Swank # 81, January 2004

6 Rachael
Quite an opening, er, opener!
14 Letters
A little over 1,400 words of filth!
16 Tawny & Rick
How deep can he go?
24 Naked News
Tits, pussy, and the weather!
28 Monica
Three holes at the ready!
36 Eat 'Em & Weep
The fine art of food poisoning!
40 Bella & Lonnie (Covergirls)
Two terrific twats!
50 Tales of the Unexplained: Nuclear Spawn
Things that should not be!
53 Phoenix
Spread those legs!
60 Jizz Bizz
Fat gangbangs and more!
64 Avery
I see something pink!
72 Stuff
What more could you want?
74 Teen of the Month: Christine
Hot blonde gets down and dirty!
80 How To: Sperm Donor
Get paid for dropping a batch!
83 Lily Ann
Fresh as a flower!
92 Horny Devils
Dick jokes and pussy punchlines!
94 FliXXX
Hardcore smut reviewed for your pleasure!
164 Anarchy Twins: Sasha & Misha
New name, same sinful advice!
170 Teen's First Time: Davina & Clark
Sweet teen's first time!

Editorial Note
Alright, I want to try something this month. I want to see if anyone reads this page, and there's only one way to find out. So, the first three people who respond to this paragraph right here, will get a prize—a pat on the back from yourself! That's right, send me a letter with your name, address, age, and a one sentence reason why you love to read my monthly written crapfest and then pat yourself on the back and say, "Good job, (your name here)!"
And, after you send that letter, you gotta check out the amazing girls of Swank! Dig Rachael, Monica, Bella and Lonnie! Worth every penny, right? What about Phoenix, Avery, and Tawny? These chicks are definitely into the spirit of things, huh? And take a look at Christine, Lily Ann, and Davina! Talk about the "feel-good hit of the year!"
Here's one thing that doesn't feel good: losing your lunch! The of Technicolor yawn. Screaming at the sidewalk, ralphing, yacking, wretching, etc. But, if you're unlucky enough to contract any one of the 10 "best" ways to get food poisoning, it's guaranteed you're going to be in rough shape! Read through, memorize, and prepare to stop eating altogether, after you check out "Eat 'Em And Weep!"
And, if you can't enjoy eating, after you check out Unexplained's "Nuclear Fauna: Will Mutants Rule The Earth?" you're gonna want to stay indoors for the rest of your life! Things are changing, and probably not for the better. One day, man's best friend may have six eyes and a few flippers! Creepy!
Well, cheer up, 'cause once you calm down you may as well treat yourself to a little of How To's "Orgasm Therapy!" Forget going blind and hairy palms and all that crap! Why not have a good cum—you'll feel better! It's all proven, which validates my theory—Swank is good for you!
We've got all this, plus the wit and wisdom of the Sin Twins, the industry notebook that is Jizz Bizz, laugh-'til-you-hurl jokes in Horny Devils, the hottest newscast ever in Naked News and waay more! Enjoy, you freaky back-patters!
—The Editors