The Outhouse Reader Book

Oh mylanta!! This book was hysterical!! I loved it way more than WTF? I have two left in my collection to read (WTF? College and WTF? Work) but I somehow doubt they'll be as awesome as this one. But we'll see, who knows.

The first half of the book was my favorite. I love Gregory Bergman! These books are just the best!

However, if you are easily offended by anything remotely stereotypical of women or if you are a crazy feminist (I have no problem with feminists...but being a psycho one isn't helping anyone), please don't bother picking up this book. This book isn't meant to be taken seriously and if you can't handle the humor, you should probably lighten up.

But enough babbling, lets get to the interesting parts... my favorite moments from the book!

WARNING! Below are excerpts from this very hilarious book that will contain words and/or phrases you may be offended by. If you're one of those people, well... sucks to be you ;-) Proceed at your own risk

Memorable moments
The Do's and Don'ts of Flirting
Flirting is an art form. How good a flirt are you?

1. In a crowded room, what is the most effective subtle sign you can give that you like a woman?
A. Walk over, poke her, and say "Hi, Sexy!"
B. Look at her, and when she looks at you, you look away
C. Walk over and grab her crotch
D. Ignore her completely
E. Throw a bottle at her head

2. You see someone across the room who you think is attractive or who you would like to meet. You:
A. Wait until she leaves and ask a friend later who she was
B. Try to make eye contact with her and smile
C. Hold up a sign that reads "Let's bone."
D. Have a friend tell her you'd like to meet her
E. Walk past her and accidentally bump into her

3. Which of the following is the best way to flirt
A. Stare at her until she looks away
B. Lean into her with a hard-on
C. Send Morse Code messages that you like her
D. Laugh at her stupid jokes

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A Guide to Female Body Language

As humans, we speak with our bodies, not just our words. Women, being technically human, do the same. Understanding their body language can come in handy. Here are some examples

GESTURE: Slightly tilted head.
MEANING: Inquisitive. Thinking about cock and/or shoes.

GESTURE: Standing with hands on hips.
MEANING: Aggressive. Angrily in search of cock, ovulating.

GESTURE: Walking.
MEANING: Mode of transport from one physical space to another - for cock.

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In the future...date a virgin midget from Thailand. If your dick still doesn't look big, the time has come to take your own life.

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Top 5 things that make her cry during sex:
1. Dildos made of onions
2. Holding a cat while you bone her
3. Having a really, really small penis
4. Calling her by her best friend's name
5. Being a woman

Top 5 things that make him cry during sex:
1. Asking if it's in yet
2. Watching his favorite sports team lose
3. Breaking his dick
4. Asking if he loves you
5. Being a woman

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(I laughed so hard at this part I almost cried)

You might have a smelly vagina if...
-You use tuna-scented douche
-When you open your legs, a small Armenian family comes out
-Even your dildo goes limp
-The neighborhood cats come running when you take off your panties
-Whenever you wear floral panties, the flowers rot and whither
-When a guy goes down on you he stays down...because he is dead

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