Catholic Guide to Caring for Your Aging Parent Book

Contents Introduction: Caregiving Is Personal xv

Part One: You Are a Caregiver

1 The Realities of Growing Old 3
“Not My Parent” 3
Understanding Aging 5

2 Welcome to Caregiving 9
The Sandwich Generation 9
Stages of Caregiving 11
The Basics of Catholic Caregiving 14

3 The Spirituality of Caregiving 17
God Knows 17
The Role of Spirituality in a Caregiver’s Life 20
A Prayer for a Greater Awareness of the Presence of God 22
How to Nourish Your Spiritual Life 23
Praying as a Caregiver 25
Responsibilities of the Church and Your Parish 28
How Your Parish Can Support Caregivers 30

4 What to Expect . . . and What to Do about It 33
Handling Unexpected Emotions 33
Anger 34
Guilt 35
Exhaustion 38
Respite Care 40
The Need to Talk 43

5 Caregiving Is a Family Affair 45
You and Your Siblings 45
Preparing Your Children to Visit Your Parent 47
When You’re Married to the Caregiver 50
Caring for an In-Law or a Stepparent 51

Part Two: Caring for Your Parent

6 Conduct an Assessment 57
Physical Condition 59
Mental Ability 60
Emotional and Social Health 61
Spiritual Life 63
From an Evaluator’s View 64
Choosing the Best Solution 65

7 Understanding Your Parent 67
Your Parent’s Generation 67
Independence, Control, and Self-Determination 71
viii • Contents Losses 73
Grief 75
Confusion about Role Reversal 79
“I Don’t Want to Be a Burden” 80
Always a Parent: Worries about Adult Children 82
Challenges of Communication 83

8 Doctors and Hospitals 87
The Doctor 87
Getting a Second Medical Opinion 90
When the Professionals and Your Parent Disagree 92
At the Hospital 93

9 Physical Well-Being and Decline 97
Vision Loss 97
Hearing Loss 100
Dental Problems 102
Poor Nutrition 104
Problems with Mobility 106
Wheelchairs, Walkers, and Canes 108
Incontinence 109

10 Mental Health 111
Mental Illness 111
Dementia and Alzheimer’s Disease 115
Depression and Suicide 119
Alcoholism 123
Tobacco Use 125

11 Emotional and Social Health 129
The Need to Have Fun 129
The Danger of Isolation 131
Celebrating Birthdays and Anniversaries 133
Grandparenthood 136
Writing Memoirs 137
Leisure-Time Activities 140

12 Spiritual Matters 143
Spiritual Health 143
Helping a Parent Find Forgiveness and Peace 147
Welcome Back to the Church 149
The Gospel of Life 150
The Sacraments 151
Penance and Reconciliation 152
The Eucharist 154
The Anointing of the Sick 156

13 Your Parent’s Safety 159
Home Safety 159
Personal Safety 162
In Case of an Emergency or a Disaster 164

14 I s It Time for Your Parent to Move? 169
Housing Options 169
Choosing a Nursing Home 171
Should Mom or Dad Move In? 174
When Mom or Dad Moves In 176
Saying Good-Bye to the Family Home 178
Finding Help for Your Parent 180
Hiring a Case Manager 181
When Mom or Dad Doesn’t Want Help 183

15 Finances and Other Paperwork 185
Financial Management 185
Health Care and End-of-Life Decisions 188
Personal Affairs 190

16 Some Special Problems 193
Helping Your Parent Give Up the Car Keys 193
Long-Distance Caregiving: Talking on the Phone 196
Long-Distance Caregiving: Visiting Home 198
Keeping Secrets, Telling Lies 200
Dealing with Your Parent’s Racial and Ethnic Prejudices 203
Euthanasia and the “Right to Die” 204
Taking Care of a Crabby or Formerly Abusive Parent 206
Refereeing Fights between Mom and Dad 209

17 Dying and Death 213
Preparing for Death 213
Talking to Your Children about Death 216
Words That Sting, Words That Comfort 218
Hospice 219
Sorting Out, Moving On, Remembering 221

18 The Church and Dying 225
Funerals, Memorial Services, and Cremation 225
The Vigil 229
The Mass of Christian Burial 230
The Committal Rite 231
The Communion of Saints 232

Part Three: Appendixes

Appendix I: Resources for Caregivers 237
Caregiver 237
Catholic 239
Critical Issues 242
Death and Dying 243
Disability 244
Diversity 244
Government 245
Grandparents 250
Housing 250
Legal 251
Mental Health 251
National Organizations 253
Resource Information 257
Support 260
Suggested Reading 261

Appendix II : Assessment Guides,
Checklists, and Reminders 265
Tips for the Caregiver 266
Caregiving Stress: Warning Signs 267
An Assessment Checklist 269
Home Safety Checklist 275
Depression Checklist 280
Driving Skills Checklist 282
Legal and Financial Paperwork Checklist 284
Elder Abuse Checklist 288
Evaluating Housing Options 290
Evaluation of Assisted-Living Facility 292
Evaluation of Nursing Home 298

Appendix III : Traditional Prayers of the Catholic Church 303
Sign of the Cross 303
Apostles’ Creed 303
Lord’s Prayer 304
Hail Mary 304
Glory Be to the Father 305
Memorare 305
Angelus 306
Magnificat 307
Hail Holy Queen 308
Peace Prayer of St. Francis 308
Contents • xiii Prayer to the Holy Spirit 309
Act of Contrition 309
Prayer to My Guardian Angel 311
Grace before Meals 311
Grace after Meals 311
The Universal Prayer, Attributed to Pope Clement XI 311
Eternal Rest 314
Rosary 314

Index 329