Reviews for Personal Relations Theory

The average rating for Personal Relations Theory based on 2 reviews is 4 stars.

Review # 1 was written on 2012-02-29 00:00:00 Mark Craft Full disclosure. I never feel lonely. I love being alone. I'm alone right now. It rules. As a serious self realizer/homebody/introvert my dander goes up when psychologists (or anyone else) challenge my need for quality alone time. I don't give a fuck what anyone says. I need it. I suffer tremendously when I don't have it. Fuck all y'all. That being said, I found this book to be very helpful and informative. One of the best, most eye opening books on human motivation and well being I have read in a long time. First off, the author distinguishes between loneliness and solitude. The author clearly acknowledges that solitude (introspective/restorative alone time) is health ya . But he challenges people who underestimate their own need for social contact i.e. people who think they need alone time, but are actually avoiding the anxieties and inconveniences of social life at their own expense. Additionally, the author distinguishes between being with people and feeling lonely. They are two totally different things. In other words, it's common to feel alone in a crowd, or even with people you love. And the antidote to loneliness isn't necessarily being around or with others. O.K. all you fellow introverts, still on board? Than read on. The central arguments of the book are: 1. People evolved to survive in cooperative groups. 2. Being socially isolated has deleterious health ramifications. 3. Being socially isolated can be a self perpetuating downward spiral. 4. Studying "the individual in isolation" is insufficient for understanding human thoughts, feelings, behaviors and general well being. Standard research paradigms (e.g. fMRI and other contemporary neuroscience measures, as well as well as most standard psychological measures) assume that in order to get at the "truth" of human brain function and behavior, you have to remove subjects from the social and environmental context. Simply put, if we only study individuals in isolation, we will miss lots of important stuff that could be helpful if we want to A) understand why people do the crazy shit they do, B) be less fucked up, and C) help other people be less fucked up. Our culture values individualism, autonomy and self determination. These values have lead to remarkable increases in standard of living for the average person. But the emphasis on the individual comes at price. Simply put. Lots of people in our culture feel lonely, socially isolated and out of relationship. As it turns out, loneliness (not necessarily being alone, but feeling alone) is pretty bad for a person. Loneliness elevates stress hormone production (cortisol), leading to a litany of serious health problems. Loneliness can be a self perpetuating trap. Loneliness impairs executive function making self directed behavioral change difficult. Simply being around people, even people you love, doesn't always alleviate feelings of loneliness. In fact, it can make it worse by obfuscating the real issue (what is the real issue you ask? Keep reading I say). NOTE: This is not a self help book and the author is not a clinical psychologist. He's a research psychologist. Really different things. But he does offer some advice to those who suffer from feelings of loneliness. According to the author, feeling lonely may be more about a general sense of purposelessness and lack of meaning than actual lack of human contact. Feeling lonely may actually be about not feeling truly useful to others in a meaningful way. Escaping the downward spiral of loneliness may involve a somewhat counterintuitive leap of faith. According to the author, the number one antidote to feeling lonely is being of genuine service to others in a way that is healthy and meaningful for everyone involved. That's right. Real well being (for humans) is not about simply being around other people. It's about being and feeling important to other people. Being integrally important to something "larger than ones self". As a therapist, I hear a very standard rebuttal to this type of advice. "I can't help other people until I feel better about myself". It makes a lot of sense. And it's true. You have to have something to offer before you can help. And yes, some people avoid their own problems by focusing on other peoples problems. It's a bit of a chicken or an egg thing. But the truth remains, that until you're truly useful to someone else, you may feel pretty fuckin bad. Being of service can start small. One step at a time. Doing someone a small favor at work. What ever. But according to the author, it's absolutely essential to real well being. And I have to agree. Read this book. And if you're lonely (and even if your not), take the advice. It's a pretty safe bet you (and hopefully someone else) will be glad you did.

Review # 2 was written on 2020-01-05 00:00:00 Warren Bishop Full Disclosure: I am an introvert. Full fledged introvert. I have a general disdain for the part of the ego that desires acceptance from other people. I feel a need to rebel and quiet that part of the self. And like most introverts, I do not equate being alone with loneliness. I also have what Ainsworth calls a non-attached attachment type. I do however do not wish to succumb to the extreme of my personality type. I wanted to make sure I was not being obstinately clinging to my introverted inclinations to the detriment of my well being. I wanted to make sure I was still the turtle who found the inside of his shell cozy and not some critter crushed under a rock of isolation. Having read this I have had to reconsider the causes of my recent inability to concentrate. I had suspected low testosterone and/or TSH levels, but now I would prudent to add my not so social introverted inclinations to the list of possible culprits. In which case, can someone give me a hug? Anyway, Cacioppo and Patrick postulate that loneliness has several detrimental effects. These things not only affect us on the psychological on social levels but also physiologically. It has a positive correlation to cardiac problems and impairs executive functions of the brain among other things. It reminded me a lot of Peggy La Cerra's "The Origin Of Minds." In it she mentioned that depression is an adaptive behavior which makes us slow down and asses the situation. (Of course the authors propose that loneliness be treated as a separate psychological disorder itself and not a symptom of, say, depression as we often think.) In this sense, loneliness is much like a fever, a response to a negative situation but, due to it's positive feedback properties, becomes problematic when left to it's own devices. The authors largely draw upon the branches of social and evolutionary psychology, more of the latter really, to, I think, a fault. About 2/3 of the 2nd part and much of the first part of the last segment, they discussed chimpanzee and bonobo behavior. Though it is interesting to a degree, I fail to see how bonobos rubbing crotches to greet each other has relative use to us humans. Indeed, at several portions of the book, I had qualms on how the comparisons between our cousins were being made. I mean, sure we share 98 percent of our DNA, but we are clearly very different from them. There's only so far you can take such observations. The slippery slope argument of course is that we fall into a Mein Kampf kind of rhetoric. (OMG. I sound like Glenn Beck.) Perhaps I was just projecting my expectations of the book. I am going to have to read this again when I become more learned in this corner of the science. Meanwhile, can someone please give me a hug already? =P