Reviews for Avoiding Mr. Wrong: And What To Do If You Didn't

The average rating for Avoiding Mr. Wrong: And What To Do If You Didn't based on 2 reviews is 3.5 stars.

Review # 1 was written on 2017-03-06 00:00:00 Lesley Pennicook Detached Man - Clues to Spot: 1. Appears emotionally retarded in relationships, 2. Talks about things, not feelings, 3. Active at work, passive at home, 4. Often uses work as escape, 5. Most things take on mechanical and predictable feeling Woman he’s attracted to : 1. Used to being in relationships with detached, mechanical men, 2. Has low expectations and few demands, 3. Is often neurotic and unbalanced, 4. Is frantic, distracted, and busy – leaves him alone, 5. Type who takes care of everything at home, 6. Glamour girl to enhance his image Women who falls for him: 1. Likes initial attention that comes from safe distance, 2. His career-mindedness makes her feel secure, 3. Believes his statements about temporary nature of workload. 4. Thinks he will be a good provider. 5. Believes that once he knows her, he will change and put her first What to do: 1. Accept him as he was when you meet, 2. More acceptance will make him freer to become what you want, 3. Point out positive things in him; praise him, 4. Find small area he might alter & encourage him in that direction, 5. Forgive him daily; don’t let bitterness build up Controller - Clues to Spot 1. Doing things right is more important than relationship, 2. Becomes irritated and angry when you mess up, 3. Is critical of others most of the time, 4. Is close-minded, established in ways and will not vary, 5. Uses intimidation to force others to do it his way Woman he’s attracted to: 1. Is insure, unsure of herself, 2. Is confident only in her role of meeting his needs, 3. Is loyal and devoted, 4. Is willing to be possessed and controlled, 5. Is mousy and weak Women who falls for him: 1. Wants to be controlled so doesn’t have to grow up, 2. Is used to living with a controlling person, especially father, 3. Mistakes perfectionism for efficiency and proficiency, 4. Believes he controls situations and things, not people, 5. Compensates for insecurity with his seeming confidence What to do: 1. Acknowledge when he’s right, 2. Praise him for who he is, not what he does, 3. Remember that the problem is his/him, not you, 4. Stay calm and avoid confrontation, 5. Refuse to react, don’t try to fix things when he’s upset Mr. Wonderful- Clues to Spot 1. You feel as if he’s to good to be true, 2. He goes to extremes to impress and is over involved in your life, 3. It feels like he is consuming more and more of your time, directing what you do as if he wants to have more power over you, 4. You observe him being able to talk his way out of anything Woman he’s attracted to, 1. Is beautiful but naïve, 2. Has confidence only in her desire to meet his needs, 3. Passively accepts abuse, 4. Has a history of neglect and abandonment, 5. Has codependency needs met through him Women who falls for him: 1. Is attracted to his charm and wittiness, 2. Loves the attention and his gentlemanly manner, 3. Is codependent, 4. Would rather be attached to something sick than nothing at all, 5. Is unwilling to look beneath the façade he has constructed of himself What to do: 1. Remember, you cannot change him, 2. Set boundaries on things you are not willing to put up with and enforce consequences that expose who he really is, 3. Realize that his Jekyll-Hyde cycle has nothing to do with you even though he will try to get you to believe that, 4. Create your own interesting life full of friends and activities you love Cowardly Lion - Clues to Spot 1. Is silent when most would speak up, 2. Is always making sure he is taken care of and safe before considering you, 3. Is much more full of fear than resentment in his passive nature, 4. Quickly changes his opinions to match whomever he is talking with; but when you appear strong in your opinion will back away, 5. His faith is weak Woman he’s attracted to: 1. Is as much like him as possible, 2. Is willing to cower along side him as world passes by, 3. Has money and can take care of him, but has not earned it due to personal strength, 4. A mousy woman who will make few or no demands on him, 5. Has very few goals and low expectations, feels like a social outcast Women who falls for him: 1. May confuse his cowardly ways with caution and caring, 2. Wants to control him, 3. Feels comfortable with his ways due to familial patterns, 4. Enjoys the freedom of his low expectations of her, 5. Live in a small world, does not see her potential What to do: 1. Explore why you are attracted to him- from need to control or need to be free of risk, 2. Develop your faith in a great force so fears are not keeping you with him, 3. Don’t try to change him through not so subtle hints, 4. Seek out health people and spend time with them Mr. Angry (also passive-aggressive) - Clues to Spot 1. Is passive or active, subtle or direct with rage, 2. Targets rage on you, 3. Sees women as good-bad, Madonna-whore, etc., 4. Is uptight, obsessive, demanding, perfectionist, 5. Rages when you have needs – he discounts others and their needs Woman he’s attracted to: 1. Is a caretaker, 2. Is a people pleaser, 3. Is someone he wants to trap into taking the brunt of his anger, 4. Is someone who lets others dominate her, 5. Is apt to blame herself for problems Women who falls for him: 1. May mistake anger for strength, 2. Is familiar with living with angry people, 3. May need an excuse to vent her own anger, 4. Feels special being the focus of even negative emotions, 5. May feel she deserves his rage What to do: 1. Realize you cannot change him, 2. Learn not to be a victim, 3. Develop spiritual life and get support from others, 4. Handle your own anger, 5. Get away if he is violent Mama’s Boy - Clues to Spot 1. People wonder when he is going to get away from his mother, 2. Either treats mother too well or terribly, 3. Is unwilling to make a commitment to you, 4. Does more for his mother than you and thinks you are selfish to be jealous, 5. Defends her over you, refuses to understand your emotions while completely accepting hers Woman he’s attracted to: 1. Is a “girl just like his father married”, 2. Appears willing to take second place to mother, 3. Is independent enough to handle all inconvenient details of life for both, 4. Has low expectations of him, 5. Will put up with his passive-aggressive behavior Women who falls for him: 1. Is used to being used, 2. May enjoy feelings of power of mothering a man, 3. May be afraid of an egalitarian relationship, 4. Believes her love will win him over and save him from mama, 5. Sees him as noble, gentle and kind in the way he treats his mother and thinks she will be treated that way too What to do: 1. Realize he will only change if he wants/a crisis (her death?) moves his toward maturing, 2. Develop relationships with other couples where man is not a boy, 3. Forgive him and don’t let bitterness build; grow yourself, 4. Find a support group and work on removing enabling behaviors from your relationship The Deceiver - Clues to Spot 1. You begin to doubt what he says and suspect he lies about most things, 2. He show no remorse or genuine shame when you catch him in a lie, 3. He is unable to empathize with other and offends most, 4. He can be charming and easy to follow, 5. He often puts you down in public to protect his lie Woman he’s attracted to: 1. Is vulnerable, naïve and very trusting, 2. Appears wealthy or from a family that seems to have wealth, 3. May be recovering from the loss that puts her in a desperate situation, 4. Is subservient and comfortable being a caretaker, 5. Has a history of commitment and long-term relationship Women who falls for him: 1. Believes his stories and thinks life would be interesting with him, 2. Responds to his charm when she has doubts about the relationship, 3. Is ruled by her emotions, doesn’t think rationally if she feels someone is in love w/ her, 4. Is drawn to his self-confidence and smooth way of handling situations what rattle her, 5. Is comfortable with his style – may be like her father What to do: 1. Go slow – don’t rush into anything, 2. Do not share your financial information or give access to your things, 3. Keep a record of when there are discrepancies in his stories, 4. Demand he get counseling and that you participate in at least some of the sessions, 5. Do not believe when he says he will be different, watch what he does and not what he says, do not trust him until he has proved himself over an extended period of time The Addict - Clues to Spot 1. Physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual aspects of life affected by addiction start to disintegrate, 2. Denies he has a problem despite increasing preoccupation, 3. Addictive behavior escalates and progresses with increasing destructive consequences, 4. Acts distant, moody, even abusive, especially when not participating in addiction, 5. You sense increasing dishonesty and that he lives a double life, unable or unwilling to account for his time Woman he’s attracted to: 1. Follows the rules of don’t talk, don’t trust, and don’t feel, 2. Is used to living with stress and chaos, 3. Has trouble maintaining boundaries, 4. Is a caretaker or martyr who cares so excessively that she is willing to be a doormat, 5. Is looking for acceptance she didn’t find as a child Women who falls for him: 1. Sees his potential and is sure her love will make the difference, 2. Caretaking feels normal and good to her, 3. Thinks this time will be different and she will heal him, 4. Feels incomplete and desperate on her own, 5. Denies his addiction is a problem What to do: 1. Obtain help for self, 2. Accept comfort and grace from others and higher power, 3. Admit you cannot change him/fix his addiction, 4. Stop all enabling behaviors that allow his addiction to continue, 5. Set up boundaries and stick to them. The Eternal Kid - Clues to Spot 1. Is self-centered (either sweetly or arrogantly), 2. Irresponsible at the core, 3. Chauvinistic, man are more important than women, 4. Lives in a dream work and does not learn from his mistakes, 5. Has a temper and lashes out when confronted then runs away Woman he’s attracted to: 1. Is a caretaker of others, 2. Doesn’t mind being used to make a man comfortable, 3. Can cope with living in poverty during a bad spell when he’s out of work, 4. Will leave him alone to tinker, invent, watch tv, - do what he wants, 5. Will overlook his faults and see his potential Women who falls for him: 1. Enjoys being in charge and caretaking, 2. May be the oldest child who took on adult responsibilities early, 3. Mistakes his irresponsibility for playfulness, 4. Believes it will be fun to grow up together, 5. Is a people pleaser who dislikes conflict What to do: 1. Don’t nag or threaten like a mother, 2. Give him a lot of space while you develop your own life, 3. Discover what is in you that is attracted to him and resolve that inner need, 4. Don’t compromise anything just to keep him from leaving, 5. Expect him to listen but understand that he can’t understand or empathize The Ungodly Man - Clues to Spot 1. Has no understanding of a power outside of himself from a personal and intimate perspective, 2. May appear religious as a cover for his own desires, 3. Unwilling to delay gratification or think beyond present comfort and wants, 4. Often talks of things as “God’s” fault, 5. Overly sensitive to and offended by talk of God Woman he’s attracted to: 1. Varies, 2. A saint – to save him in the end, 3. A person to share his distain/disappointment in god, 4. A women who will allow him to play god, 5. A women who will leave him alone Women who falls for him: 1. May enjoy his ungodly ways, 2. May be burned out on religion or also blames god, 3. Sees him as a project she can fix for god, 4. Is attached to his self-assurance if she is haunted by doubts, 5. May buy into his pseudo-religion What to do: 1. Set boundaries to honor your spirituality, 2. Examine your motives for becoming involved with him, 3. Pray for yourself and for his change of heart, 4. Do what needs to be done in love to model for him, 5. Pick battles – don’t let everything become an issue of faith Stop Being a target Be strong – make your own decisions, don’t play the victim, respect yourself. Don’t allow yourself to be used. Expect the best treatment from your significant other. Develop higher expectations – set higher standards for yourself. Make reasonable remands of the other person, don’t be passive. Don’t overlook problems with his personality. Don’t take on the caretaker role. Go slow – take time to get to know the other person. Go to premarital counseling – talk about this issues Explore your attraction – why is he attracted to you and you to him; search for the reasons you like this man. Examine what you have in common, the more the better. Be with someone who you can enjoy as many activities as possible. Look at what you do not share. Study him - keep notes about what he says about himself and others to find patterns and inconsistencies - learn his goals, dreams and ambitions – are they consistent with how he lives his life and with yours - find out fears, insecurities, pains and hurts – this may be hard for him but if he can’t then you haven’t dated long enough and extend the engagement how does he handle stress; what are his positive and negative habits and how does he use them to grow Research his life - meet and get to know his family - see how he treats his mother (model for how will treat you) - father (indication of how he feels about himself) - get to know friends (find out what he likes about them & what they think of him) Listen to your friends – ask them to be truthful and listen to what they have to say about him and the two of you Find your motive for marriage. Agree on full financial disclosure before combining them or getting married.

Review # 2 was written on 2018-08-06 00:00:00 Trent I Everyone should read this!