you bring nothing, Homer, you will be thrown out the door". While you are here, suffering from hunger for so man years, while you are reading Saint Thomas and J. Duns Scotus, paling in your studies, I, indulging my genius, have meanwhile been fishing for a good benefice. (4.5)
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The story is rather simple and the plot episodic and it my well be argued that there is little in Philosophaster that is new, even beyond its generic similarity to academic satire and classical comedy. What distinguishes the play'and what no doubt appealed to its seventeenth-century audience'is Burton's wit and "virtuosity" and the extent of his borrowings . . . The humour depends upon the audience's recognition of the source and Burton's use or misuse of that source. An exaggerated Plautine convention, a misquotation from Vergil, a frequent proverb from Erasmus, an episode from Pontano moved from Italy to Oxford'all are jokes between the playwright and his academic audience. 'Connie McQuillen, Introduction
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But this is so obscure that no one could understand it. (1.1)

A word to the wise is sufficient. (1.1)

Servant: You may sit, please. The banquet is ready.
Polupragmaticus: Why don't we sit. I'll take the head of the table.
Theanus: But that place is mine, by Jove.
Pantomagus: Why not mine?
Amphimacer: By Zeus and all the other gods, I am first.
Polupragmaticus: Inept buffoon.
[An argument breaks out over seats. Polupragmaticus slaps Pedanus. Eubulus enters.]
Eublus: What is this uproar? A Lapithean feast?
Polupragmaticus: No problem, but a certain disagreement arose between the peripatetic and the physician about the principle of life. We are arguing for primal forms, they for atoms. (1.2)

Eublus: Is this man drunk? (1.2)

Dear gods, what am I to do? People say that a certain rear wind escapes from me in secret. To put it bluntly, I can't trust my ass. At almost each and every step, it whistles and breathes forth a certain spirit from behind. But what can I do? (1.4)

Oh, if only I could be as you are now! (1.4)

You remember these things. Leave the rest to fortune and to me. (1.4)

. . . caring more for the body than the mind. (1.5)

King Philip, writing to Aristotle, is said to have expressed joy, not o much over the birth of his son as that he was born in the days of Aristotle, who he hoped might educate the boy. [Note by J.S.](1.6)

If you wish to be considered important as a grammarian, you should purchase more books in folio. (2.2)

If you are invited for a meal, let your conversation be especially philosophical: how long a gnat or bee lives, or about heavenly matters. In any conversation, you should be critical beyond measure . . . you should insert into your conversations something historical, or a commonplace from the Greeks: "Good things twice and thrice," [Plato, Philebus, 60a] or, "either drink or go away". [Erasamus, Ad, 1.10.47 (2.2)

'Legs like incense, feet like bronze, breasts like flames.
'Easily the prince of poets. But why "breasts like flames"?
'Just as flames ignite straw, so your breasts me. (2.6)

How shall I tell of her dark eyes, her milky-white neck, or golden hair and swelling breasts. (3.1)

She laughs so sweetly, sings so beautifully. (3.1)

I am more melancholy than I should be. (3.2)

And so, with Mercury favouring me, I will regain my former fortune and wealth. (3.4)

Swear silence. Promise that you will tell no one, ever, in the entire world. (3.6)

'Which do you like best?
'I like the university scholars.
'Why?
'Do you ask why? Many reasons. Scholars are intelligent, respected, noble, very flattering young men, kind, gentle; they tell their girl friends jokes and sing little songs, they give whatever they have beyond measure, and love easily. (4.6)

The university men please me above all others. This is my home, here are my loves. (4.6)

Do you want to visit an Italian school? . . . because the women there are more learned than we . . . because they frequently sleep with monks and theologians who sprinkle them with dew and inspire a certain spirit. (4.7)

. . . and the muses will sing your name forever. (5.5)