Maxim # 96, December 2005, Alternate Cover

FEATURES
106 INSTANT EXPERT
LIGHTNING
Get yourself the complete lowdown on thunder's totally badass pal.
108 GREAT SCOTT!
APRIL SCOTT
You can see her in Mission Impossible 3 and then see a whole lot more of her in The Name of the Game (she plays a student exploring London's underground sex clubs). Go, film!
118 LET'S PARTY
THE 10 BEST PARTIES IN THE WORLD
Shockingly, cousin Jimmy Ray's 4th of July BBQ-and-Everclear blowout somehow failed to make the cut. (Again.)
126 GUY QUIZ
GUYS GONE MILD
Find out if you're half the man your father was.Or if you're a third of the man your mother's going to be after the operation.
130 NAKEDTRUTH
LAYLA KAYLEIGH
In a new low for Democrats— and Lord knows they've had enough of those already—she was bolted from Al Gore's Current TV network for posing for us. (Sorry 'bout that, Layla.) Discover why politics can be a beautiful thing.
138 SHORT STORIES
LIVIN' LARGE
Just because you're a mini-man doesn't mean you can't rock out (Angus Young), win races (Jeff Gordon), or school Daniel-san in the deadly arts. (Great work again, Pat Morita.)
142 BAD MEDICINE
DOCTOR EVIL
He's linked to dozens of fatalities... and the scary part is he wasn't even trying to hurt those people. Get to know the world's worst surgeon.
148 CINDY CRAWFORD
STILL CINDY
Somehow getting married, being a mother, and doing tons of charity work only made her hotter. Get reacquainted with the woman who's won the hearts of men from Prince William to Prince. Now that's range.
156 WE WANT ANSWERS!
USHER
The ruler of R&B and star of In the Mix sounds off on ex-girlfriend Chilli, the horrors of Hurricane Katrina, the perks of living with Diddy, and the joys of working with Mom. Aww...
REGULARS
28 READERS' LETTERS
WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?
And when you're done writing to us, send a note to Judd Nelson. He's lonely.
34 THE FUNNIES
LAUGH, STUPID!
John Heffron reveals why men will not listen to women unless they say those three magical words: "I'm so drunk."
36 CIRCUS MAXIMUS
BUTTER FACES
Discover the baker offering a vegetarian alternative to cannibalism, play with R. Kelly action figures, and close out the day by putting a cheerleader to bed.
60 HOW TO
SCHOOL YOUR FRIENDS
Once bailer Luis "Trikz" Da Silva teaches you about hardwood humiliation, learn to treat the broken bones your enraged buddies will give you.
70 BODY SHOP
TIRES AND ICE
What would you do for diamonds? If you're a trucker in Canada's 30-below-zero Northwest Territories, you have to risk death on every supply run.
80 GETTING SMASHED
LIVING ON THE WEDGE
You know when the kick returner takes it all the way back for a touchdown and the crowd goes wild and you see it replayed over and over on every sports highlight show? Meet the NFL players who sacrifice their health to prevent that from happening.
86 CELEBRITY ADVISER
TY PENNINGTON
Extreme Makeover: Home Edition's master handyman helps you work up the courage to confront your cheating dad. Get ready to have yourself one seriously uncomfortable Father's Day.
90 HOT ZONE
HAVE YOU SEEN THIS GIRL?
Today Naureen Zaim handles explosives on Sci Fi's Master Blasters, but she used to be just a shy girl with a thing for pool hustling. Meanwhile, the Empire State Building braces itself for a visit from King Kong, and the rest of America gets set for the new album from those country kingpins Big & Rich.
160 STEP RIGHT UP!
HOLIDAY GIFT GUIDE
Use these presents to bring holiday cheer to your woman, parents, and coworkers.Then you can resume being your usual bastard self.
175 MAXIM STYLE
WEAR WINTER
Keep your footsies warm with shoes from Gwen Stefani, then learn some fashion from that stylin'toon band Gorillaz.
196 ASK US ANYTHING
HOW MUCH MONEY DO PORN STARS MAKE?
Let's just say they earn enough to keep their children fed, their homes tidy, and their sex toys plentiful.