You and Your Aging Parent: A Family Guide to Emotional, Social, Health, and Financial Problems Book

Preface     XIII
Acknowledgments     XVII
Introduction     1
Taking Stock
Facing Up to Feelings     17
Feelings That Spark an Emotional Tug of War     19
Special Reactions to Aging     30
Special Reactions to Caregiving     33
What Untouchable, Unresolved Feelings Can Produce     37
Feelings That Can Persist and Those That Change in a New Context     42
Commentary   Bob Morris     44
The Family Merry-Go-Round     47
Family Harmony or Family Discord     48
Who's in Charge?     53
A Permanent Split or a Closer Bond?     61
Money-The Root of Many Evils     62
What About Your Own Family?     64
The Games Older People Play     67
Can Old Patterns Be Reversed?     70
Commentary   Bob Morris     71
What Have They Got to Gain and to Lose?     75
The Gains     76
The Losses     78
Declining Functioning and Physical Health     81
Reduced Social Contacts     87
Fewer Familiar Roles     90
Financial Insecurity     91
Increased Dependency     93
Escalating Mental Health Problems     94
The Gains Versus the Losses and Your Role     106
Commentary   Bob Morris     107
Marriage, Widowhood, Remarriage, and Sex     111
Marital Adjustment in the Retirement Years     112
In Sickness and in Health-for Richer, for Poorer     115
Discord in the "Golden Years"     118
Widowhood     121
Remarriage     130
Sex After 65-Myth Versus Reality     133
Commentary   Bob Morris     139
Facing the Final Crisis     141
The Conspiracy of Silence     143
Some People Need to Talk about Death     146
Care and Concern for the Dying     149
Telling the Truth to the Dying     151
Should Life Be Prolonged?     156
Advance Directives     157
When the Family Must Decide     159
Commentary   Bob Morris     160
Taking Steps
Stepping Forward-Helping When They Can Manage and Preparing for When They Can't     165
"I'm Okay"-Those Who Can Manage and Know It     167
The Pseudo-Helpless-Those Who Can Manage but Think They Can't     169
When to Say No      171
Prepare for the Day When They Can't Manage     173
Prevention Measures to Facilitate Health and Safety     177
Facing the Dreaded "What If?"     180
Living Arrangements-What Are Their Choices?     181
What about Your Own Preparedness?     190
Preparing Does Not Mean Interfering     191
Commentary   Bob Morris     192
Stepping Up to the Dollars and Sense     193
Social Security     195
Pensions     198
Supplemental Security Income     200
Non-Cash Supplements     201
Reverse Mortgages     203
Who Pays the Medical Bills?     204
Medicare     205
Private Health Insurance     211
Medicaid     214
What Can You Do?     216
Seek Legal Counseling-"Elder Law"     218
Pulling Your Plans Together     219
Commentary   Bob Morris     221
Stepping In-When They Cannot Manage and You Can Help     223
When You Are Not the Responsible Relative     225
Putting All the Pieces Together: The Assessment and Plan     226
Who Puts All the Pieces Together?     234
The Levels of Care      236
Helping Those with Dementia     240
What Does the Community Have to Offer?     243
What if They Won't Be Helped-by You or Anyone Else?     253
"Managing Well"     257
Commentary   Bob Morris     258
Stepping Back-When They Cannot Manage and Neither Can You     261
The Home Care Alternative When You Cannot Manage     263
The Geriatric Care Manager     264
The Nursing Home Alternative     266
Selecting a Nursing Home     270
Becoming a Nursing Home Resident     282
The Ongoing Roles of the Family     288
When There Is Trouble     291
Other Transitions Can Be Rocky, Too     295
Striving for a Reasonable Goal     297
Commentary   Bob Morris     298
Keeping in Step-The Family Task Force     301
Getting Off the Merry-Go-Round     303
Planning a Family Conference     305
Identifying the Problem     309
Making Commitments     312
Agreeing on a Plan     314
Beware of Traps Along the Way     315
When There Is an Impasse     320
Looking to the Future      321
Commentary   Bob Morris     323
Extra Steps
Taking Heed-An Rx Alert     327
A Silent Epidemic     328
Older Bodies Are Different     329
Psychotropic Drugs: A Special Case     330
Taking Heed with Over-the-Counter Drugs     333
Herbs, Supplements, and Vitamins-Easy Magic?     334
Keeping the Medications Straight-Who's in Charge Here?     336
Physicians Aren't Perfect     336
Pharmacists Step Up     341
"I Won't Take That Big Yellow Pill"     342
The Advertised Cure     344
The Informed Consumer     346
Commentary   Bob Morris     347
Taking a Stand     349
The Glass: Half-Full and Half-Empty     350
Social Security-Where Is It Headed?     352
The Train Has Already Left the Station     353
Let's Hear It from the Families     354
Society's Unfinished Business     356
Join the Action     361
New Images for Older Adults     364
Commentary   Bob Morris     367
Epilogue: Looking Back     369
Appendices
Helpful Resources     371
Suggested Readings     383
Penny's Personal Papers Inventory     385
Checklists for Evaluating Services     395
Index     401