Mirth of a Nation: The Best Contemporary Humor Book

	Introduction	1
	"You'll Never Groom Dogs in This Town Again!"	9
	Cafe Manhattan	27
	The Young Man and the Sea	30
	How to Be Difficult	36
	The Yanni Files	43
	A Prayer for Bill Clinton	46
	Independence Day	49
	Parlez-Vous Francais?	53
	An Aesthetically Challenged American in Paris (Part II)	56
	You Could Look Me Up ... Sometime	62
	I Go to Golf School	70
	A Graceland for Adolf	83
	Upcoming House Votes	86
	Let's Hear It for Cheerleaders	89
	Lapses of Photographic Memories	93
	A Year-Round Tan for the Asking	96
	The Bane of Every Vacation: Souvenirs	99
	Memo from Coach	105
	As I Was Saying to Henry Kissinger...	108
	Away from It All	118
	Give One for the Team	121
	God, Help Me!	125
	Autumn of the Matriarch	128
	Future Schlock	137
	What We Told the Kids	146
	Un Caballo in Maschera	148
	The Midwest: Where Is It?	154
	Come Stay with Us	158
	Desert Surprise: Saddam Picks Bill	162
	Return Saddam's Limo ... Now!	165
	Laws Concerning Food and Drink; Household Principles; Lamentations of the Father	170
	Flowers of Evil: Ask Charles Baudelaire	175
	Authors with the Most	178
	Long Day's Journey into Abs	181
	Yankee, Come Home	185
	A Good Man Is Hard to Keep: The Correspondence of Flannery O'Connor and S. J. Perelman	191
	Testing, Testing...	197
	The Cheese Stands Alone	201
	Post-Euphoria	204
	Why Are Kids So Dumb?	213
	Clarifications	218
	What We talk About When We Talk About Little Green Men	223
	Design Intervention	225
	Too Late to Become a Gondolier?	232
	Me and My Delusions	236
	Eating the Desk	239
	Into the Giga Jungle	242
	The Hidden Life of Rocks	248
	Degas, C'est Moi	252
	You Say Tomato, I Say Tomorrow	256
	Chicken a la Descartes	261
	Even More Memoirs by Even More McCourts	265
	Love Bug	269
	More Mergers	272
	Rejected Polls	275
	Josh Kornbluth
	Driving Mr. Crazy	280
	Red Diaper Baby	286
	Money	298
	Trout	314
	Jumpin' Jiminy	318
	Space Travel Food	321
	Piscopo Agonistes	325
	The Way of the Ear	338
	Eleventh-Hour Bride	343
	I Network with Angels	347
	Phone Hex	353
	Birthdays: So Now What?	356
	Things That Are Confusing	364
	How and Why Book of Magnets	368
	Joyce Maynard Looking Back	375
	Bad Numbers	380
	Sunken Treasure	384
	One Guy's TV	387
	After This Word from Motel 3	392
	O.J.: The Trial of the Next Century	395
	Scrambling for Dollars	401
	Gambling in the Schools	405
	Diary of a Genius	410
	TV Guide, Soon	414
	My Genetic Memories	426
	The Last Publicist on Earth	429
	Memoir Essay	436
	March	441
	No Strings Attached	460
	Ferret-Face	463
	Barnes Ennobled	468
	T.G.I.Y2K!	472
	All Happy Families...	479
	Christmas Freud	483
	El Nino Has a Headache	491
	In New England Everyone Calls you Dave	495
	The Million Millionaires March	502
	Wing Tsu	505
	T. S. Eliot Interactive	509
	Buy Me	513
	Rejected Celebrity Cab Announcements	517
	Conspir-U.S.-cy History	521
	Dysfunctional Adult Education Catalogue	524
	The All-Purpose Concession Speech	534
	Front Row Center with Thaddeus Bristol	539
	Humor Thy Father	544
	Khmer Roue	547
	Taking the A Train to Early Retirement	550
	A Few Notes on Sex Education	555
	The Last Supper, or The Dead Waiter	561
	Pen Pals	567
	I Am a Tip-Top Starlet	578
	To Our Valued Customers	581
	Getting Over Getting Stoned	584
	Manifesto	587
	Glad Rags	590
	From: Corporate Communications at CRT301	593
	A Note About the Editor	597
	A Note About the Type	599
	Index	601
	About the Contributors	605