Reviews for Courtship And Constraint

The average rating for Courtship And Constraint based on 2 reviews is 4 stars.

Review # 1 was written on 2016-12-19 00:00:00 Bruce L Holt The Dictionary of Love is a collection of poetry snippets and commentary , arranged alphabetically according to the most appropriate love-word. It soon becomes obvious that the Victorians were far, far more willing than people nowadays to risk sounding sappy and sentimental; among other things, this book is a splendid source of schmaltz. But there's also some good stuff, and a lot of snippets that lead to interesting wholes elsewhere. The book is also a peek into the past, replete with sexist attitudes where men are simple creatures who make sense, while women are a mystery. Women, you see, are incapable of straightforward communication, so their every action could mean at least two contrary things. As the author comments in the entry for "Yes": "Alphonse Ricard says, 'In love, yes is a word that women never pronounce, because it frightens them; but, to the fault of their mouth, their eyes say yes, and it is those we interrogate. It is an article of faith among women to be guessed, which shirks all responsibility of pronouncing the world yes.' ... None but a novice will insist on wringing this word, delightful as it is, from bashful or unwilling lips. There are the eyes which, when questioned, never can refuse to answer - ask them." While I felt the whole book through that the author, for all his disclaimers, doesn't really like or trust women -- although he thinks men ought to -- the Appendix, where the author shares a brief correspondence between a man and a woman, the author pretty much can't comment on the female letter writer without subtly putting her down. After warning people not to risk publishing or responding to a Matrimonial Advertisement, he introduces his example, saying, "The gentleman, at least, it appears to us, writes in perfect good faith…. The lady it will be observed, perforce, takes the initiative." Some of the author's snarkiness may be invisible to modern readers, but women at the time, were not supposed to take the initiative in a romantic relationship. On the other hand, even back then, most would say it was the gentleman who took the initiative in this situation, by publishing a Matrimonial Advertisement. The lady is merely responding to him. And frankly, I would have been as wary of this man's first reply as she was. Just for starts, he claims he's flattered she said she'd marry him "should I prove worthy of you" -- problem is, she made no such declaration. Then the man claims he was, at one time, financially successful, but has lost it all, and hopes to "be supported by some small means towards establishing myself again," because he's sure he will prosper, since he's an excellent merchant and has a good standing in society. But if that's the truth, why should he need a wife with enough money to get him established? Good workers with good standing could usually establish themselves, without having to marry money. I don't know if that particular passage set the lady's Spideysense tingling, but it sure did mine! Also, I have recently read numerous snippets from letters between actual lovers of the time (in Karen Lystra's excellent Searching the Heart), and while the lady correspondent here occasionally reminds me of those true lovers, the man does not. After a few letters, the woman tries to tell the man of her difficult circumstances. When the man accuses her of "trifling with" his feelings, she finally points out that he is constantly expecting of her what he does not offer, and breaks things off. I can at least agree with the author when he observes, "Perhaps it was well that it ended thus; for it is exceedingly probably that one if not both would have had reason to regret, if the affair had been prosecuted further." But, if I'm not crazy about the author's attitudes toward women, once in a while he says something intelligent, and I do like a lot of the poetry he collected. The book is certainly an interesting glimpse into another time. And there's about as much poetry as there is commentary. I offer the entry on "Shy" as an example: SHY A shy lover is a lady who receives the professions of love neither with disapproval nor with approbation. She listens attentively and gladly, but still shrinks back with either real or affected alarm at the approach of her lover. Shyness is often a trick of experienced coquettes to impress the men with the idea that they are novices in the experiences of the heart. "Why, lovely charmer, tell me why, So very kind, and yet so shy? Why does that cold forbidding air Give damps of sorrow and despair? Or why that smile my soul subdue, And kindle up my flames anew? "In vain you strive, with all your art, By turn to fire and freeze my heart; When I behold a face so fair, So sweet a look, so soft an air, My ravish'd soul is charm'd all o'er, -- I cannot love thee less or more." Horace has the following verses on this subject: "Lisetta, why so wond'rous coy, When youth invites to pleasure? Think you that love's a lasting joy That one may taste at pleasure? "Consider better, I advise, The question I am stating; That beauty fades, occasion flies, While you're the point debating. "Thou wouldst be but provokingly coy, And seem to refuse me; With refusal enhance the sweet joy, And tempt me to snatch it from thee. "Then, oh! wouldst thou heighten the bliss, Thus ever, my Pancharis, fly me; Thus, let me snatch the sweet kiss, Thus ever resist and deny me." As with Lystra's book, one of the things I find interesting about this book is how seriously men of the time took poetry, and how willing they were to use it. Partly, of course, that is because people had fewer entertainments back then, and reading poetry was on a short list of affordable and easily accessed activities that would amuse multiple generations. But I do wonder if part of it is the fact that it was a more literate society than this, and that Alan Postman has a point about the literate mind versus the (I think he called it) visual one. This book was written in an era when people would listen to one political candidate give a three hour speech, take a lunch break, listen to another candidate rebut the first in a three hour speech, and then stick around to hear the first candidate address the second candidate's points for an hour or so. This is a lightweight book, for the times, but it was addressed to a people who could do some pretty heavy thinking.

Review # 2 was written on 2017-01-28 00:00:00 Larry Caplan I really enjoyed this read. Most of the material was so beneficial from a biblical approach and personal standpoint when it comes to marriage, unconditional love. I took a few notes from the book too. I also listened to the audiobook version with the book version from time to time. Adrienna Turner Author of God is in the Equation www.dream4more.org