Toddlers : Love and Logic Parenting for Early Childhood (2 Cassettes) - Jim Fay - Audio - 2 ... Book

This applies the Love and Logic parenting method to the toddler years. The approach: let the child suffer the consequences of their behavior, with empathy and concern. Help the child learn how they're going to solve their problem. Don't give consequences with anger, lectures, threats, and intimidation.

I haven't yet read Love and Logic, so I'm sure this will make more sense after I do. Even without that background, this approach sounds effective.

It's a recorded conversation, not a narrated book. As such, it's not as well-organized as I'd like.

Notes

A child thinks it's worth it to get in trouble just to to see their parent's reaction.

When you get frustrated or angry, you lose control. When you retain composure, you retain control. Acting out in anger or frustration reinforces the behavior.

When child misbehaves, remove them from the situation. Move them to a place where they can be alone to think about behavior (crib, room, etc.).

Sing "uh oh" song with lilt in voice, to dissipate your anger. Say, "uh oh, bedroom time, that's so sad."

Don't rescue child from problem; enable them to get through their challenge.

When child starts behaving badly, warn by saying, "I wouldn't do that if I were you," or, "I don't think that would be a wise choice."

When child suffers because they disobeyed, say, "I know you can handle it." Don't say, "I told you so." When they suffer, say, "sometimes these things happen." They'll remember that you warned. Don't reason or lecture.

By age 4, you can use delayed consequences.

When you tell a child it's OK to cry or stomp or throw a fit, you take the fun out of it. Tell them if they don't want to, that's OK too, so you win either way.

When warning, talk quieter, not louder.

Warn only once, then do something about it.

When child talks back, say, "nice try," or "what did I say?" (asking them to repeat what you said).

It's OK if the child enjoys being sent to their room.

A bribe is something you feel forced to do; a reward is something you feel good about doing.

When child asks, "why?" to be annoying, ignore, or ask, "why do you think?" or say, "I'll tell you tomorrow if you haven't figured it out by then."

When child gets hurt, say, "boom" rather than, "are you hurt?"

You don't get the behavior you ask for; you get what you expect and promote.