Smart Parenting During and After Divorce: The Essential Guide to Making Divorce Easier on Your Child Book

Preface ix

Part 1 Understanding Your Conflict

Topic 1 Smart Parenting During and After Divorce 3

Topic 2 The Common Threads of Conflict 5

Topic 3 Assessing Your Level of Conflict 11

Topic 4 The Art of Avoiding War: How to De-Escalate Conflict 14

Topic 5 Seek Neutral Input to Solve Problems 19

Topic 6 How to Negotiate with a Reasonable Co-Parent 21

Topic 7 How to Communicate with a Reasonable Co-Parent 25

Topic 8 How to Negotiate with a Jerk 30

Topic 9 How to Communicate with a Jerk 34

Topic 10 How to Keep Your Cool: Anger Management 40

Topic 11 Revenge: A Dish Best Not Served at All 46

Part 2 Navigating the Court System

Topic 12 Do I Really Need to Be in Court? 51

Topic 13 Preparing to Interact with Court-Appointed Professionals 54

Topic 14 Appearing Before a Judge 62

Topic 15 The Pitfalls of Taking Matters into Your Own Hands 68

Topic 16 How to Choose a Lawyer 71

Topic 17 How to Get Along with a Lawyer 79

Topic 18 How to Tell Whether Your Lawyer Is Doing a Good Job for You 82

Topic 19 When You Want to Fire Your Lawyer 84

Topic 20 When You Want to Complain About Your Lawyer 86

Part 3 Co-Parenting Successfully

Topic 21 Telling Children About Divorce 91

Topic 22 Changing Notions of Custody in Society 94

Topic 23 Co-Parenting Responsibilities of the Custodial Parent 97

Topic 24 Co-Parenting Responsibilities of the Visiting Parent 100

Topic 25 Moving and Relocating 104

Topic 26 Co-Parenting in Medical Emergencies 107

Topic 27 Telephone Contact Issues 108

Topic 28 The Importance of Sharing Information 112

Topic 29 Self-Defeating Behavior: Overprotectiveness and Rigidity 114

Part 4 Divorced Parenting for Ages andStages

Topic 30 Special Needs of Infants 119

Topic 31 Special Needs of Toddlers and Preschoolers 122

Topic 32 Special Needs of Five- to Eight-Year-Olds 125

Topic 33 Special Needs of Eight- to Twelve-Year-Olds 128

Topic 34 Special Needs of Teens 131

Part 5 Making Visitation Schedules Work

Topic 35 Understanding Custody and Visitation in Relation to Parenting Influence and Time 137

Topic 36 How to Set Up a Temporary Visitation Schedule 141

Topic 37 How to Set Up a Long-Term Visitation Schedule 144

Topic 38 How to Figure Out Holiday Visitation 151

Topic 39 When to Seek Supervised Visitation 155

Part 6 Dealing with Common Problems

Topic 40 When Parents Have Different Rules 161

Topic 41 Discipline Problems Related to Divorce 164

Topic 42 Preventing Common Personal and Social Problems Related to Divorce 167

Topic 43 Preventing Academic Problems Related to Divorce 170

Topic 44 Visitation Tantrums 174

Part 7 Special Concerns and Crisis Situations

Topic 45 When Your Co-Parent Abuses Drugs or Alcohol 183

Topic 46 Protecting Yourself and Your Children Against Violence in the Family 187

Topic 47 What to Do When the Other Parent Speaks Negatively About You to Your Child 192

Topic 48 What to Do When Your Child Is Acting Out Sexually During or After a Visit 199

Topic 49 What to Do When Your Child Tells You He or She Was Hit at the Co-Parent's House 203

Part 8 Moving On

Topic 50 Introducing Your Child to Your New Partner 209

Topic 51 Stepparenting 215

Topic 52 Your New Beginning 218

Resources 219

Index 223