Well now I've done it. I've been VERY bad and M is angry. It is Very hard to type this because I have to kneel in front my computer. my bracelets are locked to my collar with short chains. I guess they're only maybe 9 inches. my entire body is so SORE from a whipping! Two of the welts are bleeding! One on the back of my left thigh and one on my ribcage/right tit. She whipped me everywhere.
M promised that She'd never cut me, so She actually apologized, but She also told me that I deserved the lashes, so it was really my doing and did not count. I DO have only myself to blame. She's right of course.
I get in more trouble because of chatting on line! Here's what happened...
A wonderful German Mistress found my profile at yahoo and was questioning me by instant message. She's DREAMY!!! So strict! So demanding! I could not help myself and got all turned-on, told Her everything about M and me too. Including that I had gotten in the habit of masturbating every afternoon when I bathe and shave my pussy.
When I confessed I had been masturbating without permission, She made me feel so ashamed! She reminded me that I did not have the right and I was placing my slut desires above my Mistress's orders! I felt terrible! She questioned if I even loved and obeyed M at all! I almost cried at that! So She ordered me to confess to M immediately.
In my opinion M had known, but had ignored my disobedience. M is too good to me and I know it. Now She had no choice. She HAD to punish me now.
She ordered me to the basement. I always cringe when She does. We love hard in the bedroom. We play hard in our little homemade dungeon (also in the basement, but sexy and wild). But when She orders me to the unfinished part of the basement, there's only one thing She has in mind.
She chained my wrists as they still are now and also clipped a leash to my collar. She tossed the leash over the crude rafters, pulled it tight, and locked it. She took some old rope and ran it through the rings on my anklets, pulling my legs wide apart and tied the ropes to bare pipes along the walls. As She pulled my legs apart, my collar dug into my neck! I was being slightly choked and my collar was the only thing keeping me from falling over! I was terrified!
She whipped me terribly! I had not been gagged on purpose I guess. With each lash, She told me that I was a disobedient slave, a bad girl, a selfish slut, a miserable whore, a filthy cunt, an evil pervert, and on and on. She said She though I stopped loving Her! She wondered if She should continue to love me!!! She even threatened to sell me on e-bay! Her loss of faith in me hurt as much as the viscous lashes, maybe more.
She demanded that I apologize with every lash too, and I DID! I was crying, and not just from the searing pain! I DO love You Mistress! I PROMISE I'll be good! PLEASE keep me! PLEASE don't sell me away! I recited our rules for Her. I told Her how fair and right the rules are. I begged Her forgiveness. Every time I screamed in pain, I could see a serious look on Her face... like... like... "justice" I can't explain it... never mind.
I have no idea how long this went on. Let me try to figure it out. It was about 4 in the afternoon when She came home. We went down to the basement after just a few minutes. I guess it was maybe 2 hours before She left me alone for a while. I think She might have made Herself dinner. I certainly didn't get anything. Then She continued. I guess it was maybe midnight that She untied my legs and unlocked the leash. So... 8 hours minus Her half hour break. 7 1/2 hours maybe?
Eventually, She said She'd give me another chance. I MUST obey our rules ALWAYS, NO cheating! I knelt at Her feet and kissed them, thanking Her over and over. She told me I was NOT welcome in Her bed tonight. She did not care what I did, but do NOT get in bed with ME! She went to bed and here I am. I finally stopped crying and fumbled as I made a sandwich. I DID make my self rum & coke... strong... 3 I think... 4?
I can not and WILL not try to rub up against anything to get off even though the thought crossed my mind. The pain is still unbelievable and, unfortunately for me, it turns me on. Usually an orgasm changes the "tone" of pain to something sweet and wild. But tonight I have only pain. I WILL be a good slave. I WILL obey. Heaven help me if She was even a little serious about selling me! I shudder to think how I could end up!
Maybe later I'll try to curl up on the family room rug on my side and get a little sleep. I can't sleep now. my sides don't have too many welts... well maybe my left side. Since She's right handed, most of my welts are on my right side. But She's good with that fucking single tail and can whip both ways... and up and down. And She also whipped my whole front and some of Her lashes to my boobs curled around. Gawd they ALL sting! I looked at myself in the basement bathroom mirror. I look like someone's been playing a sloppy game of tic-tac-toe ALL over my body. There are red lines, well purple now, criss-crossing every which way everywhere.
I guess the rum is relaxing me finally. So tired. I'm going to try to find a way to get some sleep.
Sunday July 11, 2005 about 10 at night
Fuck I'm horny!!!!!!!!!!!! We ALWAYS play on Sunday, but I'm STILL being punished!!!!!
No "O" for poor me! Wrists still chained to my neck!! I had to make breakfast, lunch and dinner with these fucking chains on!! At least I'm in a good position to service M like this... and I'm certain that is Her plan anyway.
I just finished putting Her to bed, but I can't sleep... I'm SO HORNY!!!!!! I gave Her good head! I serviced Her as nicely as I could! She got off VERY well. But me? Noooooooo! While I ate Her, She just doodled around my DRIPPING cunt with a finger lightly!!! GAWD!! I WANT!! I was quivering!! When She was finished with my services, She just rolled over and told me to turn off the light! All I can think about is my stupid fucking pussy! That and my arms, wrists, shoulders, and neck ache from being like this... what? 30 hours now?
The smell of Her on my face is driving me crazy!! I think I'll try to wash my face or something. I guess I'll go to bed. She didn't say I couldn't get in bed, so I guess I can. my welts still throb, but none are bleeding. She'd probably whip me again if I bled on the sheets. I'm going to bed.
Monday July 12, 2005 about 5 in the afternoon
Mistress is so good to me. I love Her. I will gladly obey Her every wish.
I was going crazy from being chained and not allowed to cum from Saturday afternoon through ALL of Sunday!!! Monday morning my sweet, loving M unlocked me. Oh the relief!
She did remind me that I could not masturbate myself, but then She did the sweetest thing. She told me to take a shower and also shave my itchy pussy (hadn't done either since Friday afternoon) and She'd make Her own breakfast! When I came downstairs She handed me my rubber panties with the built in dildos and told me to slip them on.
I lubed them with my own (rather abundant) juices and had no trouble slipping those huge dildos in me, even the anal one slipped right in... felt GRRREAT! She helped smooth the rubber and made sure they fit snugly. I watched with pride as Her nostrils flared and Her breathing turned heavy. I love that little ol' me turns Her on! Oooooh! Her hands on my crotch and ass felt divine!!!!
She then gave me my leather short-shorts to wear over the panties and brought out the cool-looking chrome chain She'd used before as a belt. It goes through the belt loops, is locked in the back, and She pulls it up HARD through my crotch, and is locked in the front too. She stood back smiling, looking at me for several seconds.
She told me to not to eat or drink today and carefully directed me not to use my hands to feel myself up. We had a long passionate goodbye kiss and She left for work.
She is too good to me! I can get off in those panties just rolling my hips as I walk and She knows it. GAWD! those dildos are huge inside!!! I got even wetter immediately and I didn't think that was possible. It's all gooshie inside the rubber!
She phoned me at about 2. When She comes home She will let me out of these and we can make LOVE tonight!!! I'm so excited! I'm having a wonderful day! Housework is a breeze! I take little breaks to grind my crotch into things... but no hands... I promised! The washing machine was lovely!!!! The cats are running around like crazy 'cause I'm getting off about every hour and making all sorts of noises I guess. I even slipped on a loose dress and went to the supermarket. I think it covered all my whip marks OK. Beaming a huge smile at everyone, I think I livened-up everyone's day. My collar, bracelets, and anklets sometimes always get a few stares, but I just smile back! See? I AM a good girl!
I am SO looking forward to tonight. I WILL be good to Her.
Thursday July 14, 2005 9:45 AM
This is horrible! Everything is all fucked up! I'm in deep deep shit now! M is angry with me and it's worse and I would not have thought that was possible.
When She came home yesterday everything was wonderful. I was so happy to see Her. She accepted Her glass of wine that I always offer on that pretty antique silver tray, gave me a big smile. She took the tray from my hands, grabbed me around my waist and pulled me to Her. Her passionate kiss was dreamy! She stroked my crotch and squeezed the dildos into me... marvelous! Even before dinner, She took me upstairs and removed the chain from my shorts and let me take them and the panties off. She had me stand in the shower and She washed me Herself with the detachable nozzle. She played the spray right on my clit! It was fantastic! I did not cum, but it was so nice of Her.
When we went back downstairs, She asked me if I'd been a good girl, what had I been doing. So, I told Her about my day. The trip to the market, my chores, how many orgasms I had... She stood suddenly and slapped me. I may never forget what She said next.
"you stupid whore! I ORDERED you not to cum! I specially ORDERED you to wait for Me to come home. I wanted you to be hot for ME! I was going to give you a very special loving. you cheating worthless cunt!" She yelled. Her face was turning red. She REALLY was angry.
my mouth fell open. That's NOT what I thought Her orders were AND She must know that I CAN'T stop my self from getting off in those panties! She MUST know that! I'd have to stay almost perfectly still. I'd have to... I don't know... pinch myself or something to keep from cumming. Then it dawned on me. That's what She expected me to do. I must have misunderstood. I certainly could NOT say that She gave bad orders! No way!
I dropped to my knees and groveled at Her feet sobbing. "Mistress please! I misunderstood! I would NEVER disobey, NEVER! I'm just a dumb slut. Please Mistress, I was wrong, but I would NEVER disobey You!"
She slapped me again and said, "Shut up cunt. Not another word out of you. Come with me." She hooked Her finger through the ring in my collar and led me downstairs. I was terrified, we were going to the basement again.
This time She gagged me. my most severe head harness was strapped on as tight as She could make it. She padlocked my bracelets directly to each other behind my back and attached a short chain at the lock too. Turning my collar around so the ring was in the back, She pulled the chain up high and hard... too high... and locked it to my collar. The weight of my own arms was choking me. my arms were forced up farther that ever before! my hands were pulled up so high I could touch my collar with my fingers. This HURT! The collar was choking me and my arms were twisted up like crazy! She left for maybe an hour, locking the door behind Her.
When She returned, She did things that I did not understand. She locked my anklets directly together too, attached a long chain that She also locked to pipes on opposite walls, and strapped a two foot spreader bar to both of my legs above my knees. It was very hard to stand, I could maybe jiggle around in a tiny area with 1 inch steps if I had to. That was it. I wasn't going anywhere, and I had no idea what She was doing.
She turned Her back on me and went to the old workbench. This is where She kept Her old leathercraft supplies. I just stood there as She started to make something... I had no idea what. Even in my painful bondage, I watched with fascination.
She opened drawers above the bench. She dug around in boxes under the bench. I watched Her examine several nice pieces of leather; thick, shiny, latigo belts about 3 inches wide. She selected a bag of chrome rivets. She laid out Her riveting tools, various punches, 8 more padlocks, and a staple gun like they use to install installation in houses.
She brought a belt to me and wrapped it around my waist. "Suck your ugly gut IN!" She ordered. I did, and She snugged the belt around me and made some marks on the leather with an old bit of soap.
Back at Her bench, She quickly and neatly sliced the belt to some length She wanted, looped it back on itself, and laid it on a block of wood so that 3 inches overlapped at the ends. She punched 4 holes cleanly and expertly in that 3 inch square where they overlapped.
She picked up 4 padlocks, walked back to me, and wrapped the belt around me again. This time after She pulled it tight She inserted a padlock in each hole, not locking them, but letting them hang loose. i saw that She made a belt for me that would lock on VERY securely.
She left it on me and went back to Her bench for another belt and Her bit of soap. When She came back to me, this time She measured a belt up my crotch from the belt in the back to the front, making little marks as She went. She removed the belt from my waist & took both back to Her bench.
At Her bench again, She neatly sliced the second belt to the length She wanted. She laid one end of the new piece on the first belt in the middle of the back and riveted the two pieces together like a "T." Pretty design She made actually with nine strong rivets in the 3 inch square where they overlapped.
She looped the belts so that the unriveted ends met in the front in a 3 inch square again and laid them on Her block of wood again. She punched 4 new holes in the new piece that aligned with the other holes perfectly.
She brought the belts and 4 padlocks back to me again. This time She wrapped the belt around my waist, slid in the locks, and pulled the other belt up my crotch. She still did not lock it, but I could certainly see where this was going. I'm having a custom made chastity belt fit for me right now and it fit perfectly and very tight.
But She was not half finished! She measured a belt for each of my thighs that would join the crotch piece. She took my belt off and went back to the bench yet again.
She riveted a 9 inch long piece at 90 degrees across the crotch piece for a place to rivet the thigh straps. Then She punched 2 holes in each of the thigh straps. They also could be locked just below my crotch. This was getting complicated! But I could see that when the thigh belts were finished, I would not be able to open my legs hardly at all. my thighs would be 3 inches apart, locked to my crotch strap and that was that.
She tried it on me again, still not locking it. She slid the 4 locks in at my waist connecting my waist and crotch belts. She undid the spreader bar that held my knees apart so She could try the thigh straps. They fit perfectly and She slid 2 locks in each of them, still not locking them.
"Squirm for me you filthy cunt," She commanded, "Do a little dance or something." I twisted side to side. I tried to squat (I couldn't). I bent at the waist. She seemed satisfied and took everything off of me, but She put the spreader bar back between my knees. I was puzzled by that.
But She STILL wasn't finished! She looked at me very coldly and said, "Watch what I'm making special for you slave. I just thought this up. See if you can figure out what it is."
I watched Her take a scrap of the belt about 6 or 7 inches long. She did not measure anything. I guess it did not matter. She laid it on a scrap piece of Styrofoam packing material and picked up Her staple gun. She started stapling into the leather. She just stapled and stapled and stapled. She had to refill the staple gun. She must have put 50 staples through that scrap of leather into the styro foam. She stopped. She pulled the leather scrap away from the foam. She had made a piece of leather that had 100 very sharp metal points sticking up. She dangled it in front of my eyes. "See, you selfish bitch whore? This is for you!" She said.
She picked up my new chastity belt and laid that horrible new piece on the crotch strap. I swallowed hard in my gag as I watched Her rivet that thing to the crotch strap. The points were up. The back of the staples were against the inside of the crotch strap, so they wouldn't just push out. I thought "OH MY GOD! She can't lock THAT on me!! Please NO!!!"
She examined Her work. She ran Her thumb over the points. She pressed down. She put Her thumb in Her mouth to suck Her own blood off Her thumb. She looked at me, glaring. FUCK! She is still angry! I squirmed. I could not move. my ankles only had the movement allowed by a padlock, just an inch or 2. my knees were spread. I could NOT close my crotch at all. I wailed in my gag! I begged for mercy! I pleaded!
She brought the belt to me and pulled it tight around my waist, slipping in the locks. She PULLED the crotch piece up into me. OH GOD NO!!! It's cutting into me!! NO!! please please please! NO! She locked the crotch piece to the waist belt this time, all 4 padlocks. As She clicked each lock and snugged the belt dozens of tiny steel points dug into my most tender parts, and I could feel each one!
She removed my spreader bar and my knees could close. NO!! NO! It digs in MORE!! "Please no Mistress!" I tried to say through my gag. She pulled and locked each thigh strap with the 2 padlocks on each one.
"Well, there you are you stupid cunt! you unfaithful bitch! you cheating whore! I hope you like your pretty new gift. you will wear this and this only this until I say otherwise. Good night!" She slapped my tits HARD, turned away, turned off the lights, closed and locked the door, and went upstairs.
I could not look down to see because of my collar, and it was almost totally dark in here anyway, but I was sure I felt blood trickling down my legs already. I cried. I sobbed. I wailed. I could not move hardly at all. I was choking myself. my cunt hurt like hell. How long did I have to stand here like this? Oh God please not all night!
That was yesterday. I did stand there all night long and all day today. No food. No water. No rest of any kind. Could not sit or lay down or even kneel. I have no idea what would have happened if I fell over or something. Just a tiny sliver of dim light at the bottom of the locked door lit my world. Any movement dug the points in. But they felt like they were slowly pressing themselves into me anyway even if I tried to stay perfectly still. But I could not stand still. I quivered in pain, I sobbed and cried in despair. I trembled with cramps in my arms. my collar choked me and that cruel gag made it hard to breathe. Everything hurt me more. I felt blood trickle down my legs and cried.
Eventually I heard footsteps on the basement stairs. She opened the door and the light blinded me. M just stood there, hands on Her hips, watching me tremble and moan. God help me, I begged and begged through my gag. She ignored me, but walked behind me and unlocked my anklets. She relocked them with a short chain between them this time, less than a foot i think.
She also unlocked the chain at my collar to my bracelets. i screamed as my ams dropped behind me. it felt so good, but still hurt so much. She unlocked my bracelets too and finally i could move my arms freely. But only for a few seconds! She turned my collar so that the ring was in the front again and grabbed my wrists again! She chained each of my bracelets to my collar with 2 short chains, each maybe just over a foot long. i whimpered like a wounded puppy. God! What's next? When will this horror end? i could look down now. There were small puddles of my dried blood on the floor in the small circle where i had stood.
"Make me some dinner you worthless fuck!" She commanded. i just stood there crying. She slapped me. "Move! Now!" She commanded. Slowly slowly walking towards the stairs, the points dug and scraped and clawed at me with every little step. i counted 23 steps to the stairs. The pain was horrible. The stairs terrified me. I have to lift a foot to climb each stair, twisting and pulling the crotch strap with the thigh straps. There are 13 steps to get out of our basement. She stood behind me, whipping my ass with Her crop whenever I paused.
I did make dinner. A pork roast with gravy, little packaged dumplings, and saurkraut... just for Her. I left a trail of drops of blood all over the kitchen floor. Every step, every movement dug and tore at my pussy. I was weak. I had not eaten since Monday. I only had a few sips of water Tuesday. I prayed I had not lost too much blood. I served dinner, refilled Her Chablais. I passed out in a heap on the floor.
When I regained consciousness, I was still on the floor but my belt and gag were gone. It was dark now, like 9 o'clock. The chain was gone from between my anklets but my wrists were still chained to my neck. M was walking back toward me with a bunch of stuff in Her hands; towels, panties, tampex pads, and a bottle of something. She barked a single word order, "Spread!" and I opened my legs. GAWD! hundreds of wounds stretched and opened. I just whimpered, didn't even beg. I was deep in a dark despair, resigned to my horrible fate. I turned my head away and closed my eyes. I did not want to even look at Her.
The bottle was hydrogen peroxide. I screamed as She swabbed my cunt and ass. That certainly opened my eyes again. The towel was red with my blood. She kept swabbing and it STUNG, but as She turned the towel to fresh areas, it became pinker and less red. I guess the bleeding was stopping. She laid a tamper pad on me and slid a pair of panties up my legs.
"Get yourself something to eat. Drink something cunt," She ordered and just walked away. I drank almost a whole quart of orange juice first. Grabbed a banana because that was what I saw next and it was quick. I leaned over the table and finished Her dinner that She had left there. I did not want to try to sit. I cried as I ate. Life sucks. Where is this going? What's going to happen to me? I wondered where and if I could sleep, but for the first time ever, I did NOT want to go to Marie's bedroom.
I was exhausted. Had not slept in 36 hours. I made it to the family room and fell asleep instantly on the couch. When I woke, it was after 6 AM. The hazy morning light began to brighten. M had already left for work. This was also a first and very sad.
So here I sit. Typing my thoughts in my diary as I always do. I feel dead. Does Marie still love me? Do I still love Her? There are a few little spots of blood on my panties, but I don't care. I guess I should try to mop the kitchen floor. What am I saying? I don't care. I don't care. I don't care.
Oh Gawd! I DO miss Her!! What happened? We've got to fix this. It's ALL wrong! I Do love Her. I will do ANYTHING to make this right again!
