Reviews for Liberation and its limits

The average rating for Liberation and its limits based on 2 reviews is 4 stars.

Review # 1 was written on 2015-06-22 00:00:00 Paul Miller When I found out a couple of weeks ago that this book existed, I was shocked and so extremely happy. I hurried up and bought this book off of Amazon and began reading it as soon as it was delivered. I now consider this book to be my Bible. Growing up, I always knew that there was something not quite normal about my family. My father worked 100 plus hours a week and very rarely wanted to spend time with me on his day off. In addition, he was drunk most of the time. That meant I was with my mother all the time. My mother was very controlling, and with the help of this book, I now know she was a smothering, depriving, and perfectionist controller, with slight hints of childlike and using showing up periodically. I will list several examples from my childhood that show what I mean when I say my mother was controlling: - She picked out my clothes for me. She chose what was purchased, when I wore an outfit and I had no say in if I liked it or not. She did this until I started high school. It felt great when I worked at a job and made money to buy myself an outfit. I will always remember what it looked like and where I bought it from. - She packed me the same exact lunch from first grade until she allowed me to make my own lunch, again around the high school years. I had ham/turkey slices, carrot sticks, and a slice of cheese. Not exactly what children want to eat, and definitely did not eaten every single day. - It was hard on my mother when I had friends over because she could not really control them. By second grade, I was not allowed to have friends over or go over to their houses. - In addition, my mother did not want me to have friends, period. She would tell me how to act in school, and when I did, classmates acted like I was crazy and wanted nothing to do with me. I would tell my mother and she would say that they were jealous of my hair (!!!!) and to ignore them. By third grade, not a single classmate wanted anything to do with me due to my weird behavior. This lasted until after I graduated high school. I was very lonely and sad. - I very rarely was able to see extended family. If I was at my grandparent’s house, I had to call my mom daily and if she did not like what I told her, she came to pick me up. I was virtually never allowed to see my dad’s side of the family. And when my grandma or aunt would try to make plans to get together, for a lunch or just a visit, my mom invariably cancelled. She could not stand the thought that circumstances might be beyond her control. - I had to be perfect in school. I excelled at reading and writing but did poorly in math. We would spend hours after school, her attempting to drill math into my head. All it did was intimidate me and I did not do well. She would pound her fists on the table and scream at me. - She often threatened to kill herself if I did not act the way she liked. One time, she was upset and I did not show enough compassion for her liking, so she screamed at me that she should just go to the kitchen and stab herself. - Everything had to be spotless in our house. We would spend hours cleaning the house and be made to redo it if not up to par. If I did the dishes and one or two of them were still dirty, she would splash dirty sink water in my face and then make me rewash each and every dish, dirty or not. - She would call family meetings. I knew this would be a time when all my faults would come out. She would sometimes sob that if I could just listen better, or love her more, everything would be ok. - She treated my father like a child. He never stood up for himself or for me. He would seem relieved when I got into trouble as that took the heat off of him. To this day, I cannot stand my dad and believe if he tried to stand up for me when I was younger, I would be able to tolerate him better today. - If we dropped food on our clothes while eating dinner, my mother would fly into a rage. It got to the point, during sixth grade, that I was so nervous to eat, that I usually skipped the meal or hardly ate at all. I lost a lot of weight during this time. I liked that this book made me realize all of my feelings towards my parents that I have as an adult are normal and that many others feel the same way as I do. I very rarely call my parents and only see them now because of my own children. Up until recently, I was afraid to do anything unless my mom was ok with it. I am married with two kids and still worried that she might get mad if I did something she did not like. The third part in the book was very helpful. I like that the author said we had a choice as to how we dealt with the past. I have options and like that there is no time frame. I will keep this book and refer to it often. I also plan on reading some of the other books that Neuharth referenced as I think they will help, too.

Review # 2 was written on 2007-10-01 00:00:00 Petra Widmann A pretty thought-provoking book. "More than anything, children want love. When you are a helpless, tiny creature in a world of giants in which events happen that you don't understand and can't control--a 'blooming, buzzing confusion,' as William James called an infant's experience--a parent who loves you and whom you can trust and love is the top priority for survival. Children need not only love but also all that goes with it: nurturing touch; acceptance; safety; belonging; being seen for who they are; and the freedom to laugh, cry, rage, and be afraid. Because they need love and acceptance so desperately, children will take them in any form they can get them. When they don't get love, they'll construe whatever they do get--including unhealthy control--as love. Therein lie the seeds of problems later in life. "The most unfortunate parallel between controlling families and destructive cults is that parental control becomes internalized in children, just as cult dogma becomes internalized in cult members. No parent can be present twenty-four hours a day. But controlling parents don't have to physically be there because the family system installs an omnipresent inner controller in the child. These twenty-four-hour internalized parents, with their nagging commentary, second-guessing, and criticism, can perpetuate deprivation, perfectionism, and speech-and-feeling control well into adult life. The inner control may surface in the form of poor interpersonal boundaries, feelings of unworthiness, lowered expectations, self-loathing, fear of closeness, or poor self-image." Exercises: 1. Meet your future self. When faced with a challenge or decision, envision yourself in 5 or 10 years, then ask your future self for advice. Doing so underlines the faith you have in your own innate development. 2. Trust yourself. Go through an hour assuming that you are completely trustworthy, your feelings reliable, and your intuition accurate. As situations come up, ask yourself, 'If I knew I was absolutely trustworthy, what would I do now?' This can help you see that you have within yourself all you need to handle challenges. 3. Trust gravity. One helpful exercise is Napier's 'Gravity-is-your-friend'. Lie down and feel the support of the bed or floor. Feel all you weight ease down into it and gradually let the ease deepen for five minutes. The earth will support your weight, and gravity will keep you grounded. Trust it. You can take this experience of trusting into relationships and situations. 4. Express gratitude. Take a minute at the end of the day to recollect all the experiences and gifts for which you are grateful. 5. Notice what you do. For one week, each night before bed spend 5 minutes listing what you accomplished, experienced, or became aware of that day. At the end of the week, look over your lists. You'll see plenty to acknowledge. This builds the inner nurturer instead of fueling the inner tyrants. 6. Explore various paths to spirituality. Pray. Meditate. Read. Visit a cemetery. Read about or visit Jerusalem or other 'holy' sites. Explore existential philosophy. Attend various church services such as an inner-city gospel, a fundamentalist tent revival, a Catholic mass, or a New Age or Zen center. Go on a vision quest.