National Lampoon December 1988

6 Editorial
10 Letters from the Editors
10 Those Amazing Insect Athletes!
By Michael Jann
Illustrated by Adam Kubert
14 Gilbert Gottfried Presents: Seven Jokes (Give or Take One or Two) That You Must Never Tell When You Open for Belinda Carlisle (But I Did!)
16 Zen Bastard
By Paul Krassner
18 True Facts
Edited by John Bendel
25 Yellow Journal
34 Great Moments in History: Abraham Lincoln Delivers His Gettysburg Address in Pig Latin
By Louis Phillips
35 National Lampoon's Yello Pages
By Gerry Sussman
45 The Great Playboy Wars
By Larry Sloman
Photographed by John Duke Kisch
50 The McDonnell Douglas Military Aircraft Warranty Card
By Steven Young
52 Bye-bye, Bozo
By Rick Meyerowitz
57 Remembering Reagan's Best Years (Somebody Has To)
By Will Durst
59 1988 Presidential Study on the Sexuality of America's Homeless
By Dave Hanson
62 Christmas Fear
By Gahan Wilson
66 The Lonesome Boys' Ranch
By Richard Boler
Illustrated by Tom Tucker
70 Live from the Rubber Room! Emo Philips in "A Day at the Park"
Photographed by Chris Howland
72 Soul on Ice!: The Untold Story of the Negro Hockey League
By Tony Kisch
77 The Bonfire of the Banalities
By Lance Contrucci
81 Evil Clown Comics: Hollywood Producer
By Nick Bakay
Illustrated by Alan Kupperberg
89 Hashbury Park
By Gerard Jones
Illustrated by David Zung
96 Funny Pages
By Buddy Nickerson and Mike Stanfill
M. Marek
Torn Hachtman
M. K. Brown
Rodrigues
Shary Flenniken
114 The Personals
By Dave Hanson