Gator A-Go-Go (Serge Storms Series #12) Book

The detective stared across the marsh. "What kind of monster is out there?"

Aw, it's not a monster at all. It's just Serge Storms, and unless you're a tourist-robber, the sleazy producer of Girls Gone Haywire videos, or a fat-cat oil executive, you've got nothing to worry about. He probably won't kill you.

It's Spring Break in Florida, and the place is swarming with drunken college students. Coleman, who's been on spring break since 1977, is in his milieu, and is being treated as a God by the intoxicated masses. Believe me, it was standing room only for his class on the proper way to inject vodka into an orange.

There was a plot, I think. Something about a drug ring needing to tie up some loose ends that brings everything to a head in the Sunshine State, and places everybody right in Serge's line of fire. Let's face it - at this point in the game, a plot isn't even necessary. All that matters is the antics of Serge, and his wobbly straight man, Coleman. Here they are discussing MTV:

"You mean that channel that doesn't play music?"

"That's the one," said Serge. "MTV has become the pork and beans of television."

"What do you mean?"

"You buy a can of pork and beans, getting all excited about upcoming pork, and then you open the can and go, 'What the fuck?' So you poke around and the only thing you find is a single, nasty-ass slime cube from a liposuction clinic. I wouldn't even mind that if they'd just be straight and call it what it is on the label."

"Who would buy 'nasty-ass slime cube and beans?"

"Me," said Serge. "Just to taste the truth."

And, note to self - this is the book where Serge explains his religion:

"All questions, all the time! And as the lack of answers mounts, the infiniteness of the Almighty swells my soul. People who claim to know his every last thought in order to bully others are just short-changing his omnipotence. Like politicians who say, 'Pay no attention to our performance on the economy. Look! Over there! Gay people are trying to get married!'"

This is also the book that features Serge's commencement address . . . to a kindergarten class:

"Don't make fun of people who are different. Unless they have more money and influence. Then you must.

"If someone isn't kind to animals, ignore anything they have to say.

"Skip down the street when you're happy. It's one of those carefree little things we lose as we get older. If you skip as an adult, people talk, but I don't mind.

"Always walk away from a fight. Then ambush.

"Read everything. Doubt everything. Appreciate everything."

Good advice from Serge, a veritable fountain of good advice.

"Anyway, childhood's over." Serge reached under his seat. "Now vacation means a whole new adult routine." He popped the ammo clip from a chrome .45 and checked the chamber.

"What's the gun for," asked Andy.

"What do you think?" Serge replaced the magazine. "Florida."