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Dedication | ix | |
Acknowledgments | xi | |
The Basics | ||
Introduction | 3 | |
What This Book Is About | 3 | |
The Five Essential Qualities of Self-Directed Children | 6 | |
Understanding Internal vs. External Direction | 11 | |
The Game Plan | ||
Seven Strategies for Raising | ||
Self-Directed Children | ||
1 | Creating the Proper Family Environment | 19 |
Eliminating Elements That Foster External Direction | 19 | |
A Word about Sibling Influences | 44 | |
The Importance of a Family Identity | 48 | |
2 | Helping Children Develop Healthy Internal Dialogue | 51 |
Eight Techniques to Encourage Introspection | 51 | |
Derailing Unhealthy Internal Dialogue | 66 | |
Helping Them Confront Their Unhealthy Internal Dialogue | 66 | |
Helping Them Rebound from the Effects of Facing the Truth | 68 | |
Helping Them Find Solutions through Honest, Healthy Internal Dialogue | 69 | |
Modeling Our Own Inner Honesty for Our Children | 69 | |
3 | Helping Children Develop Natural Intuition | 71 |
Modeling the Use of Our Own Intuitive Powers | 72 | |
Encouraging Them to Follow Their Own Hunches | 72 | |
Teaching Children How to Strengthen Their Intuitive Powers | 72 | |
Playing Intuition Games | 74 | |
Keeping an Intuition Journal | 74 | |
Teaching Children How to Receive Intuitive Signals More Clearly | 74 | |
4 | Teaching Children Empathy | 77 |
Teaching Children How "Benevolent Selfishness" Works | 79 | |
Helping Children Understand Others by Using the "Empathy Triad" | 79 | |
Helping Children Develop Empathy through Service | 81 | |
Helping Children Use Internal Dialogue to Develop Empathy | 82 | |
Helping Children Develop Empathy through Role Play | 84 | |
Using "I Messages" to Teach Children Empathy | 85 | |
Modeling Empathy | 86 | |
Teaching Children Empathy by Not Criticizing the Unfortunate | 87 | |
5 | Disciplining to Promote Internal Direction | 89 |
What It Means to Discipline in a Way That Promotes Internal Direction | 89 | |
The Twelve Basic Requirements of Self-Directed Discipline | 91 | |
Eight Discipline Techniques That Encourage Self-Direction | 107 | |
6 | Helping Children Rebound from Failure | 121 |
Discussing Our Own Mistakes with Our Children | 123 | |
Not Denying Opportunities to Excel As a Consequence for Misbehavior | 123 | |
Sharing Lessons We've Learned from Our Own Mistakes | 124 | |
Teaching the Value of Failed Attempts | 124 | |
Teaching Children to Strive for Personal Excellence, Not Perfection | 125 | |
Using Mistake Contests | 126 | |
Downplaying Past Failures | 126 | |
Teaching "Failure Tolerance" by Not Over-reacting to Mistakes | 127 | |
Encouraging Mistakes | 128 | |
Encouraging Independence | 128 | |
Teaching How to Separate Failures from Self-Worth | 129 | |
Accepting Suffering As a Good Thing | 130 | |
7 | Helping Children Handle Real-World Influences | 133 |
Drugs and Alcohol | 134 | |
Violence among Children | 137 | |
Modern Technology | 139 | |
The Hurried Life | 142 | |
Consumerism vs. Simplicity | 145 | |
Sexuality | 147 | |
Body Image and the Perception of Beauty | 151 | |
The Winner-Loser Mentality and Competition | 154 | |
Conclusion | 157 | |
Specific Child-Rearing Challenges | 159 | |
Level System for Teenagers | 275 | |
Resources | 277 | |
Index | 283 |
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