Maxim # 72 - December 2003

FEATURES
108 WE WANT ANSWERS!
HUGO WEAVING
As Agent Smith in The Matrix and Elrond in Return of the King, Hugo Weaving will rule geek conventions for years to come. But is he good or evil?
110 COVER GIRL
SHANNON ELIZABETH
She gave dorks hope as a horny foreign exchange student in American Pie. Now her moans turn to shrieks in the upcoming horror flick Cursed.
120 SELF HELP
IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE
So another year has passed and you're still living over your parents' garage? Take our quiz and find out if your life is a steaming pile of donkey chocolate...or not.
122 YOU'VE GOT MAIL
CARDS OF THE STARS
Celebs write cheesy holiday cards—just like us! Ashton submits his wish list to Demi, Kobe tries to patch things up with Vanessa, and some stupid ones, too!
128 SPACE INVADER
TRICIA HELFER
In sci-fi's Battlestar Galactica miniseries,Tricia plays a seductive alien robot who tricks a man into divulging military secrets that jeopardize Earth. And women wonder why we keep our distance emotionally.
138 PULP FICTION
BRAIN CANDY
Best-selling authors give us a juicy sneak peak at their latest thrillers. Plus: Richard Grant introduces us to the open road and every trucke cowboy, and hooker he met along the way.
166 JUST THE FACTS
EVA LONGORIA
Finally, a reason to watch another cop show. The Latina beauty and Texas native joins the cast of ABC's L.A. Dragnet. She can...damn! All outta night-stick jokes.
REGULARS
28 READERS' LETTERS
This month lady readers wrote us about giving head and talking dirty.This sentence, however, is superfluous.
34 JOKES
Your mama's so fat they gave her the group discount at Denny's.OK, your turn.
38 CIRCUS MAXIMUS
Strip Bingo, midget bartenders, talking dogs, and flying Austrians. Naked Olsen twins pics? Maybe.
42 PLANET MAXIM
SOFIA RAAFAT
Sofia tried to escape the U.K., but the limey dogs caught her in this giant net. Well done, mates. We'd untie her, but we can't stand up right now....
60 HOW TO
Got a girl? Learn to argue! Got an enemy? Make a voodoo doll! Jewish? Santa-proof your home!
68 SAYS HER
'TIS THE SEASON
If the holidays are all about charity, why ain't you getting any nookie? Real girls reveal five ways to take carnal advantage of the spirit of giving.
74 SPORTS
APPETITE FOR DESTRUCTION
Competitive eating: all gimmick or athletic glory? Our writer heads to Nathan's annual hot dog vomitorium to find out.
80 INSTANT EXPERT
KNEEL, EARTHLINGS!
We've got the official word on crop circles, alien abductions, UFOs, and Andy Rooney's eyebrow!
82 BACHELOR PARTY BIBLE
BOOK 4: NEW YORK CITY
Engaged? We can't help you, man. But we can run your ass ragged through the city that never sleeps.
90 HOT ZONE
The king returns in the LOTR finale, and Tony Hawk goes Underground.
96 HAVE YOU SEEN THESE GIRLS?
TARA AND CHARLA
They entered the Paradise Hotel and walked out $375,000 richer. As if you needed another reason
177 MAXIM FASHION
The weather outside is frightful, but that's no reason to dress like a slob. Check out winter's best coats.
200 BAR EXAM
Executive editor James Heidenry has visions of sugarplums dancing in his head.
CHRISTMAS SPECIAL
148 ANNUAL GIFT GUIDE
KRIS KRINGLE'S CRIB
Where does Santa hide all the good stuff? We crashed Claus' tricked out pad and found out who the real P.I.M.P. is.