The Christopher Columbus encyclopedia Book

You can't fix a relationship by focusing on the relationship. Since it is an act of teamwork, it can never be controlled by only one of its parts, and can never be more than the sum of those parts. But when one individual envisions what a healthy relationship is, and creates and acts out that vision on their end, many times the other half is inspired to follow and complete the vision. That is the idea behind this book, that strengthening the self will help so that self can be emotionally connected yet neither under- nor overpowering in a relationship. It is all a person can do to strengthen a relationship. It is all a person should do.

The under- or overpowering drives of a person are born from anxiety, which creates either fight or flight. This anxiety can be about the relationship itself, but most often springs from other aspects of that persons life, which are brought into a relationship where they do not belong.

When one person over- or under-functions in a relationship, they invite the other person to polarize and do the opposite. Then the two become caught in their fixed positions too long, often involving a third party (friend or other family member, often a child) to help solidify and validate their polarized positions more permanently.

If you want to know how to make a relationship better, not just with spouses but also family and even friends, then this is a simple and powerful how-to. It can improve any relationship by showing you how to be more yourself and less the player of a particular role.