Reviews for Zombeast

The average rating for Zombeast based on 2 reviews is 2.5 stars.

Review # 1 was written on 2010-10-08 00:00:00 Shane Darrigan **this is not a float - i have been ordered to edit this review to include something "necessary" i was watching the runaways last week, and in the bonus-feature interviews, dakota fanning was all wide-eyed exclaiming how she was so excited to finally get to act in a period piece. and i died a little inside. but so this book, from 1997, predates twilight but somehow it involves a werewolf love story. WHAAAAAT??? (her previous novel, silver kiss, from 1992, is about a vampire - suspicious*) so, to dakota fanning these books are practically vintage, and would be the historico-literary predecessors to the sparkly ones the kids are loving today. it's all about perspective. i never considered werewolves to be sexy. the shedding, the dogbreath, the teeth and claws; just not my particular fetish. however, the way this young teenage shewolf describes the changes her body undergoes during the full moon... woah. hot stuff. even when she is in human form, she completely owns her sexuality, and is aggressive and believes herself to be the most beautiful thing on either two or four legs. until her human lover sees her change, and does not agree with her ideas of beauty. (this is like a dude i dated once who wished i would dress "more feminine", when i used to only wear combat boots and assorted badassery.and i didn't change then, but now i only wear dresses,too late for you, guy - but i still say "fuck you, cichowicz!! fuck your standards of beauty!!")(i have given up writing on-point reviews. deal.) but so werewolves... this book is actually quite good. i may have to give it an extra star because there were a lot of elements i liked in it, and i had to read so many just mediocre books last week, this one is surely one-star better than most of them. she is an excellent stylist, and i was very glad she did not give the expected ending, but was willing to disappoint a whole lot of lovestruck teenie girls with the more "appropriate" ending. it also has one of the most romantic mid-coital lines, "i want to lay my kill at your feet". this makes me swoon,but makes elizabeth roll her eyes and scoff. maybe you have to read all the surrounding clawing and nipping and rolling around on the bed bits. (science fact learned from this book: when two werewolves bang, they can either be human or wolf or some sort of inbetween. convenient.) i don't know what else, but any teen fiction book that starts out with quotes from both hesse and kipling has gotta be good, right?? right??? add to that a vicious female protagonist who will literally claw your eyes out if you get in her way, and i think we have a winner. * also suspicious is the mother in this book is named esmé like the mother in that tremendously popular teen vampire series; a name i used to love. salinger is forever sullied for me, thanks, supernatural teen fiction moms... ** i have been told "you really CANNOT write a review of a book with that title and NOT include some reference to Elvis Costello. I suggest this link: please go add this to your review now!!" woof! i obey connor. come to my blog!

Review # 2 was written on 2010-08-20 00:00:00 Matthew Froderman Just a note of warning: I didn't like Blood and Chocolate. I read it on a high recommendation from a friend and it bored me to tears. But I persevered, hoping it would get better. It didn't. Our protagonist, Vivian, looks kinda like Megan Fox, only blonde. Vivian thinks of men like they're meat. Here are a few of her thoughts that we're privy to. A female on the loose was a dangerous creature; she could challenge another bitch for a male she fancied. Some of those male eyes strayed to Vivian, too, and she preened at the thought of being a threat. She and Esmé exchanged knowing looks, their lips plump, curved, and smug. and She was staring, she knew, but his face was delicious. His eyes were amused and dreamy, as if observing life from the outside and finding it vaguely funny. He seemed languid, not intense like the Five -- those jangly, nervy, twitching, squirming, fighting, snapping, sharp-edged creatures who demanded so much from her. She noticed his tall dancers frame and his long-fingered hands, and the thought crossed her mind that she would enjoy him touching her. and The boy to Aiden's left noticed her first. He was a burly blond with a good-natured face and eyes that glazed over slightly at her approach. Vivian couldn't resist, she winked, and his cheeks turned pink. It was so easy. The other kid, wearing some kind of funny lopsided haircut, kept on yakking away, but the girl looked over and wrinkled her nose. She was small, with close-cropped dark hair -- the sort of girl that wore black stockings even on days like these.I'll put a few more runs in those tights, honey, if you look at me like that again, Vivian promised silently. We're not dealing with a girl of astounding intelligence here. In this universe, werewolves only have two goals -- to kill things and to sleep with things. Notice I said things in both categories. I don't think these werewolves are very particular. Our love interest is Aiden, a rebellious, Satan worshiping, faux emo. Yes, you read that right. Our other love interest is Gabriel, a twenty-four year old weirdo. He reminds me of Edward, only creepier. You think Edward was a creeper? Check out what Gabe does to sixteen-year-old Vivian. "Or ..." His hand lashed out, grabbed her, and whipped her into his arms, where he held her tight. "We can take it fast and rough." His mouth came down on hers and his hot tongue parted her lips. She pulled back, but he caught her hair in his fist and pressed her close. She pushed on his chest and struggled in his arms, but he wouldn't let go. Damn him, she thought, tears forming.I don't want fierce, I want gentle. This doesn't seem very romantic to me. This guy makes Jacob, Sam, and Edward look like cushy Teletubbies. Seriously, if any of them were ever in jail with Gabe I'd advise them to not drop the soap. You think I'm kidding? This guy couldn't control himself when he was with his girlfriend in bed and he phased. Then, when she was scared, he smacked her upside the head. Of course he was sorry right? But being sorry doesn't exactly bring her back from the dead. Taking the words right out of Vivian's head here. "Who cares?" She thought briefly of slicing his hand but dismissed the idea. He [Gabe] was much bigger than her and didn't mind hitting females. If all werewolves are like this, and Gabe is pretty mild, Emily got away easy. Sam could have done much worse. Gabe is a creep, yet somehow this book gets praised as being everything Twilight isn't. I'd kill myself before recommending this book over Twilight. Edward might be a stalker, but at least he isn't a murderer. And let's remember, vampires need to kill humans to survive. These werewolves do it for fun. But I'll leave Gabe alone for a while. After all, there's much, much more to hate about this book. I'm not much of a feminist myself -- I really just believe in equal rights for everyone -- but some of the stuff in this book really disgusts me. For instance, "Why aren't females allowed to compete in the Ordeal?" Esmé said. She sat at the kitchen table. There was a leaf in her hair, and Vivian was jealous of Esmé's night in the open. "Gimme a break!" exclaimed Rudy. "Isn't it obvious? It's purely physical. Females are in a different weight category. Their muscles don't develop to the same degree. Why risk injury or death with no chance to win?" Vivian took the cup of coffee meant for her mother from Rudy's hands and leaned back against the counter to drink it. Rudy rolled his eyes, but poured another cup. "But some females are smarter than some males, craftier fighters," Esmé argued. Rudy set Esmé's coffee in front of her and sat down himself. "Stop being awkward, Esmé. It's only a way of matching fairly and protecting our own. You females get your chance. It's only the top female who mates with the victor. She has to be the strongest and the smartest to ensure our survival." "Yeah, great, some chance. It's a male's world, isn't it? A female may be queen bitch but she doesn't get to choose her king." "You loved Ivan, didn't you, Sis?" Rudy asked. "You didn't beat the crap out of every new girl who came along with a challenge just for the status." In this world, male werewolves are twice as big as female wolves. This is certainly awkward. Now in reality, male wolves are only a few inches bigger than female wolves. Keep in mind that wolves are animals, werewolves are half-human. In this world, a male werewolf can practically rape any woman he wants. There isn't really anything stopping him except for the other males, and they only intervene if they wanted to rape the woman first. Moving on. In addition to being anti-feminist, this book is also somewhat of a misanthrope. Like Twilight, I get the feeling that it promotes hate towards humans. Or interracial marriage. Guess what we learn? Being different is bad. If you can't get along with another species because they're afraid of you, it's alright to ditch them instead of trying to talk it out. Don't try to have a relationship with someone of another species because your only purpose in life is to breed with the alpha-male. At least, I got that's what I got from this book. Feel free to say otherwise. Besides the one-dimensional characters, the rapists, and the overall stupidity of our main character, we're treated once again to a plot fail. Like Twilight, this book doesn't gain an actual plot until the last fifty pages. Vivian is a moron. She makes Bella look like Hermione Granger -- an intelligent female character. In fact, as I was nearing the end of this book, I go bored. So I drew up a character comparison chart for those who have read Twilight and Evermore. The similarities are somewhat startling. Willem = Jacob/Jude Astrid and Rafe = Victoria and Riley/Drina and Roman Gabriel = Edward/Damon/Sam Vivian = Bella/Ever I forgot Aiden, but he's a cowardly loser so I can't really put him anywhere. The only character I like is Willem, and he speaks like three times. Also, we get a lot of weird relationships in this book. Astrid and Esme, both around forty, are lusting after Gabe, who is twenty-four. He gets with Vivian, who is sixteen. Astrid gets with Rafe, who is also sixteen. Rafe is best friends with Urf, who is Astrid's son. Yeah, we got some weird stuff going on around here. Blood and Chocolate was published first, in 1997. Sadly, we haven't progressed much. Instead of the blonde, beautiful, sex-obsessed idiots that L.J.Smith and Annette Klause write, we get the shy, ugly, idiotic twits that Stephanie Meyer and Meg Cabot write. The prose in this book isn't that great either. It reads like an amateur fanfic. I've said that before, but never has it been more true. The smile left Esmé's face. "Baby, I know you're lonely for kids your own age, but I wish you'd be careful. If you gotta wag your tail, wag it for one of the Five." and Because I, too, have a double edge, she thought.And you should run from me as fast as your legs can carry you. and His velvet smile forgave her. and Dear Moon, he's sweet, Vivian thought in anguish. and Esmé laughed. "She's a teenager, for Moon's sake. She's supposed to rebel." and Aiden didn't say anything else for a while, but just when she thought he had nothing to add to the topic, he spoke. "You're, like, so beautiful and cool and sure of yourself, I think the kids at school were frightened of you." If you're like me, you've read a lot of Avatar:The Last Airbender fanfics. And if you're dumber than me, you actually liked more than 90% of them. If you're really stupid, you read a few Greek/Roman fanfics and thought they were brilliant. Brace yourself for this nugget of truth -- they all sucked. And this book reads just like them. I forced myself to finish it because I wanted to write a review. I skimmed it last year, thought it was pretty bad, and decided to move on. Then I picked it up again. I didn't think it could get worse. Boy, was I wrong. I thought I had missed something. I missed nothing. This is like a bodice ripper in disguise. It's full of misused adverbs and adjectives, and the stupidest metaphors you'll ever read. I will never second guess myself again. I almost feel sorry for anyone who liked this and then turned around to hate Evermore, Blue Bloods, and Twilight. This is worse. Granted, it came first, but it's much, much worse. At least the Lying Game kept me interested, even if it was vapid garbage. This was boring. I give this .5 stars because I liked Willem and the cover. This had so much potential. It had the mythology, it had the premise, but it failed.