Reviews for The courtship of Olivia Langdon and Mark Twain

The average rating for The courtship of Olivia Langdon and Mark Twain based on 2 reviews is 4 stars.

Review # 1 was written on 2008-01-24 00:00:00 Michael Dewees Thoroughly agree with the basic argument, which is that we can understand a culture much better by reading the letters and private correspondence of the time than by reading etiquette and self-help books and travelogues of the time. The downside, which I believe the author recognizes, is that the people who write letters, and the letters that end up preserved, may or may not represent common attitudes of the time. The author often points out that some of the people whose letters she quotes were not typical of the time, for this reason or that. I should maybe kick my rating up to five stars; it's four and a half at least. The book is well organized, with each chapter ending with a summary of the authors conclusions. The index looks good, although I haven't used it much, and I like that she has a "Victorian Advice Book" Bibliography. The footnotes are extensive and useful. And I almost think she deserves a star for not quoting Mabel Loomis Todd as a "typical example of a woman of the times whose attitudes will surprise you". I've seen a number of books on similar subjects quote Mabel and David Todd extensively, without sharing just exactly how peculiar the marriage of Mabel and David Todd really was. I get that Mabel and David are a great source of quotes, but typical or representative they were not, at least not on the subjects of marriage or sex or romances. Very readable, and I would certainly recommend this book as a first choice for anyone interested in nineteenth century attitudes on marriage, sex, and romance. Now and again she's intrigued by things I don't find equally interesting, or don't think are as important as she makes them out to be. But even when I disagree with her focus or conclusions, she makes valid points and provides resources for a deeper exploration.

Review # 2 was written on 2012-10-28 00:00:00 William Johnson Karen Lystra’s Searching the Heart: Women, Men and Romantic Love in Nineteenth Century America (1989), offers another analysis of this domestic revolution. Relying on Victorian love letters, she illustrates how white, middle-class Americans felt about love, calling attention to the significance of romantic love within a complex sexual culture. Lystra argues that the letters provide as genuine a record as possible of the feelings, behaviors, and judgments as they occurred in relations between the sexes. Her analysis ultimately reveals that Victorians were far less timid – and more talkative – about matters of the heart than previously thought, while recognition of women’s sexual appetites and belief in the mutuality of sexual expression both served as the foundation of romantic love. American middle-class youth began selecting their own partners by at least 1900, and by 1830, romantic love was becoming the necessary condition for marriage. Perhaps most significant for the history of gender, according to Lystra, is that the introduction of romantic love – and by extension, compassionate marriage – bridged a gap between women and men that gave each greater insight into the nature and experience of the opposite sex. Contrary to the image of misunderstanding and distance between nineteenth-century men and women, Lystra argues that both middle-class men and women shared romantic values that encouraged them to seek reciprocal understanding. “This effort was not a fictional artifact but a behavioral reality that had important consequences. In an age when middle-class women had limited economic power, romantic love – not sex – gave women some emotional power over men” (Lystra, p. 9). Lystra found that nineteenth-century middle-class Americans held an extremely high estimation of, almost reverence for, sexual expression as a symbol of love and personal sharing. According to her analysis, Victorian women gave no private indication that they believed in an idea of female passionlessness, despite purity’s central theme in public life. Many married women actually embraced their sexuality. “Many indicated that they accepted themselves as sexual beings…it is clear that they did not consider themselves freaks, deviants, or even strange for having sexual needs or expressing sexual interest to men in private” (Lystra, p. 58). Likewise, their husbands showed no shock, horror, or even mild displeasure at their wives sexual interest, but instead seemed pleased by private expressions of desire. The free expression of sexuality in romantic love, paired with declining birthrates that Lystra calls unprecedented and unmatched, means most couples must have separated sex from procreation. Yet, Lystra argues against the repressive hypothesis that abstinence was the Victorian choice of birth control, instead pointing to a number of other techniques, including diaphragms, condoms, the rhythm method, and coitus interruptus. Lystra illustrates the ways in which men cooperated in the family limitation process. In letters to his wife, Lincoln Clark inquired about her “lady conditions,” and appeared worried about the effectiveness of their birth control techniques. In subsequent letters, Lincoln also asked about his wife’s “special lady health,” and if she was in any “danger.” Albert and Violet Janin shared spirited correspondence about her reproductive health, with Violet expressing fear “because something was a few days late.” In another letter, she revealed that Albert was tracking her menstrual cycle himself as he “miscalculated a certain matter,” which ended up late, causing her anxiety. “Albert was not only an active and cooperative partner in the couple’s family limitation practices but also probably his wife’s chief source of birth control information” (Lystra, p. 83). Lystra attempts to refine the relationship between public advice and private behavior, but instead reiterates previous notions about the sexual complexity of the era. Turing to medical and moral advice books, she divides them into three camps to describe a spectrum of Victorian attitudes toward sexuality. Enthusiasts viewed sex as the key to health and happiness, and encouraged full expression. The moderates separated sex from reproduction and generally only approved of expression as an act of love. The restrictionists called for sexual limitations and restraint, urging that activity be limited to procreation. Despite their stance, all three recognized the sexual appetites of women and emphasized the mutuality of sexual expression, the cornerstones of romantic love. Whether they condemned it, defended it, or exalted it, Victorians talked incessantly about sex. “Any century which had a lively public debate over whether women should be allowed to ride bicycles, with opponents arguing against women cyclists because the seat might become a source of intense female sexual pleasure, is to say the least, erotically sensitized” (Lystra, p. 119).