Reviews for I Don't Have to Make Everything All Better

The average rating for I Don't Have to Make Everything All Better based on 2 reviews is 4 stars.

Review # 1 was written on 2008-02-28 00:00:00 Craig Brandt After reading some well-written and some not-so-well-written books about human psychology and interpersonal communication, this book was a breath of fresh air. Rather than trying to appeal to the audience with buzz words and 360-degree paradigm shifts, this book made sense on a practical level for all sorts of situations. The first part of the book is essentially about codependency without ever using that word. To summarize briefly, the book teaches how to respond to other people's problems in a healthy way. It teaches that even small children are capable of solving their own problems and just need others to listen and encourage them. Phrases such as, "I can imagine that was really painful/embarrassing/sad..." or "How do you think you can handle the situation?" are validating phrases, which is the way we tell others that we value their viewpoint. We say, "What you're feeling is valid" instead of "That's screwed up. Let me explain to you the correct way to think." Giving advice is a common, unhealthy, mild form of controlling other people. It's like telling them: "You aren't smart enough to figure this out, so let me condescend to share my wisdom with you." When people are most confused or depressed, they need people to confirm that it's okay to feel confused or depressed. And if you can tell them, "Hey, I know you'll figure this out because you're strong and smart and there's nothing I could say that you can't figure out for yourself" then that's just icing on the cake. Okay, sounds cheesy but it works. I've been practicing these principles with my six-year-old and he's responded to it extremely well. Now I wonder how my friends have put up with me all these years when I didn't realize how condescending I was being. The more you know, the less you know. You know? I find that I'm in the habit of trying to be helpful by dispensing advice. I'm cringing at how readily the advice comes to my lips. Bad Juliana! No! I am, as always, a work in progress. I'm giving this two big thumbs up. If you want to borrow my copy or grab your own, let me know what you thought. I'd love to do lunch and hear what you have to say. I promise I'll be a good listener. This concludes my four-part series of self help books. Reading these in the order I read them in was fascinating. It reminded me how human psychology is complex yet interrelated. At the root of all the buzz words, there is truth. Sometimes it's like the figurative needle in the haystack, but the search is worthwhile. If you decide to pick up any of these books, let me know and let's enjoy chatting about them. The previous book reviews, in order, are: The Verbally Abusive Relationship The Emotionally Abusive Relationship Codependent No More / Beyond Codependency

Review # 2 was written on 2008-02-10 00:00:00 A.rahman Alkuwari I don't read a lot of self-help books, but this one was calling out to me. And believe it or not, I think about the things it taught me all the time. Mostly it is about being a good listener. . . and that most of the time when people are coming to you with a problem, they don't want your help or advice, they want validation. Meaning you don't have to fix their problems, you just have to let them know that, yes, what they are going through really is tough and that you care about them. Brilliant and true! And practical for real life.