Reviews for Prophets of the Dark Side

The average rating for Prophets of the Dark Side based on 2 reviews is 2.5 stars.

Review # 1 was written on 2020-12-18 00:00:00 Janine Wood 2.5. Still cringey but probably the best out of the series.

Review # 2 was written on 2021-01-02 00:00:00 Scott Yarman 1/12/ Ok, I lied, I did not come back with a review the same weekend I finished this. But here it is. After initially planning to make this my final book of 2020, I decided that this was the energy I needed to start 2021 with instead. The bad takes are all still here (casual ableism, the othering of what is not treated as the default, beings who have a human and a non-human parent are “mutants,” etc.), but this one is somehow more readable than the rest in terms of writing quality? I am not sure how to feel about this, as I am here for clownery, not quality; there was enough to keep me invested, but I miss the “hey, what the FUCK??” moments of previous installments. Maybe I’m just immune to it now? Anyway, have some bullet points. Here there be spoilers for the book, the series, and Rise of Skywalker, of all things. • “Luke Skywalker and his twin sister Princess Leia follow the path of the Jedi.” MY LONGEST YEAH BOI EVER (and yes, I know there should be a comma there, and no, she doesn’t really get to do much other than move the plot a long and plan her wedding, but lET ME HAVE THIS) • Idk why we’re still insisting that the Empire is, like, super aligned with the Dark Side when even the movies show that they are, Palpatine and Vader excluded, indifferent to Sith Nonsense at best. Eh. • “confined to a hover-chair” yeah, don’t like that, that’s Bad • Bold of them to off the main antagonist in the first chapter. Did not remember it happening that early, but it’s been a while. o Rest in piss, Space Gaston. • The Empire is using a MIND CONTROL DENTAL IMPLANT to make Triclops, like, dig through Alliance filing cabinets in his sleep lol • “I couldn’t help overhearing” SURE, KEN • Ken starts talking about the “wisdom” he feels he’s acquired and Luke slaps him down in a way that…wasn’t as mean as it could have been lol, but still • A prophecy concerning a Jedi Knight is regarded as potentially applying to Luke or Leia. She is a Jedi KNIGHT in this timeline and that automatically makes it better than the Disney one, sorry, I don’t make the rules. • The Prophets of the Darkside have all black table settings – black table cloth, black plates, etc. Ngl, kind of respect their commitment to the Aesthetic • They invite Zorba to dinner to get info out of him, and they all hate it. Zorba and I enjoyed ourselves immensely, tho. o Zorba: *huge onomatopoeia’d belch* Congratulations on the accuracy of your prophecies (WHY IS THIS FUNNY THO???) o Several Moods o They have a rug that took 100 Ewoks 5 years to make, presumably not by choice. o One last hurrah for zoochberries • Han is weirdly uninterested in planning HIS OWN WEDDING, doing like some A/V setup at most, and leading Leia to have to make all the decisions on her own o Ugh ugh ugh we still can’t do gender well, huh? I’m so tired, y’all o “…do you think Admiral Ackbar should sit with the delegation from Calamari?...Or should we put him at the table with the top Alliance officials like Mon Mothma?” “…do you think Chewbacca should sit at the Wookie table or with us?” Are…are we segregating guests by species? Maybe that’s not what it means, but that’s what the wording makes it sound like??? WHY WOULD THE BEST MAN NOT SIT WITH THE WEDDING PARTY????? o Also, did the Davidses kinda sorta name Mon Calamari??? Huh. • Zorba @ Grand Moff Hissa: • Big Fuckin Spiders :/ • IM SCREAMING they actually acknowledge that a regular Y-Wing couldn’t hold The Squad and say that Luke’s is a modified one. They must have heard me yelling about it. Incredible. • “The grand moffs are all guilty, but we conclude that Hissa is the guiltiest.” asjdgahjdf • “’Zneeeech Kbooooop!’ Artoo-Detoo tooted” • Molasses exists in the Star War • Stun blasts don’t knock your ass out here, they just sorta mess up your nervous system. Which? Maybe there’s different levels of stun? Idek. • Ken is three for three in terms of consuming food and/or beverages given to him by a known enemy. Did the robots not teach him about Stranger Danger???? • I thought it was going to be a tea made out of the psychotropic tree bark mentioned a few books ago, but it’s just the usual truth serum spice stuff apparently, boooooo. • “His face wore a bitter scowl” LMAO • So we learn about Ken’s parents, which is not really a big shocker given stuff mentioned in previous books, BUT – and this is a SPOILER, but if you’re this far in I don’t think you care- his daddy is Triclops and his mama is Kendalina, (a “””Jedi Princess”””” mentioned in passing a book or two ago. o Oh no, Ken really is a Jedi Prince :p o What does it mean to be Jedi royalty?? I know we didn’t know that much about them circa 1993, but still o Triclops being his dad means the Palpatine is his grandpa (news Ken does not take well). Palpatine Fucks. Palpatine Has Always Fucked. o Rey is Ken’s cousin and this delights me • Luke gives Ken a nice talk about how the sins of our parents/grandparents aren’t ours and how we’re responsible for our own lives and choices 👍👍 • Look, ok, it was 1993, but why do the robots have all that data on one computer with no backups? How do they get their very up-to-date information?? We just don’t know. • I’m actually very sad about the underground city shutting down?? I…don’t know what to do with this feeling, I did not come here to feel SAD, I am here for the ZOOCHBERRIES o Word has stopped putting red squigglies under “zoochberries,” incidentally • Ken does not get that good good closure with his dad, which is…idk? A nice twist on what you might normally get in a children’s book? Disappointing? Not sure. • “I know what a shock it must have been for you to realize that your grandfather was Emperor Palpatine. And the things I must do in the days ahead will surely shock you just as much.” hey what the fuck, Dad?? o Direct Action, I guess?? o And then there were no other books, womp womp • Ken is understandably v bummed about losing his home and droid family and a chance to connect with his dad, but Luke says that they must focus on the wedding! o Luke no o Luke let him be sad, you doughnut o At least Zeebo is ok! • Ok, but it is wedding time! o Mon Mothma is officiating, yaaaaassss o Chewie is best man!! o Artoo and Threepio get to be Best Droids, aw o Leia has a vision of their babbies, possibly twins o “…Leia wondered if she and Han could possibly handle twins.” who wants to tell her • Maybe you can just go on to the Thrawn trilogy from here?? Idk, I haven’t read those in 20 years either. • Apropos of nothing, I remember thinking as a child that Pierce Brosnan would make a good Trioculus, like in case you wanted to know that. • I’m guessing that Ken’s robo dad looks like a Transformer because Paul Davids used to write for Transformers. The more you know. • All human replica droids shoot frickin laser beams out of their frickin eyes, IT IS KNOWN And that’s it! There are no more of these, and I’m pretty sad about that, actually. These very silly books made for a nice nostalgic distraction in these Trying Times, and I’m glad I revisited them. 1/2/21 I'll be back with a review in a bit 👍