Reviews for Understanding Martian and Venusian

The average rating for Understanding Martian and Venusian based on 2 reviews is 1 stars.

Review # 1 was written on 2008-09-24 00:00:00 Christopher Curley My biggest problem with the book is that it is extremely sexist. The book continually explains that this is just how men are, and then goes on to explain how women can learn to deal with that. Biggest load of crap ever. While some people will certainly fall into these stereotypes, I believe this book may cause more harm than good. Some of the sexist highlights: -a woman should go shopping when her man decides that he needs alone time (this is how she can show him her love and trust) {apparently women were able to spend more time shopping when they lived on Venus, because the planet was "covered in shopping malls.") -a man can leave anytime he wants - in fact, he cannot even control when it is that he may need to leave -a woman is unfairly punishing a man if he leaves even when she really needs him and she then acts upset or hurt in the slightest upon his return Gray thinks that only women are needy, and that only men need to be alone. Not so. Apparently, Gray thinks that women only ever want to be with their men, and nothing more. Well, that is simply not true for most independent, capable, and informed women. But that is beside the point. Let's assume that it is true. What bothers me even more is that Gray identifies the different needs of men and women (men need space; women need someone to listen to them/emotional attachment), but he then goes on to explain that when both men and women are experiencing their needs at the same time, the woman simply must concede to the man's needs. Gray explains that *whenever* men need to be alone, that is just the way it is. There are no compromises. In his book, a woman, Cathy, asks the question: "If he gets to be in his cave then what about me? I give him space, but what do I get?" And here is the answer: "What Cathy gets is the best her partner can give at the time. By not demanding that he listen to her when she wants to talk, she can avoid making the problem much worse by having a huge argument. Second, she gets his support when he comes back - when he is truly capable of supporting here." That is simply ridiculous. What a woman gets is *whatever* her partner can give at the time. A woman just must let the man have what it is he needs, regardless of her needs at the time. I'm sorry, but being in a relationship requires selflessness, and that means that both men and women have to give more than what our selfish natures think we can handle. While I'll admit that some of Gray's advice is helpful (insofar as the individuals in a given relationship fall into Gray's stereotypes), they simply are just not that profound. Essentially, "if you listen to women and try not to take them for granted, your relationship will be better." Well, no kidding. The book just seemed full of perplexing thoughts. For example: "Men rarely say 'I'm sorry' because on Mars it means you have done something wrong and you are apologizing." Well, even on earth, I was under the impression that when you are apologizing, you say sorry. I don't know why the definition of sorry would somehow explain why men would be less able than women to say it. In the chapter about how to score points with the opposite sex, there is a list of 101 things a man can do such as bringing her flowers, listening to her, complimenting her, calling her, etc. Most of them are good, even if obvious suggestions; nonetheless, Gray's view of women as subordinate still creeps in. My favorite thing a man can do to score points with a woman is #67: "read out loud or cut out sections of the newspaper that would interest her." Good idea. Because I can't read, and even if I could, women don't read newspapers. Come on! Even more upsetting is that the corresponding list of 26 things that a woman can do to "score big with men" involves NOT doing things. For example, he makes mistakes, and she doesn't say anything; "he disappoints her, and she does not punish him." There are only a few things that a woman can affirmatively do to score points, one of which is "she really enjoys having sex with him." Again, women are largely the passive actors. I've wasted far too much energy and time already on this book. It is now dead to me.

Review # 2 was written on 2009-11-03 00:00:00 Steven Hooks There are some books that you hear about and you hear about and you hear about, and eventually you think, "Hmmm, maybe I ought to read that. It's had a huge cultural impact on our society, it might be a good idea to be in on that." Kind of like seeing Stars Wars, E.T. and the Godfather Trilogy (I still haven't seen E.T. or the Godfather Trilogy, but I hear they're both great). It's just a big cultural thing, you know? With books, there are a few that everyone needs to know. There are the obvious ones -- classics written by the likes of Dickens, Austen, and Hawthorne. There are those timeless works that were never meant to be popularly read, but rather popularly seen (Shakespeare, Euripides, Sophocles, Malowe), yet have somehow become English High School standard fare. And then there are the books that ripple through our space and time. Oprah said this, or my friend said that, or a church is protesting against this. The books that capture the public attention for longer than the space of a breath and manage to hold it. Sometimes these books have actually earned that attention. In most cases, not so much. This book? It really didn't. It said nothing that we haven't heard before. It actually reinforced a lot of offensive stereotypes. As a woman, one I personally took offense to was in the introduction. John Gray's telling the story of how, after his wife (Bonnie) had torn while giving birth to their first child, she'd been put on pain killers. After he took 5 days off from work to help her with taking care of the newborn, he returned to work. That day she apparently ran out of sick pills and asked his visiting brother to pick up a refill. For some reason, the brother didn't return with the pills. When the author/husband returned that evening, his in-pain wife starts crying to him about her day, he takes offense and they get in a fight. All perfectly reasonable and normal. Newborn baby, stressful times, blah, blah, blah. The reason this is important is because this is the authors so-called "Ah-ha!" moment. He apparently, at this point, turns to storm out, and his wife says, "John Gray, stop! You're a fair weather friend! You love me when I'm smiley and happy, but you don't like me when I'm frowny and down!" Or something to that effect. I've made it even cheesier than it was in the book, but let me assure you: it was pretty cheesy in the book. I am willing to bet it was not that cheesy in real life. Anyway, long story short, the author says that he realized his wife was right, all she needed was a hug, he'd been a taker and not a giver, blah blah blah. Then he said what pissed me off and made me throw the book across the room with a growl (don't worry, it was an old, beat-up copy that I obtained second-hand from a free bin). And I quote, "Another woman would have instinctively known what Bonnie needed. But as a man, I didn't know that touching, holding, and listening were so important to her." I hate those kind of blanket statements, and I have to admit I'm prone to dismissing any advice that comes from someone who makes those types of statements. Do you know what I, a born and raised female, do when someone cries? I pat them awkwardly on the shoulder and ask if there's someone I can call. People come in all flavors, and a blanket, generic statement isn't going to capture them. Neither is a condescending attitude of, "Remember back when you lived on Venus and I lived on Mars? Remember what that was like? Now we live on mean old Earth that has made us forget all those Venusian and Marsian traits!" My gosh, it's like a Scientology manual gone mad. I wonder if it is.