Reviews for Breaking Hearts: The Two Sides of Unrequited Love

The average rating for Breaking Hearts: The Two Sides of Unrequited Love based on 2 reviews is 3.5 stars.

Review # 1 was written on 2018-03-15 00:00:00 William C Delphenich I don't understand why I keep reading this author when it is clear that his writing style makes me cringe. Anyways, he has some good things to say I guess and I value those little observations over the vast biased pruned scientific claims he stands for. So here goes the review: love is the most powerful and happiest state one can achieve. To achieve this state a pair must both be invested equally conclusive with the matching equity theory. That is not in any way news to any of us but here comes the best that this book had to say about those people who tried to get to the highest happiest state but failed to do so. First and foremost unlike what our intuitions tell us there is no winner in unrequited love. One would assume that the rejector would be somewhat happier and would get a boost of esteem at the very least unlike the aspiring lover which would have had the opposite experiences, that is a loss of esteem and an unhappier state after the rejection, but research shows that when long term union is not achieved both sides suffer. Unlike our intuition tells us, the rejector has the worst aversion to the episode. The pursuer on the other hand does suffer from loss of self esteem and from being rejected but is able to look back with much less regret than the rejector. The rejectors, aside from those with pathologic disorders, feel a lot of guilt and wished they had never met the aspiring lover in the first place. The aspiring lover has two scripts: the hopeful romantic or the broken-hearted victim, the rejectors lack scripts and thus are overall more confused about what to do compared to the aspiring lovers. This whole situation contributes to the poor communication between them: the aspiring lover doesn't want to hear about rejection and the rejector is reluctant to articulate the rejection in a firm and clear matter which in turn makes the aspiring lovers try harder while the rejectors "suffer" the consequences of unwanted advances. Thus nobody ever sees the rejector as a victim of the aspiring lover but in his mind he is. ***I say in his mind because if one is indeed so miserable at the unwanted advances from an aspiring lover one must clearly tell so for a couple of reasons: first nobody is a mind reader so if you don't like someone tell them, secondly lying is cowardice thus you are leading on a person without telling them the truth, hence you're taking advantage of them and it is unfair to them or you, so it is your fault for creating so much suffering. Third, I can only see the rejector as a victim when in fact he or she has clearly expressed disinterest in the aspiring lover and ceased completely to see the aspiring lover. Anything less than that is taking advantage of the aspiring lover.*** one interesting idea came out of this book is that a man and a woman can hardly be friends. One of them is hoping that by staying friends the other will change their minds and thus become lovers. So a heterosexual friendship is nothing more than a dance between the rejector and the aspiring lover each feeding each other. There are more nuances the author addressed in the book which I felt were either speculations or needed more data or more scientific arguments to be backed up but overall they seem really plausible, some claims related to attachement theory for example. It would have been interesting to see a comparison between healthy vs. pathological groups. ***denotes the beginning and the end of my opinions.

Review # 2 was written on 2017-10-17 00:00:00 Pablo Lastra A good reminder that loving someone unattainable can be as painful and uneasy for them as for ones self. A good realignment.