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Introduction: Freeman's Inferno ix
Act 1 The Big Fancy Underworld 1
Hell in a Handbag 3
Free-Spirit Personality 11
Climbing Mount Fancy 17
Sunshine from Satan's Ass 25
The P-Word 33
Angels and Demons in My Head 45
Can I Interest You in a Dead Animal Hide Hobo Named Lucifer? 55
Falling Down Mount Fancy 63
Guns and Toilets 69
I'm Not Ready to Rumble 73
Polly Wants to Talk 83
Big Nightmare #1 87
Act 2 Sinners, Serpents, and the Craziest Crazy-Lady Customers 97
Queer-Eye Handbag Guy 99
Shoposaurus Carnotaurus 107
Monique Jonesworthy, Nasty-Ass Thief 123
Is Deescount? 133
The Two Virginias 143
This Little Piggy 161
One Picky Bitch 165
The Vampire Bavaro 173
Big Nightmare #2 181
Act 3 Misfire and Brimstone at The Big Fancy 193
Sale Smack-Down 195
Babysitting the Devil's Spawn 203
Hot Stuff on Mount Fancy 209
The Shitting Room 219
Merry Strep Throat and a Happy New Flu 227
Cock in a Box 233
Full Moon Fancy 239
Big Nightmare #3 247
Conclusion: Satan's Superstar 253
Free Gift with Purchase! Bonus Section
Branded by Numbers 259
The Customer Is Always Right 263
The Do's and Don'ts of Shopping 267
Retail Hell Readers' Discussion Guide 271
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