Reviews for Parenting Teens with Love and Logic: Preparing Adolescents for Responsible Adulthood (4 Cass...

The average rating for Parenting Teens with Love and Logic: Preparing Adolescents for Responsible Adulthood (4 Cass... based on 2 reviews is 2.5 stars.

Review # 1 was written on 2011-07-02 00:00:00 John Burrill I am of two minds about this book and the approach. On one hand many of the principles are sound and have given me a calm framework for working through common issues with my teens. It is also a reminder that adolescence is a time to start granting your child greater autonomy. I do feel that the degree to which a parent can do that depends a lot on the child - and when the child betrays certain trusts sometimes they have to have some freedoms temporarily reduced. The options presented in the book seemed too drastic sometimes - leave your child to themselves for the most part but then offer them the option of living on the streets (p.173) for example. But the idea of open dialogue re: issues is useful - freedom in action (for the most part) but always with discussion. Encouraging kids to take ownership of education, etc. All good thoughts. Where this book really stopped working for me was in the examples and sample conversations. Some are just ridiculous and hokey. I would be disappointed in my child if they could not see through such transparent conversational manipulations. It might make life easier, but I would wonder what was wrong with my child that they could be so easily manipulated. Even worse, in a sample conversation presented as "real" a mother discusses the dangers of early promiscuity with her daughter (p. 123) " Mom: When young girls have sex early, the darn bugs have a lot more time to gnaw away at the cervix...they can make it pretty ragged you know...[later on] the sperm have a real challenge..it gets too crowded with bugs and scar tissue...."I agree that there are real dangers to early promiscuity but if your child is mature enough to be having this conversation you ought to use science based evidence and REAL terms. Later (because this bizarre conversation was so effective) these same parents receive a letter from a college health professional complimenting them on their sexually pure daughter. I cannot believe that letter is for real and, if so, I feel it violates a number of health ethics codes- especially patient confidentiality. My biggest WTF moment (and really, I have WTF written in the margins several times throughout) came on pg. 245. This is a sample conversation of a mother cautioning her daughter in a smooth and calm way re: the potential dangers of chat rooms. As the mother has, with love and logic, brought her daughter around to seeing the dangers she adds: "That's a wise decision. (then, with a laugh) I'd be pretty broken up if you were raped and cut up." WTF?!?! Really, my head exploded when I read that. When would it ever be appropriate to toss off a comment about rape and dismemberment with a cute little chuckle? NEVER! NEVER FREAKING EVER! That comment tossed off lightly would ALWAYS be WRONG. I have never been moved to write a letter to the author's of a parenting book in protest, but I am tempted now. The edition I am reading is 2006, I can only hope that someone caught that ERROR and has corrected it in subsequent editions. I keep telling myself that maybe I am over-reacting but NO I AM NOT. I am just pretty doggone sure that in any context that pretend mother is WRONG. So there is my conflict in rating the book, some very useful information and ideas - will generate some great discussion between myself and my spouse as well as between us and our teens, but the authors can keep their sample conversations because I have more respect for my kids than to use false and/or misrepresented horrors presented in an eerily calm fashion to manipulate them (as if i could) - if I tried it I know my kids and they would choose living on the street over listening to these dialogues. And I could hardly blame them.

Review # 2 was written on 2013-06-23 00:00:00 Paul Gill Short on love. At various points it advocates throwing out teens because helping them might cost a lot of money, and telling your daughter you'd be bummed if she was raped and cut up because she got involved with a weirdo in a chat room. Craziness! I also don't care for their religious views. I wish books that use a Christian or bible based philosophy would state that on the cover. The bible is not a good basis for parenting, in my opinion. So, that makes this a bit short on logic too. I think the stuff about throwing out teens, etc. comes directly from christian beliefs about how God (seen as a parental figure) treats "sinners" (damnation, punishment, etc). This is not my belief system, so I can't justify using it as a basis for parenting. The stuff about sex was also quite religion based, which stands in the way of healthy, normal discussion with teens about sexuality. There is a section in the book about a mom talking with a 15 year old about why early sex is bad, it's all about "the darn bugs have a lot more time to gnaw away at the cervix of the uterus; they can make it pretty ragged", it's just ludicrous. How about a discussion that's age appropriate and factual? Fifteen year olds can handle a lot of information about sex that's specific and scientific. How about "we think it's healthier to avoid sex until marriage (or whatever) because you are safe from pregnancy, stds, emotional problems, etc." and actual scientifically accurate info, like birth control effectiveness, std statistics, etc.? Scary talk about "the darn bugs" is plain idiotic. I like the idea of preparing teens for responsibility, but I'm not sure this is the best approach. There is nothing here for parents of teens with big problems, except the advice to "seek counseling". (I recommend "The Explosive Child" for parents of kids with anger problems or depression.)