Patrons, Clients and Friends: Interpersonal Relations and the Structure of Trust in Society Book

The Friend Who Got Away is a collection of essays on friendships lost. More than I'd like to admit I'm haunted by friendships that were once very important to me but now no longer exist. So I was obviously the target audience for this book. While I enjoyed some essays very much I didn't enjoy the book as a whole. I think I have to blame at least part of my dislike on my sensitivity to the subject matter. My longing for friendships past made me judgmental to the authors in the book who acknowledged that the death of a friendship was caused by their own deliberate actions. "I miss friendships that ended through nothing I intentionally did so how dare you whine about how much you miss the friend you intentionally hurt." I became bitter at authors who say they think they possibly could salvage friendships if they'd just make the first step and write or call. But I became more bitter still at myself because I know the same holds true for me. If I'd only make that first step there are a couple relationships that could be salvaged but I know they wouldn't be good. I know that they would only be based on the other person's terms. But I want to be optimistic for other people so in my head I condemn those authors. "You're being so selfish. Why won't you just call her. She probably misses you and needs you and yet you just refuse to call." I know I won't call and I don't want to chastise myself for it, so I chastise them.

That the essays all mark the end of friendships and not a single one offers any glimpse or hope of reconciliations is probably what bothers me most. Clearly it shouldn't since I knew full well what the book was about. But while reading the few essays that I really related to I kept hoping that the last page would be about how the author had called, or the friend had sent a letter and they were repairing and rebuilding the friendship. I wanted some hope that deep, deep friendships, particularly between women, don't die so easily and that there is always hope for the relationship to grow and thrive again. None of these essays gave me that hope and I don't have that hope in my heart.
I'll never read this book again, not by any fault of its own but because reading it just reminded me far too much of pains and longing that I try not to think about so much.