A Rainbow to Heaven Book

Oh, man. This one was rough. I'm pretty sure I have read and liked her stuff in the past but after this one it's hard to see why.

Admittedly, I don't like medieval romances as a rule'I didn't even like "For My Lady's Heart" by Laura Kinsale, and people have puppies over that one. Everyone has the things they like in books and this time period isn't one of my favorites. So I was a bit disposed to dislike this from page 1.

Basic Premise: Amber the Untouched is cursed. When she touches people, she is able to read their truthiness. She can't touch anyone without pain, either, because people are mean and mean thoughts hurt.

Duncan is a man with no past'he's found naked in a sacred grove, and he has no idea who he is or how he got there. So of course the first thing the lord of the manor does is bring this huge naked man to Amber so she can take care of him in her little isolated hut. Because, of course, she's untouched. While this is clearly a major plot point, it is also a giant plot sinkhole that cannot be overcome.

Duncan turns out to be the only person Amber can touch without pain'in fact, it feels superfragilistically awesome.

I normally don't feel the need to give a heroine a smackdown until I've read at least a quarter of the book -but not Amber. I was ready for smackdown on page one, when she "gasps" because naked Duncan is wearing an amber pendant. Just like her name. Amber. Oh my god, it must be fate. There's just no getting around it, he's special. And not in the way that most guys who run around a field naked are "special".

But what really put me over the top on this one was the atrociously purple prose.

For example, when Duncan is trying to touch Amber's "ehem"(which by the way, restores his memory): "I won't force you," Duncan said in a low voice, "but I shall die if I can't at least touch you. Open your warm keep to me. I shall be a most gentle guest."

Oh yeah, Rico Suave. Good Lord.

And then, later on, Amber reciprocates with supremely awful dialogue: "I can feel your hunger gathering like a storm….I can't feel the sword emerging from it's sheath" (clearly, she's not standing close enough) "but I can sense you feeling your own maleness sweep through you…and I can feel my own body crying out to know the sweet stabbing of the sword within the sheath."

Duncan replies: "No more…"

Oh, I totally agree. I gave up on page 258, feeling like if I went any further I was risking irreparable brain damage.