How to Talk to Anyone, Anytime, Anywhere: The Secrets of Good Communication Book

KNOWLEDGE I GAINED FROM THIS BOOK:
• Most of us have the fear of saying the wrong thing while speaking and so avoid talking overall. This fear is described beautifully in this quote, "It is better to remain silent and be presumed a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."
• The basics of successful conversation:
â—‹ Honesty
â—‹ The right attitude
§ The will to talk even when it might be uncomfortable.
§ The will to improve your talking ability and the will to work hard at it.
â—‹ Interest in the other person
â—‹ Openness about yourself
§ The golden rule - Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
§ You should be willing to reveal the kind of information that you would ask of another person.
• People you're talking to will enjoy the conversation more if they see you are presenting yourself as someone who is enjoying it.
• It will help you to overcome shyness when talking to strangers if you remember that the person you're talking to is probably just as shy as you are.
• Breaking the ice with someone you are talking for the first time: get them on comfortable ground. Ask them about themselves. That will give you something to talk about and also people love to be talked to about themselves.
• It is the thing that are closest to a person that make them open up the most.
• Remember that the people you are talking to are more interested in themselves and their wants and problems than they are in you and your problems.
• If you're at a party in someone's home, or an office, there are likely to be furnishings or mementos that your hosts will cheerfully talk about.
• Avoid yes/no questions. One tip is to ask questions using "what do you think?"
• LISTEN! Careful listening makes you better able to respond. Good follow-up questions are the mark of a good conversationalist.
• You can lean slightly forward toward the person you are speaking to, to emphasize that you are focusing on them.
• You don't need to stare continuously in the other person's eyes. Many find that uncomfortable. Maintain eye contact when your conversation partner is talking and when you are asking a question. If you're speaking, you can take your eyes off your partner occasionally. However, don't stare off into space. And if you're at a party, don't let your eyes wander over your partner's shoulder as if you're looking for someone more important to talk to.
• Stay informed and Stay current! This will help a lot because you have to relate what you're talking about to the interests of the person you're talking to. Today, the key word in being successful in your social conversation is RELEVENCE.
• In cocktail parties, look for someone to have a one-on-one conversation with. Or else, join others in conversations already under way that sound interesting. If the other person is not interested in the subjects that interest you, excuse yourself politely. Then move on. There's bound to be someone else in the room who's more fun for you to talk to. One trick is not to get caught in the same place for a long period of time.
• WHY!!! It is the greatest question to ask and it is the surest way of keeping a conversation lively and interesting.
• Good Exit lines:
â—‹ "This food is delicious. I'm going to go help myself to seconds."
â—‹ "Would you excuse me? I'm going to go say hello to our host." (or to a friend)
â—‹ "Well, I guess I'd better go and mingle some more."
â—‹ It is important not to make too much of your exit. Don't spend the minute beforehand glancing around the room desperately or be too apologetic. Just wait for a slight pause, say something polite, and move on as if it's a natural thing to do. Simply saying "It was nice talking to you" and turning away can be graceful enough, as long as you sound as though you actually did enjoy the conversation.
• If you are leading a conversation:
â—‹ choose a topic that will involve everybody.
â—‹ Solicit opinions: Don't just offer your opinions. You'll be remembered as a better conversationalist if you ask the opinions of others around you. (What do you think?)
â—‹ Help the shyest person in the group.
â—‹ Don't monopolize the conversation: Keep your own stories brief! The other extreme is just as bad - being so short on words that people think either you're not bright enough to say much or you're an unfriendly person.
â—‹ WHAT IF questions are a can't miss way of starting a conversation in a social setting or picking it up during a lull.
â—‹ Allow people to sit close together. If you're having four people for dinner, don't use your grandmother's gigantic table that seats twelve. Lol
• At funerals, comments such as, "This is such a tragedy" or "It's a terrible loss" imply that the level of their grief is yours to gauge, which it's not. One thing you can do is share a favorite memory of yours involving the deceased.
• Celebrities enjoy normal conversations. Approach them not as famous people but just as people who have the same likes, dislikes and feelings like the rest of us. If you happen to know about the celebrity's extracurricular interest, you might find they will speak to you about it much more freely than they would about their professional life.
• Most successful people are successful talkers.
• Never stay too serious too long.
• HUMOR:
â—‹ Professional comedians know that timing is everything, and bringing everything to a halt so that you can tell your joke is bad timing. Even if you heard a hilarious joke at the office, don't interrupt a conversation in progress just so you can tell it.
â—‹ Never introduce humor with any of these lines:
§ "Let me tell you a little joke."
§ "A funny thing happened to me on my way here today."
§ "Here's a good joke. You're going to love it. It's really funny."
§ "This reminds me of a little joke."
• NOTHING WORDS:
â—‹ Words and noises that add nothing to what we are trying to say. Acts as oral crutches.
â—‹ Example: you know, basically, hopefully, whatever, like, uh and um.
â—‹ Hopefully doesn't mean I hope; when you say, "Hopefully, the meeting will be held Thursday," you're really saying the meeting will be held Thursday in an atmosphere of hope.
â—‹ Leave the nothing words out of your conversations.
• If you are worried about political correctness, if what you are going to say seems safe, then go along.
• Business basics:
â—‹ Time is money so don't waste the time of the people you are talking to. Don't talk about the last night's ball game until the end of your one-on-one lunch and then try to cram the real purpose of the meeting into a hurried 5 minute discussion. And don't try to be the life of the meeting with a long monologue when everybody else is anxious to get down to business.
â—‹ Know what you're talking about, and be prepared. Remember also what the other person wants and needs to know.
• Art of Selling:
â—‹ Two rules of sales: Know what you're selling; and once you've closed the deal - don't keep selling.
â—‹ Sell the advantage of the product, not the features of the product. Example: Don't talk about the premiums and payouts of the insurance policy. Talk about the security your client will feel and about the gratitude of his or her spouse and children in knowing that the cornerstone of their financial future is in place.
â—‹ Selling yourself:
§ Show prospective employers what you can do for them.
â–¡ What do you bring that's unique.
â–¡ Don't tell the person interviewing you what's on your resume, which they've already read. Tell them instead how you are going to do this job better than anyone else will.
§ Maintain an open attitude.
â–¡ Don't be so businesslike demeanor that you stifle your openness.
§ Be prepared.
§ Ask questions.
â–¡ Ask intelligent questions; this will show that you are prepared and you care.
â–¡ Don't make it appear that you're more interested in your own clever questions than you are in hearing and reacting to the responses.
• Approach your boss in an open manner using the two word "Help me."
• Tips from getting information from famous people: If what you need from someone is simple information, talk to that person's assistant first. The assistance can often pull a file or make an appointment quicker than the boss. Why leave a message for the boss to call you back when you are asking questions that the boss can refer to the assistant? Asking the assistant saves all three of you some time and gets you the information earlier in your day.
• In a meeting, if you're not involved in a topic under discussion, avoid the temptation to jump into the conversation just for the sake of being noticed. It's much better to have a reputation as someone who talks only when it counts than to be known as someone who has to put in his two cents' worth on every subject.
• When you are running a meeting:
â—‹ Start on time.
â—‹ Be decisive.
§ You've established what the issues are. The last two questions for each item are: What action is to be taken, and who's going to do it? If you leave this vague, there was no point in having the meeting in the first place.
â—‹ Be firm.
§ Don't let others waste time or try to score points on each other. Just say, "Sorry, Pete - we have to move on to the next item." There is no reason for you to be afraid of seeming bossy.
• Ways of getting out of answering a question:
â—‹ "It would be premature for me to answer that question now."
â—‹ "I'm not able to answer that question because I haven't seen the report yet."
â—‹ "The incident has become the subject of a court case, so I can't comment on it."
• One bad answer for news interview is "No comment." It might imply you are guilty.
• Know your audience!