I'm Hosting as Fast as I Can!: Zen and the Art of Staying Sane in Hollywood Book

Introduction ix

1 Can You Hear Me Now? 1

2 There's No Place like Om 7

3 Dulcet Tones and Hidden Gin 11

4 A Mime Is a Terrible Thing to Waste 19

5 I'll Always Have (South) Paris 25

6 Sometimes a Low Road Is a Highway 29

7 Frozen Dishes, Bottled Pigs, and Flexible Tubing 35

8 Thoreau Another Log on the Fire 41

9 Hopping Planes and Achieving Orbit 47

10 (Much) Better Red Than Dead 51

11 Physics and Bliss 55

12 Long Days and Short Spurts 59

13 Nuts, Sluts, and Heads of State 65

14 Lassie's Choice 71

15 Howdy Doddy, Bye-Bye Boston 77

16 Ready for Breakfast 83

17 And Now for Something Completely Different (with Apologies to Monty Python) 87

18 Why the Red Face? 93

19 Kill the Puppet 97

20 The Peter Principle Pox 103

21 Salmon Chanted Evening 107

22 Viva Liz Vargas 111

23 Live McCree or Die 117

24 Whoopi's Cushion 121

25 The Adventures of Captain Spasm 125

26 Tic-Tac-Toe-Hold 135

27 Game Changer 145

28 Coffee with the Captain 151

29 The Agony and the Annuity 155

30 Something's Amiss America 165

31 "Marco," "Polo," and Watts 169

32 Six Weeks of Sequins 175

33 A Step in Time Saves Mine 185

34 Dance Partners 193

35 Something to Plinko-ver 203

36 Yin, Yang, and Your Mama 209

37 But Enough About Me 223

Acknowledgments 227