Reviews for The secrets men keep / Ken Druck with James C. Simmons

The average rating for The secrets men keep / Ken Druck with James C. Simmons based on 2 reviews is 2.5 stars.

Review # 1 was written on 2012-04-27 00:00:00 Jason Billig Hey girls! Are you shallow, desperate, immature, have no concept of reality or love, slightly sociopathic, and brain dead? Is it just too damn hard to keep your man at your heel? Are you tired of yanking that chain all day long? Then 'The Rules' is just the book to feed your fantasies. Honestly, what the shit kind of horrible person would write something like this? This book is sexist towards men AND women, absolutely shallow, ignores the real aspects of what a relationship is supposed to be built upon, and instead tells you that if you are a woman, you are supposed to have men at your feet. Because apparently only then will you have them loyal to you forever. Come on girls, grow up. Men are not as evil as your man-hating senses may perceive them to be. What does this book teach you? It teaches women how to manipulate men in order to keep 'em following them around like dogs. And obviously this is a piece of cake in bizzaro-world where men have no brain in their head to think with. And if you do that, like play hard to get (cuz that's totes romantic) they will be crazy about you forever and ever and will never cheat on you, because you're making sure that you're the center of their universe. You're making sure that they fucking worship the ground you walk upon, that they wait by the phone all day waiting anxiously for the sound of your sweet, beautiful breath, basically all that master/slave horse-shit. Dear men, on behalf of all the women with brains, I apologise. I'm sorry that these women who wrote this shit are giving your girlfriends these horrible ideas about you and what they should do with you. I'm sorry that this book pretty much describes men as disgusting monkeys who have not a speck of human emotion, and I'm sorry this shit is published. I know you're not like this, and even if some of you are, it's not because you're a man. Why do we have dating books like this? Dating books with these ridiculous, shallow ideas with no understanding of the true foundations of a relationship? This is not even dating. This is like a last resort for women who are too damn stupid and paranoid to keep a relationship. And if you're a woman and you have trouble with a relationship, but you are not stupid, and not paranoid and have a pretty good idea of what a relationship requires, THEN YOU DON'T NEED THIS BOOK. You're already too good for this book! Move along, go read something else, don't waste your time feeling bad about yourself by reading this garbage. I might just be 19, but I think I have a pretty good idea of what a relationship is supposed to be. And it's not about making them want you, or being paranoid about how faithful they are, or anything else being glorified in these stupid books. It's about being equal, and loving each other, and growing together. It's like being best friends with romantic connotations. Would you ever manipulate a friend? Would you play this master/slave relationship or this paranoia game with a friend? I didn't think so. So why would you treat someone you claim to love like that? And finally, isn't it funny how all these dating books are about men for women? Hey girls, here's how to control men! Love, some desperate single dumb ass. And everyone is totally fine with that. But I bet you my right arm and both my ass cheeks that if a man had written such a book about women (eg: Men, here's how to control your woman and make her want you: Play hard to get, chicks totally dig that shit) he would be deemed a sexist monster. I guarantee you. I didn't finish this book. It made me angry. And it made my male co-workers angry. And I don't blame them a single bit.

Review # 2 was written on 2009-03-05 00:00:00 Brian Vandermark I think this book has gotten a lot of undeserved bad critique. OK, OK, about 15% of this book is complete nonsense, and probably about 5% is outdated. However, a good 80% of it is genuinely good advice. As somebody who lived 25 years of her life being the complete opposite of a "Rules girl" and failing miserably at building healthy romantic relationships, I found myself a little more open-minded than the average person when it came to this book. Here are some ways in which I think this book succeeds: - distinction between the ways of men and women: Men and women are fundamentally different - not in terms of equality or worth as human beings, but in the ways they interact, behave and what each is initially attracted to. It's a scientific fact that our brains are wired differently. A man's first impression is primarily VISUAL - they are drawn to pretty girls and bright colors (whether it's a dress, shoes, jewelry, hair is a whole other story). So I don't think there's anything wrong with the suggestion to take care of ourselves so that WE can feel great about ourselves (what the man thinks is only an added bonus). Also, the suggestion to pay attention to what a man does, not what he says... Especially with men, actions do speak louder than words. - encouraging women to have a life of their own outside the dating world: Yes, the book is written mainly for women who are interested in finding the perfect husband. However, for every time the authors tell you to wait before responding to a man or limit the number of dates you have with him every week, there is an equal amount of effort dedicated to the theme of "don't just say you're busy, BE busy." Obviously it won't be possible to have an engagement every single Friday and Saturday night for the rest of your life (at least, it isn't for me), and sometimes you may have to keep the truth from the guy you're dating to maintain the impression that you're a social butterfly and thus be more appealing to him. I honestly don't see the harm in this: if being alone on a Friday night bothers you, then wouldn't it be even worse to advertise it to the men you're dating? And also: it's really none of his business what you're doing when you're not with him while you're still casually dating. - the idea of putting long-term goals before short-term gratification: Again, this book is geared primarily towards women who are looking for a long and happy marriage. If that's not you, then this book is not for you. But it's still no reason to trash the book. - boosting self-confidence: The way I see it, the rules are strung together with a very important thread, and that's the idea of women taking care of themselves, whether it be superficial (physical pampering), spiritual (doing yoga, meditation or anything else that makes YOU feel happy), and social (engaging in healthy romantic relationships). So for everybody who's saying this book is anti-feminist, I'll have to respectfully disagree. "Twilight" is a book about damsels in distress; "The Rules" isn't. The rules simply encourage you to be a challenge for the next guy who comes along, and I see nothing wrong with this. Yes, it really sucks that dating has to be a game, but at least in the beginning I believe that's the truth and everybody who's dying to open up and be honest about EVERYTHING (myself including) just has to suck it up and get through to the next stage... - "the Rules are not forever": This book is about presentation, not lying. They're not saying you can't be honest about your awkward ugly duckling phase in high school or the fact you're in AA - just not on the first couple dates. And assuming you are taking care of yourself (for yourself), this really doesn't matter in the long run. Yes, there are a number of spots where it seems like this book contradicts itself (the whole therapist business, the fashion magazines, etc etc), and if you want to nitpick the entire thing as though it's a classic of world literature, you're bound to find many faults. But I don't think that's what this book should be treated as. The biggest messages I got from it were to a) take care of myself (in every way, including not taking risks with the men I let into my life) and b) stop wasting my time and energy over dead-end situations (a message shared with "He's Just Not That Into You"). If these aren't empowering messages, I don't know what is. Heck, I'd even go as far as to say I'd make my daughter read this, if I ever have a daughter.