Male code Book

This book illustrates in detail in what ways passive-aggressive men act, from subtle to very overtly so and what their motivation for doing so is. It stems from a deep envy of perceiving the other person (often a romantic partner) as more powerful, more skilled, or more successful in life.
The book seems to mainly focus on interpersonal relationships but passive-aggressive men can also be co-workers or, worse yet, superiors, business partners, neighbors who deliberately engage in crazy-making behavior in order to elevate themselves and make themselves feel more powerful.

The author lists the different kinds of mind and power games they play. Is your husband really just a little lazy or does he procrastinate because he derives secret pleasure from seeing you get ticked off more and more or becoming frustrated with his never fulfilled promises? Are you being gaslighted or you feel as if you are talking to a wall and although you seem to reach consensus while talking through what bothers you nothing actually changes afterwards?
Some of these behaviors can happen subconsciously but a frightening percentage of these men are quite aware of how deviously, manipulatively and destructively they are acting.

This book was specifically about passive-aggressiveness but although someone doesn't have to have an actual psychiatric diagnosis, this behavior is a specialty of those with certain personality disorders. (I'm thinking in particular of male borderlines who are experts at being, as the author dubs them, "catch me if you can lovers" and deliberately so.)

Wetzler offers several ideas on how to try and confront the passive-aggressive man without making him feel backed into a corner but personally I find this to be more something that would work best - if at all - for therapists rather than girlfriends or wives for example.
As the target of such a man it's easy to fall trap of starting to feel like nothing but a victim or play victim, hoping to get this person to understand what great pain they are causing. If only they understand they would change, right? Wrong. Hurting their targets is the primary goal after all and stringing them along for as long as possible a game they like to play for as long as possible.

Ultimately, it's impossible to be around such a person for an extended period of time which may cause depression, anxiety and many other mental and emotional problems for the target of the passive-aggressive man. Going no contact is, as so often with deeply disturbed men and women, the only way of moving on and regaining your equilibrium.