Reviews for Coming to critical engagment

The average rating for Coming to critical engagment based on 2 reviews is 4 stars.

Review # 1 was written on 2018-06-05 00:00:00 Jeffrey Jaeger An insightful and enriching book from a practicing psychologist for tough times. Daphne Kingma proposes that our traditional (default) views of relationships are antiquated. In reality our reasons in being in a relationship are selfish, not selfless, and the ending of relationships are normal. Does that make reality bitter and depressing? No, because she says relationships are more than a compatible parter but a transference of gifts. People come together because they meet each others needs originating from childhood, and fulfilling those needs is the exchange of Daphnes gifts. She provides plenty of examples of what is essentially people growing and evolving. This is what may be the real root of relationships (and I see a flavor of transactional analysis mingling here, as a TA fan). Does relationship loss hurt? Sure, the only thing worse is loss through death. Can it provide more than misery, pain, or regret? You betchya. There are always lessons to be learned and the act of selfishness can allow you to become a better, mature, and more wholesome being with the experience relationships can give you.

Review # 2 was written on 2016-01-22 00:00:00 Stephen Chmielewicz I found this book in my library today. It brought back many feelings as I read my notes & all of the colored markings. I read this book about five years ago while trying to understand why my marriage was coming to an end. I had tried saving the union in the previous six years. Honestly, logic and reality seemed like insanity. At that time, I was going over my past delving deep into my conscious mind of events, behavior wanting to know the reasons why our marriage had failed. I wanted to see both of our responsibility in the ending of a 25-year marriage. I could not put this book down once I started reading it. This book is not a marriage counseling book. It goes into logical reasons why some marriages are a failure before the start; the dysfunctional behavior brought into a marriage that is a loaded shotgun and myths of expectations. The advice on how to live through the ending of my marriage established some standards for me that soften my grief and allowed me to move on with dignity, understanding & kindness toward her & her new husband. One profound thought in closing that I learned from this book which I believe is the truth; "We live out our adult relationships from the experiences of our childhood."