When Love's in View: Finding Focus in Dating and Relationships Book

I would love to give this book a better review because it did make some very valid points and offered some practical advice... which I seem to have forgotten while seething over a few other points.

First of all, I don't believe that anyone who believes marriage is the end goal has any business doing "ministry" to singles, so that kind of put me off from the start. But here are three additional reasons I believe this book is more harmful than helpful:

1) Platonic friendships. Contrary the the authors' belief, they do exist. And even in the event that one friend has pondered the completely natural "I wonder" question that all singles consider when engaging with someone of the opposite sex, friendship still happens. And that's okay. Friendship is a valid, necessary thing. A spouse is not the only companion you will need in life. It is not harmful for men to seek female companionship without necessarily seeking a wife. (Also, authors are not allowed to flip-flop positions by telling me first that my guy friends are undoubtedly in love with me and then say that I am in danger of becoming "just one of the guys" and therefore unlovable to the entire male species.)

2) I am not "deterred from marriage by selfish delusions of freedom" nor do I posses "an idolatrous desire for success or money or fame," and I certainly do not have "an inability to love." Perhaps I am merely deterred by the fact that I have not yet found someone whom I feel that I could serve God better with than without. Perhaps my desires are for kingdom things and I have thus far found no one who shares my heartbeat. Perhaps marriage is not the only lifestyle that is pleasing to God.

3) While I also find the phrase "Singleness is a gift" exhausting at times, I am not so delusional as to say it is not a gift except to those very few who will remain unmarried (supposedly by choice?) all their lives. The authors state that singleness is not a gift, but a trial. This is ludicrous as it is the equivalent of saying life is not a gift, but a trial. Life is often a trial, but it is also a gift, and for those of us who are single for this season, singleness is life. It is a long, difficult, often joyless path, but it is life and life is a gift.

I know this book was written about dating and therefore meant for people who are looking to take that step, but I hate the huge push on marriage like it is the holiest of all the callings. Marriage is a huge commitment that many singles feel pressured to rush into. These authors are some of the people applying the pressure.