Club International UK Vol. 21 # 7

5 Emma
12 Kim
21 Diana
33 Lucy
43 Jasmine
54 Shanine
92 Joanne

EDITORIAL NOTE
I've decided to slow down for a while. Three months of rolling into the flat at four o'clock in the morning, dead drunk and with a squealing bimbo on each arm, started to piss the girlfriend off a little, you understand. I realised this when two seven-foot guys wandered into the Duke of Wellington at half past six last Thursday night and said wasn't it time that I went home, or did I want them to send my other half an apology signed in my own blood? Friends of hers, apparently. Very nice blokes, too, they let me keep my kneecaps and everything.
Still, it's good drinking a bit less — I've stopped seeing green, red and blue striped snakes crawling across the ceiling for a start. Spending time at home is nice as well: I've been catching up on all those simple domestic pursuits, like Wondering why everyone on Brookside is so fucking miserable and swearing at Anne Robinson whenever she crops up on Points of View.
I've done a bit of photography as well — it's not up to the high standard of such maestro lensmen as Scott Evans and Jack I'm Forever Blowing Bubbles Out Of My Ears, Me' Harrison, of course, but reasonably stimulating nonetheless. I'm especially proud of the one showing the girlfriend, the three Siamese cats, two pairs of handcuffs and a varied selection of soft fruit. Unfortunately Club's legal supremo Bazza Brief says I can't print any of the photographs in the magazine, though he has taken the whole lot home for further consideration. I wonder why...
However, this insatiable drive to 'spend more time with the family' also means that I am the only person in the palatial Club HQ not to have seen Basic Instinct, which is a pity, because after spending a short hour or two inspecting Ms Stone's mouthwatering boobs (see page 40) I quite fancied it. Never mind, eh: Jasmine (page 43) has promised to act out a couple of the most crucial scenes from the movie for me in the privacy of the projector room. See you all next month... The Editor.