Reviews for Incubus Dreams

The average rating for Incubus Dreams based on 2 reviews is 1 stars.

Review # 1 was written on 2012-10-26 00:00:00 Tammy Lariviere "We're wasting time with all this personal sh!t.” WARNING: Sorry about the gif spam. I make an effort to keep it to a minimum in my reviews, but this one needed some gifs or I would go mad. PLOT: Oh, you expected a plot summary of this book? Okay, I'll try to be serious now. Larry is marrying that horrible, evil, wicked Tammy. Anita is one of the groomsmen. Because. She drags along her two boytoys. Because. She is called to the scene of a crime. Apparently strippers are being killed. Whoaaaaa, that was way too much plot! Put that away until the last 15% of the book, because we need to have Anita hump everything in sight. She practically makes out with Nathaniel at the wedding, humps Damien, flirts with Richard, and forms a new Triumvirate. Why? Because. Anita flies by her office to show that there is no such thing as a strong woman not named "Anita Blake" in this universe. She wears a super-short skirt and scanty attire and is p!ssy when the police at a strip club mistake her as a stripper. It's not because she looked like a stripper, and it's a logical assumption to make; oh, no, they are just sexist pigs. And then, Anita hops from one dick to the other. I am not kidding; she has some form of sex like a half dozen times in a few hour time period. Eventually, after whining endlessly about how awful it is to have a harem of men that willingly want to have sex with her, Anita goes to find out who's killing the strippers in THE most abrupt transition I have ever read in an Anita Blake book. If you are expecting it to be interesting...be prepared to be disappointed. And because we can't go an hour in this book without Anita jumping something, Anita has sex with Micah one last time before the book ends. This is THE WORST Anita Blake book I've read. I didn't like "Obsidian Butterfly", but I will admit it was because of the misogynistic themes and the child rape. The story wasn't actually half bad. This piece of sh!t, this horrible excuse for a "novel" should NEVER have been published. It is a badly written, poorly executed, bloated, boring, dull insipid, whiny teenaged wet dream that ought to have STAYED on FanFiction.net instead of making its way into the published world. Let's just get this out there: Anita Blake is a Mary Sue, pure and simple. Any hint that she might not be is completely torn away in this book. She whines about how she doesn't have one single person to call her own - when she has THREE BOYFRIENDS. She can say horrible things about other people - but when Ronnie jokingly calls Anita "weird", Anita bites HER BEST FRIEND'S HEAD OFF. Anita is the most unpleasant, unlikable, REPULSIVE character I have EVER read. Sure, Anita likes to pretend she's grown up, that she doesn't bite people's heads off or start fights, but NOTHING in this book proves to me that Anita has grown up beyond 14 years old. The "men" in Anita's life have absolutely no personality and almost nothing to distinguish themselves from each other. Jean-Claude calls Anita "ma petite". Micah is Anita's height and they share clothes (yes, they apparently do this). Nathaniel has long hair and acts like a freakin' 1950's housewife - that is, when he's NOT acting like a 5 year old. Asher has golden hair. Damien is constantly near death. Richard is an @$$. There IS NO OTHER CHARACTER to these people. Hell, cardboard cutouts would have more personality than these nameless, featureless, colorless lumps for Anita to have sex with. And boy, does Anita have sex!! I lost track of how many times Anita had sex or talked about sex or whined about sex or gave tips about sex or talked about how she liked to fondle a man's junk in her mouth before it was rigid. It was ridiculous. It was literally like reading some teenaged girl's masturbatory fantasy. Like climbing into bed with Laurell K. Hamilton. I cannot take credit for this image; one of my amazing commenters posted it on my status update And the sex scenes WERE NOT SEXY. I would venture to say that 90% of them, Anita HAD to perform or die from the stupid ardeur. All of the sex scenes were so bloated with talking, pre-, post-, and DURING SEX that I wanted to scream, "JUST HAVE SEX ALREADY!!" And I swear, Anita can never have sex with just one person. Oh no, she has to have two people, even if one is just watching. Awkward much? And the ardeur...I cannot believe how stupid this thing is getting. You know, it could ALMOST be an interesting plot point. I can see it, lurking under the surface. The desire and lust that Anita wants to bring out, but her morals hold her back. But it is done SO WRONG. Instead of Anita growing up and learning to love sex, Anita just continues to act like a child and whine about it. Instead of having CONSISTENT RULES, the ardeur basically changes to whatever LKH needs it to at the time. That's why it can be that Anita goes from feeding it every 12 hours to every 6 and then to not at all in a 24 hour period. YOU DO NOT DO THIS. You do not create rules and then violate them. And you don't create rules that make Fizbin look like an easy game to learn. And now, if it's a Tuesday with a full moon, you must have sex with a half werewolf while a vampire's human servant is watching, while standing on his head over a bucket of warm milk. Other characters were equally as laughable. As I've said a billion times before, every single woman in this series is useless or hateful to Anita. Jessica, Tammy, and now my poor, poor Ronnie - they are all horrible people that are no where near as awesome as Anita Sue. Jessica is upset because Nathaniel was single, but now he is with Anita. And of course, who's fault is that? Jessica's. Because Anita is blameless and pure, who deserves every hot man that appears in these novels. And of course, not Nathaniel's fault for not clarifying it with her. Nuh-uh! No man has EVER led a woman on! A woman who wants to resurrect her son turns violent in Anita's office when Anita refuses to raise him. Who's fault is that? Definitely not Anita's! It's totally the woman's fault for being emotional and irrational (I half expect someone to blame the woman for being all hormonal because of her period!) Ronnie feels threatened when Louie tries to corner her and marry her. When the two break up over their differences, Ronnie, in the depths of her despair, goes to a cheap club to get drunk and try to drown her sorrows. She calls Anita, asking for a ride. And what is Anita's response? "I'd had enough...of Ronnie dragging our asses down here, enough of her self-destructive indulgence." Aw, what a WONDERFUL FRIEND. I wish I had a female friend as heartless, cold, and selfish as Anita Blake!! What plot there is in this book is boring and dull, a regurgitation of plots from previous books. It's not particularly bad, per se, but it is NOWHERE NEAR good enough to be able to sludge through 80% of this crap. And then your favorite and mine...the writing! Here are some of the brilliant quotes that LKH GOT PAID TO WRITE. Just to clarify: She wrote them. An editor read them and GAVE THEM THE OK. They MADE IT TO PUBLISHING. PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO SELL YOU THIS WRITING. Sit back and enjoy the... Top 5 Best (Worst) Quotes That LKH Suckered People Into Paying Money For: 5. "I watched the vampire come at me like a comet streaking across the heavens, something elemental and otherworldly." I have always been a fan of paranormal celestial beings myself. 4. "The front of his pants spilled open, and he spilled out. Either he wasn't wearing any underwear or it couldn't keep him contained...the sight of him nude excited me, made me nervous, afraid in that Oh My God, where am I going to put it all sort of way." Quick! Someone get a mop! 3. "You don't fall in love with your steak, because it can't hold you, can't press warm lips in the bend of your neck and whisper 'Thank you' as it glides down the hallway in the charcoal grey slacks that fit its @$$ like a second skin and spill roomy over the thighs that you happen to know are even lovelier out of the pants than in." I think the metaphor is dead, LKH. 2. "It wasn't my pulse I was choking on; it was as if the terror itself were wet silk, and I was trying to swallow it. Slick, wet, suffocating." Metaphor OVERLOAD!! And my absolute favorite... 1. "His pulse beat like something alive inside his skin." OMG, he's ALIVE?!?! NO WAY!! Who would have thought something with a PULSE was ALIVE?? And from this point on, LKH is never allowed to use ANY of the following words or phrases again: - frown harder - spill - very male - tight - wet - f@#$ me - metaphysics - blue, blue eyes - blush harder I thought I was never going to finish this fecal matter. I cannot believe this stupid piece of sh!t is 26 hours long. NOTHING happens in this book. The mystery doesn't matter, Anita grows no closer to figuring out all the "metaphysical" bullsh!t that LKH has invented for her life, Anita still whines about having 6 boyfriends and near constant sex, and to make matters worse, ALL the characters suffer. Larry has disappeared. Ronnie is unrecognizable. Jean-Claude is almost never around. Sure, Nathaniel gets a bit of a plot, but adding him as an official member to Anita's dick closet is NOT what I call character development. This is the poorest excuse for a book. I've been harsh on this series; I've gotten mad at it numerous times. But THIS book is sh!t, pure and simple. Most of the rest of the books have had SOME redeeming quality. Even "Narcissus in Chains" and "Cerulean Sins" fell into the "so bad it's good" territory with the atrocious writing. This book is so bloated, so boring, so dull that it is nigh unreadable. I don't to read about what gets LKH off. I don't want to read about her Mary Sue proving everyone to be not as much of a tough @$$ as she is. Because that is what this series is quickly becoming. No, when I open these books, I want to read about a vampire hunter, an executioner that KILLS PARANORMAL BADDIES. If there is sex, great. But when a good 80% of the book is about sex, having it or talking ENDLESSLY about it, I AM GONE. Will I be returning to Anita Blake, Vampire Sex Gymnast? I honestly don't know; this book was so terrible, that I am half tempted to call it quits here. I have taken two breaks during this series; THIS IS THE BOOK THAT I MAY QUIT ON. (In case you are doing a comparison...) AVOID AT ALL COSTS. I couldn't think of a good way to incorporate this into the review proper, so just enjoy this post-review beauty

Review # 2 was written on 2015-11-14 00:00:00 Shannon Marie Okay, so I had been warned beforehand that this series would eventually "jump the shark" and turn into a crap-fest. And, here we are. Crapfestville! Crapfestville's neighboring towns Here's the thing, I don't mind sex in a book if it is a part of the bigger plot in these kind of books. Or, if it's just straight-up a paranormal romance novel. But, this...ugh! This is like someone who is having a clusterfuck in their head that they decided to write down for posterity and got paid a bunch of money because the previous books were good. I knew they should have stopped at "H" is for Horny. The problem with this story is that there is no real story here. Sure, there is supposedly a serial killer case, but there are probably 50 pages of the almost 600 pages devoted to it. The rest of the book is devoted to Anita arguing with her lovers and screwing every male with a pulse. There is one part of the book where Anita, Jean Claude, and Richard have an argument in a bed that lasts for 50 pages. 50 Pages!!! Of a boring argument!! That is the same amount of time devoted to the actual serial killer. Personally, I would rather have been killed by the serial killer than to read this conversation. It was painful. Especially if he is going to be the death of me. Now, this is the funny thing. I have read the next two books after this. Why? I have been moving and these are the books that I kept on hand to read while everything was packed and the internet was out. It doesn't get any better - that's my advance warning for the next two reviews that I will be writing. ;) Get ready to visit.