Conservatize Me: A Lifelong Lefty's Attempt to Love God, Guns, Reagan, and Toby Keith Book

My Mission, Should I Choose to Accept it     1
The Persuasive Powers of Shopping and Allowing Lee Greenwood into My Life     11
Why Must the Media Always Discriminate Against the Make-Believe?     25
Enter the Stool     39
Neoconservatism Becomes Kristol Klear     57
Ideologically Ambiguous Mermaids, Family Research, and the NBA Finals     71
"We Get the Party Started!"     89
These Crazy College Kids Today with Their Nutty, Fun-Loving, Ethically Shady Backroom Maneuvering     109
Alphonso Jackson Lives in Fear     115
Don't Have Gun, Will Travel Short Distances     127
It Must Be Safe if it Towers Above Everything Else on the Planet     137
I Put the Id in Idaho     151
Independence Day     165
Rexburg Is from Venus, Talk Radio is from Mars     181
Moral Turpitude as it is Realized Through a Pastime not Unlike Chutes & Ladders     187
Climbing Inside the Radio     195
Think Globally, Conservatize Locally     209
The Gay, the Kangaroo, and the Proselytizing of Sammy Sosa     219
Twinkle, or Man, that Ronald Reagan Sure Loved Popcorn     229
Dicky Really Is Tricky     247
Courtesy of the Red, White, and Blue (State)     263
Keepin' it Real with Ford, Coors, and Chaw     275
What Ended up Happening     297
Acknowledgments     311