Reviews for Middle-aged sons and the meaning of work

The average rating for Middle-aged sons and the meaning of work based on 2 reviews is 5 stars.

Review # 1 was written on 2009-01-21 00:00:00 Bethany Schihl This is a must read for any woman who has been or is in an abusive relationship. Bancroft explains in great detail why some men treat their girlfriends or wives so abhorrently . This book taught me that it's not external influences that causes a man to be mean and angry--like he had a bad day at work, he is stressed about money, his childhood, or whatever excuse he uses--it's a fundamental value system he has about women. He learned this value system most likely from his father or another abusive man in his life. Or he learned this value system from society in general that teaches men that women are property, that men own women, they are entitled to, and they deserve control over them. Even the most liberal sounding man can have this value system. Another very valuable lesson I learned from reading this book is how to recognize the red flags of an abusive man. The saddest realization I learned is that it is very rare for an abusive man to change. In order for him to change, he has to recognize he has a problem and seek a therapist who will help him learn a new value system. This almost never happens. It is most prudent for women to leave an abuseer rather than stick around and wait for him to change because change most likely isn't going to happen. If you know a woman in an abusive relationship, encourage her to leave, because even if he's nice some of the time, the fundamentals are there to stay.

Review # 2 was written on 2011-02-18 00:00:00 Rich Sprague This book was a lifeline for me during a verbally abusive relationship I was struggling with. What Lundy says is so spot on, that you get a sense he has been a fly on the wall in your house, quietly listening and taking notes, for years. The other thing that struck me is just how very boring and predictable my partner's abusive behaviour was. I was never in any physical danger so my comments only apply to my situation but, once the scales fell from my eyes, nothing my partner said could ever hurt me again, because I'd figured out his game. Once I knew what to look for - tactics such as dismissing, distorting, diminishing, avoiding, passive aggression etc - it just did not affect me anymore. In my case the relationship ended once my partner realised that he no longer had the power to make me feel negatively about myself, but by that time, thanks to Lundy's book, I had already figured out that the man I thought I had fallen in love with never actually existed. This book is life altering.