Reviews for Getting past no

The average rating for Getting past no based on 2 reviews is 4 stars.

Review # 1 was written on 2009-07-11 00:00:00 Mar�a Del Consuelo Molina Solid foundation for negotiating. Don't get emotional, don't get caught up in their defensiveness, work with them, make the pie bigger, bridge the gap between the two parties interests, let them save face and be proud of the solution Quotes: "Effective negotiators do not just divvy up a fixed pie. They first explore how to expand the pie." "A contest of wills thus quickly becomes a conflict of egos." "BATNA is the key to negotiating power. Your power depends less on whether you are bigger, stronger, more senior, or richer than the other person than on how good your BATNA is. If you have a viable alternative, they you have leverage in the negotiation. The better your BATNA, the more power you have." "The secret of disarming is surprise. To disarm the other side, you need to do the opposite of what they expect. If they are stonewalling, they expect you to apply pressure; if they are attacking, they expect you to resist. So don't pressure; don't resist. Do the opposite: Step to their side. It disorients them and opens them up to changing their adversarial posture." "Stepping to their side means doing three things: listening, acknowledging, agreeing. Listen to what they have to say. Acknowledge their point, their feelings, and their competence and status. And agree with them wherever you can." "In sum, the hurdles you face are the other side's suspicion and hostility, closed ears, and lack of respect. Your best strategy is to stop to their side. It is harder to be hostile toward someone who hears you out and acknowledges what you say and how you feel. It is easier to listen to someone who has listened to you. And respect breeds respect." "Your counterpart can easily answer no to questions prefaced by is, isn't, can or can't. So ask a question that cannot be answered by no." "Your attacker is making two claims: first, that your proposal is no good; and second, that you are no good. You have the power to choose which claim you want to address." "We often blame our negotiating counterpart's resistance on personality or basic nature, but behind the impasse usually lie some very good reasons. Consider the four most common ones: not their idea, unmet interests, fear if loosing face, too much too fast." "You have to jettison three common assumptions: that the other side is irrational and cant be satisfied; that all they basically want is money; and that you can't meet their needs without undermining yours." "Building a golden bridge involves much more than making the other side an attractive proposal. First, it means involving them in crafting the agreement. Second, it means looking beyond their obvious interests, such as money, to address their more intangible needs, such as recognition or autonomy. Third, it means helping them save face as they back away from their initial position; it means finding a way for them to present the agreement to their constituents as a victory. And last, it means going slow to go fast, guiding them step-by-step across the bridge." "A threat is an announcement of your intention to inflict pain, injury, or punishment on the other side. It is a negative promise. A warning, in contrast, is an advance notice of danger. A threat comes across as what you will do to them if they do not agree. A warning comes across as what will happen if agreement is not reached." "It allows you to step to the balcony and view your difficult negotiation from a new perspective. You break through by going around the other side's resistance, approaching them indirectly, acting contrary to their expectations. The theme throughout is to treat your opponent with respect - not as an object to be pushed, but as a person to be persuaded. Rather than trying to change the other side's thinking by direct pressure, you change the environment in which they make decisions. You let them draw their own conclusions and choose for themselves. Your goal is not to win over them, but to win them over. To accomplish this goal, you need to resist normal human temptations and do the opposite of what you naturally feel like doing. You need to suspend your reaction when you feel like striking back, to listen when you feel like talking back, to ask questions when you feel like telling your opponent the answers, to bridge your differences when you feel like pushing for your way, and to educate when you feel like escalating." "1. Go to the Balcony. The first step is not to control the other person's behavior. It is to control your own. When the other person says no or launches an attack, you may be stunned into giving in or counterattacking. So suspend your reaction by naming the game. Then buy yourself time to think. Use the time to reflect about your interests and your BATNA. Throughout the negotiation, keep your eyes on the prize. Instead of getting mad or getting even, focus on getting what you want. Don't react: Go to the balcony. 2. Step to Their Side. Before you can negotiate, you need to create a favorable climate. You need to defuse the anger, fear, hostility, and suspicion on the other side. They expect you to attack or to resist. So do the opposite. Listen to them, acknowledge their points, and agree with them wherever you can. Acknowledge their authority and competence too. Don't argue: Step to their side. 3. Reframe. The next challenge is to change the game. When the other side takes a hard-line position, you may be tempted to reject it, but this usually only leads them to dig in further. Instead direct their attention to the challenge of meeting each side's interests. Take whatever they say and reframe it as an attempt to deal with the problem. Ask problem-solving questions, such as "Why is it that you want that? or "What would you do if you were in my shoes?" or "What if we were to...?" Rather than trying to teach the other side yourself, let the problem be their teacher. Reframe their tactics, too, by going around their stone walls, deflecting their attacks, and exposing their tricks. Don't reject: Reframe." 4. Build Them a Golden Bridge. At last you're ready to negotiate. The other side, however, may stall, not yet convinced of the benefits of agreement. You may be tempted to push and insist, but this will probably lead them to harden and resist. Instead, do the opposite - draw them in the direction you would like them to go. Think of yourself as a mediator whose job is to make it easy for them to say yes. Involve them in the process, incorporating their ideas. Try to identify and satisfy their unmet interests, particularly their basic human needs. Help them save face and make the outcome appear as a victory for them. Go slow to go fast. Don't push: Build them a golden bridge. 5. Use Power to Educate. If the other side still resists and thinks they can win without negotiating, you need to educate them to the contrary. You need to make it hard for them to say no. You could use threats and force, but these often backfire; if you push them into a corner, they will likely lash out, throwing even more resources into the fight against you. Instead, educate them about the costs of not agreeing. Ask reality-testing questions, warn rather than threaten, and demonstrate your BATNA. Use it only if necessary, and minimize their resistance by exercising restraint and reassuring them that your goal is mutual satisfaction, not victory. Make sure then know the golden bridge is always open. Don't escalate: Use power to educate."

Review # 2 was written on 2017-06-04 00:00:00 Linda Cucchi-robinson Nothing new or shocking here, but I was pleasantly surprised to learn that I do many of these things when faced with a difficult situation. Ury also outlines the ways negotiations fall apart, which was helpful by highlighting to me that I'm likely to give in too easily, or look for an alternative to building what he calls "the golden bridge." I think the most important lesson I learned from this book is in understanding the other person's perspective. You may see the benefits of doing something a certain way, but perhaps those benefits aren't what the other party is looking for. Understanding how to achieve your own needs is only one half of the struggle.