Maxim # 86, February 2005

FEATURES
78 SWIMSUIT SPECIAL '05
THE GIRLS OF SURF
Introducing five athletic beauties who live to coast on gigantic waves whilst wearing only tiny pieces of fabric. And they're not opposed to romantic walks on the beach.
98 COVER GIRL
BROOKE BURNS
The former Baywatch babe is by far the best reason to watch North Shore. And the way she fills out a bikini is by far the best reason to turn to page 98. But she says cool stuff, too.
104 SPYMASTER
RED STAR
In excerpts from Spy Handler: Memoirs ofa KGB Officer, Victor Cherkashin, Russian badass, recounts how he recruited the CIA's Aldrich Ames and the FBI's Robert Hanssen, crippling America's intelligence network at the height of the Cold War. Ah, the good old days...
112 HOMICIDE TIME
RESIDENCE EVIL
Looking to make a killing in real estate? We've declared open house at 10 of the most notorious crime sites in history, including the properties that served up hapless victims for carnage-craving homebodies like Jeffrey Dahmer, Ed Gein, and John Wayne Gacy. Sold!
116 BREAKING AWAY
DEMOLITION MAN
Stressed? Haven't been hanging out with your friends lately? Find yourself watching lots of Dr. Phil? Could be you're in an unhappy relationship and too spineless to do anything about it. Until now...
120 WE WANT ANSWERS!
BRUCE WILLIS
The thinking man's action hero and Hostage star gives us the lowdown on his new, movie, balding gracefully, and what's up with Die Hard 4.0.
REGULARS
12 READERS' LETTERS
WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?
Your desperate attempts to emerge from obscurity—and our ham-fisted efforts to punish you for it.
18 THE FUNNIES
LAUGH, STUPID!
The late-nighters dis Dubya while that 7UP guy makes us giggle. Also, jokes from—gasp—actual readers.
20 CIRCUS MAXIMUS
LILIANA SANTOS
This month we check in with a lingerie-loving Portuguese soap star. Plus, the new wave of modern technology is upon us—and that means a bed that goes 69 mph,a truly universal TV remote, and an iPod with eggbeater, Taser, and CD player attachments.You must see to believe!
37 HOW TO
GET REVENGE!
One-up your worst enemies, then crush a can on your skull and grab a power nap as your dog sings to you. Really.
44 IN THE BEDROOM
SECRET DRAWER
A real nice girl empties her underwear drawer to show us her panties, videotapes, and lotion. Mmm, lotion.
46 CARS
LIFE IN THE SLOW LANE
Maxim checks into RV-ville at Phoenix International Raceway for a weekend of heavy drinking. Oh, yeah, and there were some NASCAR races going on, too.
52 SPORTS
QUEEN OF THE HILL
Meet our new columnist, Diane Hill, who's as comfortable in your fantasy league as she is in your fantasies. Yowza!
56 CELEBRITY ADVISER
BERNARD HOPKINS
The champ KO your questions. You know, like how to dress for a job interview, deal with a smell roommate, and tell if your girl is cheating by"the tightness."
58 HOT ZONE
KEANU WORLD ORDER
In which Mr. Reeves heads up Constantine, a dark, futuristic thriller that's totally unlike The Matrix. Plus, Beck's new album and Mimi Rogers' old boobies.
76 INSTANT EXPERT
SHOCK VALUE
Did Bush go to war for oil? We have no clue, but our energy exposé does explore whether to buy a hybrid, why wind power blows, and the sad tale of an electrocuted circus elephant. Sniff.
123 TOP GEAR
NET WORTHY
We have the cure for a lost hockey season and a shot of a guy wrestling dwarves. Check it out!
131 MAXIM FASHION
SCENE STEALER
Rule the red carpet with this A-list look. Now no one will mistake you for a valet!
148 ASK US ANYTHING
WHY DO BASKETBALLS HAVE LINES?
That and some other really important questions answered.