Reviews for Weddings

The average rating for Weddings based on 2 reviews is 3 stars.

Review # 1 was written on 2012-04-17 00:00:00 Jeff Kuiper What a fantastic, useful book! This book is a collection of essays edited by Alex Chediak (whom you may be familiar with from Boundless) that tries to lay out the primary views of conservative evangelical Christians on romantic relationships. Each of the six authors is a generally respected teacher/author in this subject area and they are given a chance to explain their approach, the rationale behind it, and some of the ramifications of it. What makes this book so incredibly useful is how each section is laid out similarly, each author addresses several "unique" scenarios, and each approach has a simple two-page summary at the end. This allows the reader to really compare the different approaches in depth. At the end, Chediak does a general comparison of the methods that is also very, very useful, without passing judgement on which approach is better than the others. In fact, the whole book maintains a respectful, neutral tone that acknowledges the pros and cons of each relationship approach. Lauren Winner, who wrote the book Real Sex: The Naked Truth About Chastity that I read earlier this year, writes a compelling first section devoted to the idea that the real issue isn't dating vs. courtship, but living in a boldly countercultural way. As she puts it, "The central question is not, "Are we to date, to court, or to enter into arranged marriages?" but, "What is the central command of the Christian life, and how is to bear on social relations?". What I particularly appreciated about her section was that it was rooted in a realistic view of the situations most of my Christian peers are in today. As she suggests, "courtship…requires a robust, stable, institutionally strong community.…Some Christians in contemporary America do live in such thick communities, but most of us don't." In explaining her approach, she calls us to holiness, to living out the Christian life but also recognizes the very real situations we find ourselves in today. Next, Doug Wilson writes a section in defense of courtship, in the traditional, patriarchal sense most conservative Christians are familiar with. He is quick to point out some of the shortcomings of this approach ("more than once, I…have said that the courtship model means that we have six idiots involved instead of two.") but posits that the courtship model deals with the problems that arise in relationships more successfully than other models. He defines courtship as "the active, involved authority of the young woman's father in the formation of her romantic attachments leading to marriage." He goes onto write what is, in my opinion, one of the most balanced approaches to courtship I've come across. He focuses much attention on what is required of the father in these situations and on the potential problems and abuse that can arise with courtship. In dealing with the sample scenarios common to each section, Wilson deals with them realistically and positively. The third section is by Rick Holland and is titled "The Guided Path". Holland asserts that no one approach will work for everyone and what is necessary is a set of principles by which to navigate relationships successfully'whether they be courtship or dating. He then proceeds to lay out ten useful principles. These principles are useful, although they seem a bit formulaic. The editor warns that it can be easy to view these as a "checklist" with which to approach a relationship or a platform for legalism. Ultimately, this section seemed useful but didn't really present a different approach to relationships, only a set of tools to approach a relationship with. The fourth section, however, very definitely presents a very different approach to romance. Jonathan Lindvall writes a dogmatic yet superficial defense of betrothal as the only Biblical option for couples heading to marriage. He makes a case for this from Scripture and from anecdotal experience, but utterly fails to ground it in reality or demonstrate how it would realistically work for the sample couples in the scenarios. In the end, he comes off slightly crazy and his approach seems to be a pie-in-the-sky fantasy, not a really workable approach for most people. The fifth section is written by couple Jeramy Clark and Jerusha Clark who claim that "young adults who love the Lord and long to please Him can date in a healthy way." They provide some useful examples and, like Winner and Wilson, present an approach very grounded in reality and very useful for the contemporary single. This section proved to be another of my favorites and the principles they present can be used in any approach'particularly their use of the acronym "HOT" to describe what a couple should be looking for in each other: Holiness; Outrageous ("you must…determine whether or not you enjoy, delight in, and desire a person's companionship. You need to find someone you think is outrageous."); and Trustworthy. The book is finished off with two chapters by Chediak; one examines how the book works together as a whole and compares the different methods; the second (an appendix) takes a high-level look at the different methods. All told, this book rates a solid five stars for overall utility and for the depth and value of four of the five sections. Winner's, Wilson's, and the Clark's section are particularly worthwhile and deserve to be revisited regularly, regardless of what approach to romance you would take. For me, having tried several different approaches to relationships (from purposeful dating to rigid courtship) and experienced both heartbreak and healthy endings to relationships, I found this book useful as an overview of different approaches, an assurance that it is okay for me to date or to court, depending on the situation, and a review of useful principles. I did find this book to be light on two specific areas: First, it really doesn't deal with the realities and complexities of long-distance relationship. Nearly everyone of the authors points to the importance of community involvement in your relationship, but this becomes considerably more difficult over distances; as does traditional means of getting to know each other (dates or time spent in groups). My experience has been that long-distance relationships in particular put a couple at risk for getting prematurely emotionally intimate; this danger isn't touched on at all. The second shortcoming is that the book'and the sample scenarios'don't really address the situation of a young man who is ready for marriage but doesn't have immediate marriage prospects surrounding him. They do address the older single lady, but not the equally common situation of an older guy. Still, this book gets five stars and a well-deserved spot on my library shelf. Whether you are a single Christian or a parent/pastor/teacher/friend of one, get this book and read it.

Review # 2 was written on 2009-07-27 00:00:00 Andrea Newman I only read Doug Wilson's contribution. Very good summation of courtship! Some helpful explanations and of course, done in true Wilson-style wit.