Salmonella Men on Planet Porno Book

If you like stories that are slightly off-centre, quirky but coherent, interesting and humourous then you'll like this. This is how the first story begins:

The Dabba Dabba Tree

My father came up from the country carrying a curiously shaped bonsai tree.
"This here's a Dabba Dabba Tree," he announced, showing it to me and my wife. "It's a special kind of cedar, see."

"My, what an odd-looking thing," said my wife, examining it with a look of puzzlement.
The tree was about eight inches tall. It was thicker at the base but tapered off towards the top, where the foliage was more sparse. Standing upright, the trunk formed a perfect cone.

"Yes, and what an odd name," I added, watching my father's expression. Perhaps it would shed some light on his reason for bringing the tree.

"Well, it's not just the name that's odd," he said, narrowing his eyes. "If you put this Dabba Dabba Tree in your bedroom at night, you'll have fruity dreams till morning comes!"

"Gosh! I wonder what he means," said my wife.
I whispered in her ear. "Erotic dreams, of course."
"Oh!" she exclaimed, blushing.

My father gave her a lewd look and continued. "You've been married five years but still ain't had kids. That's why I brought you the tree. Put it in your bedroom tonight - you're sure to have some cracking dreams. Go on, have it! It's no good for an old codger like me! Kekekekekeh!" he chuckled like some weird bird, before setting off back to the country

That night, we took the Dabba Dabba Tree into our bedroom and placed it at the foot of our double bed. Yes, we were still using a double bed even after five years of marriage. Well, our bedroom was rather small. There wasn't enough room for two beds.
"Goodnight, then."
"Yes, goodnight."

We dived under the sheets, excitedly turned our backs on each other, and concentrated on getting to sleep. At times like this, you want to be the first to drop off. Otherwise, the sound of your partner's breathing gets on your nerves and keeps you awake. So much the worse if you know she's having an erotic dream. And worse still if she starts talking in her sleep. Luckily, I nodded off immediately. And I started dreaming. I dreamt I was in my bedroom, sleeping in my double bed with my wife.
"Yes! A dream!"

I sat up. My wife was slumbering peacefully next to me, completely naked. She can't sleep any other way. I turned my head in puzzlement.
"Great. What's erotic about that?!"

If I made love to her after all this time, there wouldn't be anything erotic about it at all. It would just be dull old reality whether she was naked or not.

"Well, if this is an erotic dream, I'd better do something erotic!"

I got out of bed and put my shirt and trousers on. Then I slipped on some sandals and went outside. To find a woman worthy of sharing my erotic dream, I'd have to go to the nightlife district. I walked along a dark side-road, then turned into a major thoroughfare. The street shone as bright as day, thanks to the bars and restaurants on either side. There were people everywhere.

"Where are all the tasty women then?" I grumbled. I was feeling rather tired after walking two or three blocks. Having an erotic dream clearly demanded a certain amount of perseverance.....................