Reviews for Relationship Pain

The average rating for Relationship Pain based on 2 reviews is 3 stars.

Review # 1 was written on 2018-10-17 00:00:00 Richard Scott Ellwood Today, on my way to the library, I saw a dog take a shit. Not a big deal in of itself, but it happened in the middle of the city centre, on a pretty old street, right against a jeweller store. People sniggered and looked away while the dog's owner berated him for doing this. But hey, a dog's a dog, to it a corner is just as good as any other. Why am I telling you this? Because according to Fay Weldon, women would be much happier if we were more like that dog - let nature take its course and stop being so neurotic about our surrounding. Some lessons I learned from this book: - If you want to work against biology, start taking hormones and sign up for a sex change operation. - When you tell people what's on your mind, you're not being honest, you're being a downer. - Female orgasms have no biological function. Learning to fake it is the best thing you will learn. - If your partner cheats on you, it's because they're sexually unsatisfied. Be glad they come back to you. If you're unhappy with your sex life, cheat! Just hope that when it comes out, it won't matter to anyone anymore. -If a child is essential to your happiness, but you can't get it from your husband, get it from someone else! Nobody has to know, and it's a lot better than subjecting yourself to the humiliation of fertility treatments! So yeah, you can imagine I didn't really like this book. Weldon often says that the purpose of the book isn't fairness, but attaining female happiness. Nature isn't fair, she says, and proceeds to tell us that if we can't beat them, then we should just be content with what we have. See, this is the problem when people address criticism to feminist movement: A lot of its main representatives are priviledged white, straight, uppder-middle class women. The advice in this book would be good if you fell into that category, but if not - tough shit, kiddo, but that's the law of the jungle! "What Makes Women Happy" is the manifesto of the dissatisfied housewife of our days, the one who has no bigger problems than not getting an orgasm. What happens if you're black? Asian? Lesbian? Transgender? If you claim that women and men are different and this justifies sexism, the argument can easily be applied to racism, ableism and homophobia as well. Okay, so what happens if I decide that I want to be paid for the work I do? I contribute to the economy, it's only fair that I be paid in proportion to my contribution. What happens if I decide that I would rather my partner didn't cheat on me because I don't want to be saddled with some nasty STD without my knowledge? What happens if my blind date, which I set up to cheat on my husband, really does turn up to be a serial murderer? I should have known better, I imagine. The really sad part is that there are good ideas here. I like her main mantra: "Be good and you'll be happy; be happy and you'll be good," and she does make a good point about being less self-centred. But there are things that are worth being neurotic about. For example: - Voting rights. - Birth control. - The right not to be raped. - The right to not be infected with an STD. - Wearing what you damn want. Just a sampler.

Review # 2 was written on 2009-05-20 00:00:00 Bill Burrell Reading this book was such a strange experience. The author's basic premise - "Be good and you'll be happy; be happy and you'll be good" - seems like a generally sound idea. And in some of the particulars, I agree with her - don't be a self-absorbed twit, don't be nasty or a bully, go see some good art, listen to good music, go to church, help an abandoned child. But other pieces of advice left me scratching my head: If you sleep with your best friend's boyfriend, don't beat yourself up about it. If you and your husband are struggling to conceive, try having a clandestine one night stand with a random, healthy, virile, young man, preferably one who looks a little like your husband. This is preferable to exposing your husband to the humiliation of fertility treatment. (????) Or it's fine to have a casual affair if you're husband's health problems are leaving you dissatisfied in that arena. The author recognizes that one cause of women's unhappiness is the unfaithfulness of their husbands/boyfriends. So her cavalier advice about justifiable adultery for women under certain circumstances seems like a really bizarre and disturbing double standard. Her overall message seems to be this: our behavior and emotions are influenced by a complicated mix of evolution, genes, hormones, environment, conflicting desires, guilt, society, our upbringing, our conscience, etc. And there's rarely one clear path that leads to unsullied happiness. Turn down the chocolate, and we resent foregoing the pleasure. Eat the chocolate, and we feel guilt over our expanding waistline. We have to accept that there are trade-offs to every choice, and just learn to live with that. Although I was horrified by a lot of her advice, I will admit that I kind of enjoyed her writing style, especially when she wove her brief little character sketches and stories throughout the book. I understand she's mostly a novelist. I might pick up one of her works of fiction someday, and see if I like it any better. Maybe I'd give this book a 1 and a 1/2, if that were an option.