Reviews for A pirate's love

The average rating for A pirate's love based on 2 reviews is 1.5 stars.

Review # 1 was written on 2010-09-15 00:00:00 Kimberly Mclaughlin I'll have to write a proper review of this rape-o-rama tomorrow. It's crap like this that turns me off to historical romance novels. OK, so it took me two days to get back to this. I will summarize the book for you so that you don't have to wade through it and let you draw your own conclusions. ____________________________________________________________________ Bettina (AKA Simpering Obnoxious Victim or SOV for short) -'Hi, I'm Bettina. My daddy doesn't love me enough. So I became so obnoxious that he sent me away to a convent. Now that I'm home he is sending me to a man I've never seen to be his wife. Woe is me!' *enter the mother* mom - 'I know you are being sent away so your father doesn't have to see you anymore to someone you've never met. But I have good news. The man you thought was your father really isn't. Since he is such an ass, I took to screwing sailors in port. Best time of my life! So remember, if you get to your new husband and don't love him, I suggest you find someone who knows how to treat a wanton woman right.' SOV - 'Thanks mom. I'll keep that in mind.' *sails for the new world - a brief interlude where the captain tries to keep SOV away from the horny sailors but she doesn't listen and one is almost whipped to death for attempted rape. Then they are attacked and she is captured by pirates.* Rapist (AKA Captain Tristan) - I've captured a fair young maiden! Take off your clothes so I can rape you now. SOV - I'd rather you didn't. Rapist - If you don't, I'll kill all the prisoners. SOV - Well, if you put it that way, OK. *rape ensues* SOV - Now set the prisoners free! rapist - I lied, there are no prisoners. SOV - I only disliked you before. Now I will scream and cry because you lied to me! rapist - get used to it. I'm going to continue to lie to you and rape you daily. *days of sailing with more lies and as promised a daily raping* maid (who had birthed SOV and miraculously stayed with SOV throughout this ordeal - how you like it when Captain Tristan gives it to you? SOV - how do you think? he rapes me daily. maid - you might want to think about enjoying it. He certainly does. No reason only one of you should be having fun. He's actually pretty good looking. SOV - were you dropped on your head alot? i said he RAPES me daily. maid - I'm just sayin' is all. *Instead of being ransomed to her future husband, she is taken to the rapist's super secret lair* SOV - why are we here? rapist - I'm not done with you. In fact, I really like raping you daily. SOV - this sucks rapist - speaking of which... *SOV actually does something and escapes, is miraculously picked up by a passing ship, mistaken for a boy and captured by a press gang, escapes, is captured by the first would be rapist, escapes, and finds her way to the home of her fiancee* SOV - I'm saved! fiancee (hearafter referred to a douche bag or DB) - Oh. Well, um... SOV - it was terrible! I was raped again and again! DB - yeah, about that. I don't want to marry you any more. But why don't you bend over this table and we'll see if the pirate measures up to me. SOV - um, no. You really are a douche bag aren't you? DB - yeah. Pretty much. By the way, your mother is here. Something about your ass of a dad being dead. SOV - mom! mom- Sweetie! so did you get any? SOV - WTF is wrong with you people?! mom- i'm just askin' is all. *that night SOV and mom are kidnapped by none other than the rapist himself.* rapist - so glad to be raping you again. SOV - rapist, meet mom. Mom, the rapist. mom- oh he's a big feller. and handsome too. You remind me of a certain sailor I used to know... rapist - if you don't mind, I'm going to strip your daughter, tie her up, keep her imprisoned, and screw her six ways to sunday every chance I get. mom - you two have fun! SOV - mom! those screams you hear every night? Does it sound like I'm having fun? Does it sound like I enjoy this? *after a few weeks of separation from everyone but the rapist where she is kept locked up, naked, and raped daily something occurs to our SOV* SOV - shit. I'm knocked up. *with promises of good behavior she's released from her room and allowed to wear clothing again.* SOV - mom, how's it going? mom - pretty good. You have such a dashing young man. He's very thoughtful and considerate you know. SOV - I've got a bun in the oven. mom - I'm so happy for you both. Are you enjoying yourself yet? SOV - I really think you like to see me humiliated and raped daily. mom - I just want you to be happy. * after months of raping and other pointless episodes, enter the bad paper thin stereotype slaver murderer who kidnaps SOV to lure the rapist to him* rapist - hello, my name is inigo montoya. You killed my father. prepare to die. paper thin character - aha! you fell right into my non-existent trap. I've tied your woman up in the other room in such a way that the baby will fall to it's death unless it can bungie on the umbilical. and last I looked the baby's head was about to come out. AAARGH! you can't kill me! i'm the ... *falls dead* rapist - I've found you! sov - yep. now get me down from here. baby's on it's way. rapist - I noticed. sov - you don't have to rape me anymore. rapist - I was going to wait until you were done with this. I'm not completely uncaring. sov - thanks for that. I appreciate the compassion. Oh and just so you know. I love you now. rapist - reaaly? Cool. let's get married. sov - mom will be so proud. This is just how I always imagined it would be. the end. _______________________________________________________________________ Maybe this is just your sort of thing. I just don't see how anyone would like this.

Review # 2 was written on 2010-09-08 00:00:00 Roy Biv If you extremely loved this book, or a die-hard Johanna Lindsey fan, please do not continue. Welcome, welcome! Do you honestly think that your life is seriously fucked up? Then please come on down and take the Bettina Verlaine My-Life-Sucks meter! This is an effective way to measure if you're luckier than the rest or if your life sucks enough that you should contemplate suicide. Following questions are answerable by yes or no only: 1. Are you unloved by either or both of your parents? 2. Do you have tantrum attacks or temper fits so really worse that your dad had to send you to a convent/seminary? 3. Did your dad arrange your marriage to someone really far away just to get rid of you? 4. Have you traveled by seas and a. almost been raped by the crew? b. been abducted by pirates? c. Been raped by a pirate? 1. Did you enjoy being raped by a pirate? 2. Escaped the pirate, only to cause a pubfight? 3. End up in jail? 4. Rescued from jail by the very pirate who raped you? 5. Have you been stuck in an island and the only way out is to pretend to be a boy? a. Been forced to be a cabin boy, though you're a girl? i. Escape being a cabin boy,but end up at the clutches of the man who almost raped you? 6. Have you almost been whipped to death? 7. Does your betrothed have no plans of ever marrying you? 8. Did you end up loving the same pirate who raped you? If predominant answers are NO, you should be cheery for Bettine Verlaine's life is seriously worse than yours. If predominant answers are YES, then your life is seriously fucked up, but never fear for Bettina Verlaine survived all these tragedies and I bet you will too. I, on the other hand, enjoyed Johanna Lindsey's novels once upon a time. I admit, it's written nicely skillfully, however, the book and plot was just awful, awful, awful! *resembling a child with tantrum fits* Despite Bettina Verlaine's life being definitely worse than mine, I definitely thought of hitting my head on the wall with all her misfortunes. On my Bettina Verlaine meter, this book goes straight to the mouth of a volcano. Literally.