Reviews for The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships & Other Adventures

The average rating for The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships & Other Adventures based on 2 reviews is 3 stars.

Review # 1 was written on 2007-08-12 00:00:00 Mary Schuette This book should've been called "How To Be a Human Being." :) Everything it talks about has to do with how to have effective and enriching relationships in all their forms. Own your feelings, be honest, be open about what you want, be willing to compromise, talk to each other, listen to each other... I was particularly interested in what it had to say about owning one's feelings - that no one can make you feel anything. That idea goes a long way in making strong emotions more manageable. Also, I really appreciate that it acknowledges those emotions. It doesn't say you shouldn't feel a strong, negative emotion, it says that what's important is how you act on the negative emotion, and how you let it affect the people you say you love. Also, reading this definitely corrected certain assumptions about polyamory that I had. It's funny...but a lot of what's considered "polyamorous" is stuff that I wouldn't consider outside the bounds of what I would consider a monogamous relationship! The key is, though, any relationship can work as long as everyone involved is clear about what they want, and honest about their intentions. I tend to bristle whenever anyone perports to have "the answer." Now, I know this book was primarily designed for people who are already considering a polyamorous lifestyle, or are at least interested in the topic, and several times it said something like "monogamy is fine if you actually choose it"....but then it would go on to talk as if monogamy=depression and polyamory=freedom. Taking one kind of dogma and replacing it with another does not equal freedom to me. The only thing I believe means actual freedom is the ability to make a choice and allowing an environment where people don't feel ostracized for making one choice over another. If someone chooses "vanilla sex" with one person for the rest of their life, they shouldn't be made to feel as though they are somehow lesser for being "less adventurous" or "repressed" any more than someone who chooses an open relationship should be called "promiscuous." Lastly, I had trouble with some of the logic used in this book. For example, when they say that "do parents of nine children love their children any less than the parent of one child loves him/her?" And the thing is, YES. Parents always have a favorite. Parents always love one child (or several children) more than the others. This doesn't mean that they don't love the other children, but it does mean that they are loved differently. They shouldn't love all their children the same. If what separates human beings from animals is the ability to make conscious choices, then we can't balk at the idea that there is one thing or one person we would choose over something or someone else. I mean, even the distinction between "primary" and "secondary" relationship illustrates that. I think the biggest problem for me with this book is that there was no real distinction made between emotional and sexual monogamy. Monogamy is simply used as the all-encompassing opposite of polyamory. But as was illustrated in so many of the relationships used as examples in this book, very often people in a group love relationship have one person they are the most emotionally committed to - and not even that they are interested in being "life partners" with, owning a house or having kids with - but two people who are committed to each other, and committed to a certain lifestyle together. There's always a person we enjoy being with the most. It doesn't mean we don't love and enjoy being with our other friends, lovers, family, whatever....but people have favorites, and ultimately, a most favorite. Pretending that's not the case seems silly to me.

Review # 2 was written on 2008-01-30 00:00:00 Ryan Oballe I feel like it is written for/by pagan couples in their fifties who go to the Renaissance Faire, i.e. not bisexual ladies in their twenties. It's a good introduction to these concepts, though. Interesting stuff like your hippie parent would tell you about, without having to listen to said parent talk.